Freakazoids & Oddities: The Always Venerable, Mostly Searchable RSBS

ruler.jpgFor the record, Dear Readers, I am only one and three quarters of an inch shorter than my self-aggrandizing friend and normally trustworthy colleague, Mr. Allen Krause — not “a lot shorter” as he so vainly suggested in his most recent post.  Inches, mere inches, I really am not one to be fraught over inches.  In so being, I would like to extend the arm of peace to my friend by quoting Rebecca West when I say Mr. Krause “is every other inch a gentleman.”

Touché.

And with that bit of business out of the way, I would now like to take this opportunity to ignore the Cardinals’ recent acquisition of Khalil Greene.  Why?  Why would I disregard such a move that even I admit looks to be beneficial for the 2009 squad?  Because of Trever Miller, that’s why.  The addition of Miller to the bullpen is supposed to make me feel better, Mr. Mozeliak?  Hardly.  Give me Brian Fuentes.  Give me J.J. Putz.  Give me a real closer.  Give me something!

Bah!

freakazoid.jpgLet’s look at something more interesting… like the freakazoids who inhabit this planet.  Not satisfied with your everyday sports memorabilia?  How about you get on eBay and buy some game-worn underwear soiled by your favorite superstars Alex Rodriguez, Josh Beckett and Kevin Youkilis?

No?  Perhaps you’d like to make a deal with the devil herself and get behind the liberal head-hunting train, because, in her opinion, it’s your duty as an US American to hope your new administration fails.  Duh.  Of course, Ms. Coulter’s got it right: nothing’s more American than hoping your American brethren suffer beyond measure. 

If that’s not enough freak for ya, how about taking a look at Markus Ruhl?  Look, I know PEDs are back in the baseball news, but let’s try to avoid images like that in the future, shall we?

But folks, this is just a small sampling of the oddities gnawing at my corrigible conscious.  The recently acquired RSBS staff (graciously borrowed from Russell at Arizona via Slough who seems to have gone on an extended vacation) has gone through the StatCounter files and found quite the eclectic collection of keyword searches leading the masses to the hallowed pages of RSBS.  There are a slew of nutball examples, but I’ve pulled my five favorites for your viewing pleasure:

“Allison Stokke Drunk”

Okay, okay.  I get it.  She’s hot.  Unattainable even.  So you think you gotta get her drunk first to have a shot.  Well, she could be lying dead in the middle of a desert and you still don’t have a shot, Sicko!

“Wemen Hitting Mens Balls”

Hmm.  Alright, let’s pretend that the spelling error doesn’t exist — that this is just a case of a concerned individual who wants to know how women should go about hitting men’s balls.  Hmm.  Nah, still doesn’t make any sense.

“Kwame Kilpatrick In Cuffs Picture”
Right on, brother.  Right on.  Detroit has never been more proud.

“Obama Sox”

Yep.  I feel ya.  I voted for him just because he’s from my neighborhood too.  Well, that and it was the right thing to do.

And finally…

“Attractive Chinese Wemen”
Whoa!  How did you know?  Oh, and also, a word of advice: you might want to learn how to spell “women” before you start looking for them on the internet.

I know this — from experience. 

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

4 Comments

Used underwear? What the @%#$ is this world coming to? I mean A-Rod’s underwear? Do we know where it has been? Or who it has been with? Sorry – that is just a little too creepy. Thank you for giving me nightmares tonight Jeffy.

Julia
http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/

I’ll take a less partisan approach and say “Euww” to the used undies of all players. Actually, what’ll give me nightmares about this post, Jeff, is the mere mention of the name ANN COULTER.

- http://janeheller.mlblogs.com

I take it you two aren’t going to be putting a bid in then, eh? I don’t blame you. Even more frightening than Coulter and used undergarments from A-Rod are the freakish bodies of those bodybuilders who inject that stuff without abandon. I saw a show on Discovery Health about how one famous bodybuilder’s bicep EXPLODED because it grew too big. Talk about disgusting… watching that was almost as bad as watching that Malarchuk throat slashing from way back. Ewww.
–Jeff

Wow. That’s some nasty stuff. I’d heard about that Malarchuk thing before, but never seen it. It was your link. As for the underwear thing, who would actually buy that???????
http://newmexicanyanksfan.mlblogs.com

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