Deconstruction of a Constructionist

Let me try to understand this hifalutin statement:

“When it comes down to it, sports exist to entertain the masses and it
is the masses that decide what they want. This leads to inevitable
conflict between the strict constructionists (people like you) and the reformers (people who wear pink hats).”

–Allen Krause, The Filibuster, May 4, 2008

When Allen says, “people like you”, he’s referring to people like me — smart, charming, extremely good-looking, etc.  Apparently, I must remind everyone that I am the brains of Red State Blue State, strict constructionist or not, and this statement is just the sort of blatant, pretentious animosity that gets slung around Washington in order to hide an individual’s own errant shortcomings.  

Allen’s mishaps, misspeaks and misappropriations are far too many to document here; I will save you from another verbal sparring match and just inform you that, in his last post, he both favored and opposed the DH rule, thus proving his inability to lead and his tendency to flip-flop.  It’s not the first time this has happened.  Click here to see when he became a Nats fan and click here to read my story of how he was once a Cubs fan.

And while these bouncy sentiments are disturbing, nothing is more disturbing than Mr. Krause’s hinting that a game requiring more thinking skills and more management fineness (ie NL style baseball) would be less entertaining than the alternative: a slimy attempt to make more money (ie AL style baseball).  In defending his argument, Allen used the analogy of basketball by contemplating how boring it would be if it hadn’t changed from Dr. Naismith’s original rules (which did not include a shot-clock, three pointers, etc.). 

Well, Al, I don’t know.  Are you belittling the intelligence of the masses by saying we can’t appreciate a thinking man’s sport?  That we have to see non-stop scoring throughout to be entertained, to be drawn in, to be a fan? 

Let’s analyze this from the point of view of the world’s most popular sport: soccer (football for you non-US Americans).  Do you think soccer has suffered much from being a low scoring, highly intellectualized sport of refined athletic ability?  Though I can’t call myself a huge soccer fan, I can attest to being extremely entertained and very involved even during nil-nil matches.  And the masses seem to be liking it just fine the way it is.  In fact, the masses would sooner beat you to do death than allow you to instigate a Designated Striker rule: every time the regular striker crosses midfield, the well-rested Designated Striker sprints in and attacks without abandon, thus creating a better chance to score.  Yeah, I’d like to see you try it. 

spaceman.jpgAnd don’t forget, the masses had nothing to do with implementing the DH rule in the first place.  No, it was a decision made by 8 crusty, old rich men (spearheaded by Charlie O. Finley) who wanted to put more money in their pockets.  Well, they did, and in the process they also took away a fundamental right of all baseball players — the right to hit.  If you ever want to know how devastating that decision was on American League pitchers, read Spaceman Bill Lee’s book.  It forced him to do drugs and get traded to Montreal, which was so bad that he had to do more drugs until he just settled for barnstorming the globe… and doing drugs.

Is the American League more entertaining than the National League?  Calculating for my natural bias, the answer is still no.  It’s not.  It’s a different game and I don’t like it as much as I do the alternative, purer form.

But what do I know?  According to you, Al, I’m just a “strict constructionist”, which would either make me a supreme court justice or just a simple legal philosopher.  I’m not quite sure which of those career paths suits me best, but I know one thing for sure: you shouldn’t be a spelling teacher:

“If you aren’t convinced, maybe you should take a look at what Scalia,
Cheney and their merry band of strict constructionists have done to the
Consitution.”
[my emphasis]
–Allen Krause, The Filibuster, May 4, 2008

As a liberal, free-thinking man with myriad bounties, it’s hard for me to swallow you comparing me to the Milo Minderbinder of our time, Dick Cheney, but it’s even harder for me to accept that you don’t know how to spell “constitution”.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

PS, Don’t hate me cuz I was right in my Cardinals/Cubs prediction either.  Better get used to it.

2 Comments

It’s nice to see a US American defending the beautiful game. I’ve always maintained that soccer and baseball are similar in temperament in that neither are afraid of low scoring games or even being “boring”. In fact it’s because some games are not all out run/goal fests that makes the actual run/goal fests more noteworthy.
http://arizonaviaslough.blogspot.com/

The most masterful game I’ve ever seen in person was a 2-0 game between the Cubs and Reds in April last year. Lohse pitched a 2 hitter and Lilly was near perfect. So much more interesting to me than a long, drawn out slugfest.

–Jeff

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