(Don’t) Try THIS at Home!!!
Dear readers, it’s Wednesday and thank the baseball gods I’m finally starting to feel like myself again. As many of you know, my longtime chum/colleague/nemesis, the Mr. Allen Krause, had the good fortune of spending this past weekend visiting with me here on the Southside of Chicago. Besides force-feeding him Chicago-style deep-dish pizza, Ann Sathers cinnamon rolls and a steady diet of “go *BLEEP yourself!” expletives, we did manage to reconnect with our younger, more astute college-selves — and by that I mean: we got drunk.
Well, let me just say that it was nothing like before. No. Indeed, at a fresh-looking 29 years of age, neither one of us are really apt to handle the physiological hell we used to put ourselves through. In retrospect, it’s hard to imagine we’re even still alive. Back in those days, we would party late nights Tuesday through Sunday (Monday was reserved for Monday Night Football and thus rest was required), found time to perform street circus acts and then actually managed to get straight A’s through our respectively rigorous class schedules.
Obviously, those days are long gone. Still, it’s fun to think about how nimble we once were and in honor of that and tonight’s super-duper lineup of presidential debate politics and National League Championship Series baseball, we at RSBS would like to provide a provocative, playful drinking game for those of you dear readers who are responsible adults over the age of 21 (fake IDs don’t count in the blogosphere either).
It’s simple. Get yourself a sixer of Old Style or a bottle of Jack or Costco sized container of mouthwash — whatever your preferred poison may be — and every time one of the following occurs, take a drink. Trust us, between flipping back and forth between the game and the debate and adhering to these rules, you won’t care what the outcome of either actually is… and sometimes, that’s all you really want.
So, every time…
Joe Torre Makes a Face that Says “I Have Indigestion”…
Take a drink.
Every time…
John McCain Looks at the Camera and Calls You “My Friend”…
Take a drink.
Every time…
Tim McCarver Over-analyzes a Play, a Player, an Entire Race of People…
Take a drink.
Every time…
John McCain Falsely Accuses Barack Obama of Wanting to Raise Your Taxes…
Take a drink.
Every time…
You Start to Think that RSBS‘ Very Own Allen Krause Looks a lot like a Younger, Less Cool Version of Joe Maddon…
Take a drink.
Every time…
The Two Candidates Fail to Answer the Question that was Asked and instead Filibuster their Talking Points…
Take a drink. (are you still with me?)
Every time…
You Wish and Pray that the Elegantly Exquisite and Ever Erudite Erin Andrews was Fox’s Sideline Reporter…
Take a drink. (fyi: this one alone would put me in the hospital)
Every time…
John McCain Refers to Barack Obama as Anything Except His Actual Name (ie That One, The Senator, Dingleberry)…
Take a drink.
Every time…
Shane Victorino Does Something Magical…
Take a drink.
And lastly… if you’re still able to count to three…
Every time…
You Look at Obama and just See a Black Man…
Take a drink. No, take ten drinks. And shame on you.
Please drink responsibly.
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
Peace,
Jeffy
Red State Blue State 
I’m drunk just from reading that! I would just add: “Every time Manny sucks on his blue-and-red mouthguard, take a drink.” Sorry but Erin Andrews doesn’t do a thing for me.
– http://janeheller.mlblogs.com
This time I literally laughed out loud. Hilarious stuff.
How about every time Bush pretends everything will be peachy or every time the Rays make you turn your head sideways trying to figure out when and how the hell they went from eliminated after game 1 to first place and threatening to take it all just one year later.
V – http://flairforthedramatic.mlblogs.com
Here’s your guy….
http://colony14.net/id41.html
If you can even come close to explaining this stuff away….well, there is no hope…
I wooouullfd respoand but im stialll revocering from lasat nighttt.
Just kidding. Erin Andrews… yeah, lover her. It’s unexplainable. V, glad I could get you to laugh. Was it the Krause/Maddon connection? I think so. Brian, I just skimmed that link so I haven’t much to say about it right now, but it reminds me of those spam emails I get telling me Obama is a terrorist. Believe what you want. The best thing about this country is you get to choose. Make your voice heard. Go vote.
–Jeff
If we all followed this one:
“Tim McCarver Over-analyzes a Play, a Player, an Entire Race of People…
Take a drink.”
We’d spend so much money restocking our “beverage of choice” supply that the economic crisis would end.
Anyone else besides me watch the games on MUTE and listen to the MLB.com live streaming broadcasts instead???
— David
http://sportsbythenumbers.mlblogs.com/
I like to watch the games on mute while listening to heavy metal or trance music… it makes it feel like the party it is, Dave. Ha! I love your suggestion for getting the economy back on track. Hope Costco would have a big sale on their 132 ounce bottles of mouthwash.
–Jeff
Jeff, I don’t blame you for not reading through all of it. Thank you for at least giving it a cursory glance. I read the text in full, and while there are some links, I don’t see any references to Barack being a terrorist. If you scroll to the bottom of that page, there are references included, and while I didn’t click on all of them, (there are hundreds) the few I did check out were legit news sources. I feel fairly certain that Barack is not a terrorist, but it seems difficult not to believe he has connections to some very dangerous people. (Unless you like communists, socialists, and criminals). Thank you for your time, and encouragement. (I will vote). As always, I respect your opinions, and I look forward to future posts.
Brian.
Thanks for the comment, Brian. As always, it is appreciated and heard. We may not always agree, but I think we can agree that 1) We remain loyal to the Cardinals and 2) Disagreement is what makes this nation so wonderful — that we can not agree and still respect one another. Gee, I think I just gave you the blogging equivalent of a man-hug.
–Jeff
Jeff, thanks for responding. I have been a loyal Cards fan for 32 years. Having different opinions IS what makes this country great, and particularly when we have the opportunity for public discourse, as on this forum. The man-hug thing was a bit uncomfortable, though 😉