June 2008

Life Without Ozzie? No Thanks.

ozzie-guillen-choke.jpgDoes Ozzie Guillen lack in self-censorship where the DNC lacks in unity? 

Yes.

Does Ozzie Guillen get a little nutso sometimes and say things he probably shouldn’t? 

Sure.

Does Ozzie Guillen need to be quarantined from the press after a tough loss (or three)?

Definitely.

But let me tell ya, folks, a world without Ozzie Guillen is just unfathomable.  For Southsiders like myself, a Guillen quote is as close a reminder of home as Connie’s Pizza or Ramova’s Grill or a drive-by shooting.  And believe me, as much as I am oft to disagree with the psychology of Ozzie’s wild rants, I must admit to finding them oddly soothing and curiously pleasant. 

There is definitely something to be said for being in the spotlight and not giving two s**ts what anyone else says or thinks about you, what you say and the way you go about your job.  I admire that. 

And I’d be a liar if I didn’t admit that Ozzie’s tirades didn’t make me laugh.  I only wish my boss was as understanding as Kenny Williams (click *here* for Tribune article).  Imagine if I came in to work tomorrow and said: “What?  Our summer catalogue isn’t finished yet?  Susie Q didn’t set the templates?  What?  She used that friggin’ Trajan font again for the Chinese neolithic pottery section!?!  What do you mean John Doe didn’t translate the bronze inscriptions from running script to seal script!?!  I expect the boss-man to do [bleep] something Tuesday, and if we don’t do [bleep] anything Tuesday, there are going to be a lot of [bleep]
changes in this Asian art gallery!  The book gallery too!  [Bleep] [Bleep] [Bleep] heads will roll!”

Sounds good. 

While this message board and this blog have taken the time to organize some of the more memorable quotes from Guillen’s past, I just want to post a few of my favorites: 

On Chicago Cub Rich Hill:

“Who is Hill? That piece of [bleep] who pitched? Michael [Barrett]
realized he was wrong [in punching Pierzynski]. Michael realized he
overreacted.

“But that little [bleep] Hill, he should be in Triple-A. He is going to
make Dusty Baker get fired. Shut up, you just got here in the big
leagues. When you make a comment like that, it was a cheap shot. You
don’t know the game.”

On Jay Mariotti:


“He’s a garbage.He’s always been a garbage.And he will die a garbage.”

On whether his children were involved in the Cubs/Sox brawl in May 2006:

“If my kids were on the field, [they were] going to get [their rear
end] kicked.  What’s Ozzie [Jr.] going to do? Eat
somebody. My other one is 20 pounds and the other one is only 14.

“One is a baby, one is too little, another one, the only thing he can do is eat somebody or drink somebody.”

And if that isn’t enough folks, check out this Youtube post featuring a love-filled conversation between AM 670 The Score’s Mike North and Ozzie himself last year.  While you listen/watch, realize that sure, Ozzie can be awful but he could always be worse.  I mean, he could be Bill O’Reilly or god forbid Howard Dean.  In any case, when reviewing this material, you can hate me, you can hate Ozzie, but don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right: the world needs Ozzie Guillen and his lunacy.

Peace,

Jeffy

The Filibuster

With the Cubs, Cardinals and Astros all over the 30 win mark at the end of May, when are the baseball pundits going to admit that the NL Central is actually one of the better, more exciting divisions to watch this season?  Must this love affair with all things New York continue while both teams are in the bottom of their respective divisions?”

–Jeff

                                                                                       

Mr. Lung, you are a bitter man. I respect that, being a bitter man myself. And I fully agree with you about the New York-ophilia that taints the world of sports journalism. However, bitterness will not change that.

Here’s the thing. Sports exist to make money. And sports journalism, being the leech that it is, flourishes in direct proportion to the events they cover. The National Spelling Bee became popular so now it takes over a primetime slot on ESPN. Three years ago it was on ESPN2 and 20 years ago (when I was competing in spelling bees) you couldn’t even dream of an event like that being shown live on television. So what does this have to do with the lack of love for the NL Central?

Everything. The networks go where the money is and the money is in NY, Boston and LA. The flyover states are, well, flyover states. It’s not in the interest of the writers and pundits to follow a team like the Cardinals because the people in their major markets won’t watch. There’s a reason that the networks were praying for a Celtics-Lakers NBA championship and it wasn’t just because they wanted to do a feature on how Kobe has rehabilitated his image. It’s the same reason why the entire world descended on Iowa in January and now couldn’t care less what happens in the Hawkeye state.

So, to answer your question here’s a very simple response. The baseball pundits are never going to admit that the NL Central is an exciting division. Just like they aren’t going to start showing the Rays or Marlins on Fox Saturday baseball. Well, unless they’re playing the Yankees or Mets, of course.

-A

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