I’ll Take “Dumb Things Gary Sheffield Says” for $200, Alex
Apparently Joe Biden and Cindy McCain aren’t the only people making absolutely asinine remarks these days. The always colorful, oft offensive and seldom productive Gary Sheffield decided it had been long enough since his last foray into slanderous tongue slippage, so he enlightened us all over again when he offered his thoughts regarding the penalties he faces after last Friday’s brawl with the Cleveland Indians:
“You don’t take cheap shots, and that’s what happened. When I find out who it was, they are going to have to deal with me…”
“I don’t care about what the league thinks or what they do. I’ve got enough money to pay any fine they’ve got. Trust me.”
Nice work, Gary. Real nice. I don’t care about what the league thinks or what they do. What a fine example of sportsmanship you offer the world with that universally positive statement. Great job, Gary. You’ve got enough money to pay any fine they got. Yes. I trust that indeed you do. I also trust that you’ll be laughing all the way to the bank with that .223 batting average in tow.
Yes, that batting average sure is impressive, Gary. In fact, it’s so impressive that I’m sure you’ll be getting tons of offers all over the league for extensive playing contracts for the rest of your life! Gee, just think about all the money you’ll have then! You might be the richest person in the whole wide world which would mean you don’t have to pay attention to any of the rules of baseball or life or anything because you’ll be the most important person who ever lived and the entire planet will revolve around you! Yippee!
Here’s a hint from someone who still considers you a human being slightly worth a smidgen of thought: don’t invest with AIG or Lehman Brothers or whoever else. Actually, you’ll probably be better off stashing it under your bed — you know, that great big bed that’s so expensive and so huge that you probably don’t even sleep on it because it’s made out of gold and kitty whiskers and other things that are soft, shiny and/or very expensive.
No one knows how to alienate the little guy (‘little guy’ = we regular US American joes) like the paragon of verbal ineptitude otherwise known as Mr. Gary Sheffield.
Go ahead. Hate him. He deserves it.
You can hate me too, but don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.