User, Beware

dock ellis.gifMy esteemed colleague and oft unfocused baseball analyst, Mr. Allen Krause, recently enlightened us all to the magical means of the late Dock Ellis’ amazing no-hit “trip” from 1970.  While he waxed on the intricately harmonious ballad that is sports-on-drugs by encouraging us to “follow Dock’s example”, as the only RSBS voice of reason, I feel it is my responsibility to post a warning to all those who find this to be a titilating alternative to the grounded world of sober sports.

Dug up by an RSBS intern, this vintage video footage of yours truly catching behind the plate proves that after consuming a wickedly toxic cocktail of magic mushrooms, Johnnie Walker Black and Mary Jane, the game of baseball becomes much more complicated than it really should be.  Amazingly enough, my manager left me in the game and every one of the opposing nine went home with a headache.  I, too, was seeing stars… but mine were of the more stimulating variety:

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy 

22 Comments

LOL. All I know is that writing a blog with red wine coursing through my veins results in some twisted posts.

http://janeheller.mlblogs.com

I know, Jane. It must be in the air because I’m watching the Lions lose right now and laughing out loud as I do it. They ALL look drunk.
–Jeff

That video is hilarious. I would be so mad if that happened to me. That pitch was not a strike either. Not the batter’s day at all.
http://hardballblog.mlblogs.com/

The Ump was “hanging out” with me prior to the game. Sometimes that’s all it takes ;-).
–Jeff

Hey Jeff – I should have posted that one my blog today! It would have fit in perfectly with the “bad pitches” Sorry about the Lions. My Pats are cruising in the snow!

Julia
http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/

LMAO, oouuuch. That kid gets robbed with a strike call and then hit in the head with the ball.. lol, not his day.
V – http://flairforthedramatic.mlblogs.com

P.S. You saw that “greatest pitch ever thrown” vid on youtube? I swear, I would looooove to see someone try that in a game. It would be hilarious. I’m thinking A.J. could pull it off.
V – http://flairforthedramatic.mlblogs.com

The Lions will live in infamy, Julia, just like the ’03 Tigers, the ’08 Tigers and the pitching staff of the ’06 Tigers! Yes!
V — I’ve watched that wicked Japanese pitch a million times. Never gets old! I think Moose would be more likely to pull it off as an odd windup is most necessary to make it happen ;-)
–Jeff

Jeff,
That video is SO funny! What happened after you hit that kid in the head?
-Elizabeth
http://redsoxgirl46.mlblogs.com

Well, Elizabeth, after I hit HIM, I went on to hit the next EIGHT batters in the lineup. We won the game. I don’t remember any of it. Imagine that!
–Jeff

Hahaha. Nice Jeff. How was your hitting that day?
http://newmexicanyanksfan.mlblogs.com

All over the place, Neal. I think I hit an inside-the-park homerun — twice — in the same at bat. I think.
–Jeff

Jeff, if Varitek doesn’t re-sign, maybe you send this video to Theo Epstein for his review.

Steve T.
http://soxblog.mlblogs.com

awesome! you’re #1! Read my blog, comment, and tell me what you think!

tjsportsnut7.mlblogs.com

Headhunter. Ya done Dock proud. RIP.

http://diamondhacks.blogspot.com/

Will do, Sportnut.
Matt — Headhunting is just the beginning….
–Jeff

Thanks! What did you think of it?

I remember that day, I think we worked on that trick play for about a week before I could get you to use it in a game. After that the poor batters didn’t know which way to look for the ball. It sure broke up their concentration. I don’t think you ever won another sportsmanship award after that, but oh well anything to help the team. Baba

I remember that day, I think we worked on that trick play for about a week before I could get you to use it in a game. After that the poor batters didn’t know which way to look for the ball. It sure broke up their concentration. I don’t think you ever won another sportsmanship award after that, but oh well anything to help the team. Baba

I remember that day, I think we worked on that trick play for about a week before I could get you to use it in a game. After that the poor batters didn’t know which way to look for the ball. It sure broke up their concentration. I don’t think you ever won another sportsmanship award after that, but oh well anything to help the team. Baba

I remember that day, I think we worked on that trick play for about a week before I could get you to use it in a game. After that the poor batters didn’t know which way to look for the ball. It sure broke up their concentration. I don’t think you ever won another sportsmanship award after that, but oh well anything to help the team. Baba

I remember that day, I think we worked on that trick play for about a week before I could get you to use it in a game. After that the poor batters didn’t know which way to look for the ball. It sure broke up their concentration. I don’t think you ever won another sportsmanship award after that, but oh well anything to help the team.

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