RSBS Presents: Your Health

A lot of baseball action seems to be focused on the crotch. There isn’t a game that goes by without a shot of some infielder adjusting his cup and let’s be honest, it’s hard to blame them. I mean, it may be one of the most uncomfortable pieces of equipment ever made. But it’s also essential when balls are flying at you at speeds well over a hundred miles per hour. And even with that guard in place, it doesn’t mean that getting hit feels good. Speaking as a guy, I cringe anytime I see a video with a skateboarder doing the splits around a hand rail and I don’t like skateboarders.

However, there are different degrees of crotch related injuries. In the interest of public service RSBS brings you a guide to crotch injuries.


First Degree Crotch Related Injury

The first degree and the least fatal is seen demonstrated here by Alex Rodriguez for Ozzie Guillen. It is commonly referred to as “minor self-inflicted” or in more vulgar terminology as “digging a little too deep to kill those d@mn crabs.”

arod_crotch.JPG
Second Degree Crotch Related Injury

This type of injury is known as the “semi-major non self-inflicted” although it often has the potential to be even worse than the third category. This type of injury happens from time to time in baseball but usually only as a result of a collision or an errant throw. A football related demonstration is included here:

CrotchShot.jpgOne of the more famous examples of this type of injury can be seen demonstrated by Wayne Rooney while playing for England’s soccer team. At about the 40 second mark you can see the act in all it’s glory:


Third Degree Crotch Related Injury

The final category is officially called the “major self-inflicted” but is commonly known as the “Dude, you are such a dumb@ss” injury. The previously mentioned skateboarding injuries fit into this category as do many rollerblading and “free-style walking” related injuries. However, the most recent and most famous of this type of injury came to us just a few days ago courtesy of “The Boss” himself. It may not have been a wardrobe malfunction and it may not have garnered a fine but I don’t think Mr. Springsteen is going to be making any babies in the near future:

Anyway, that wraps up this edition of RSBS Presents: Your Health. Let’s keep those privates protected.

-A

 

18 Comments

Allen- I watched the Superbowl with a bunch of my chick friends and when we saw Bruce Springsteen slide into the camera we were all like “oooowwwwww.” It was mostly hilarious though, especially his face afterward, that “oh god, I have to keep going” look.
Emily
http://deconstructingthoughts.mlblogs.com/

hahah that was a funny blog!

~King of Cali
http://kingofcali.mlblogs.com/

Hahaha nice one, Allen. I’ve seen so many third-degree injuries that the natural reaction is no longer “ooooooh” but intense giggling.
Jen
http://ajroxmywhitesox.mlblogs.com

Bruce – I agree – no kids in his future! While I don’t have personal experience with the “crotch” injuries, I do know that when they are seen on TV my husband & sons all cringe!

Julia
http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/

This may be the first time I honestly don’t know what to say.. other than wow and ahh.. only on this blog.. lol.
- V [ http://flairforthedramatic.mlblogs.com ]

Allen,
I may be… guilty of inflicting a minor crotch injury on annoying Red Sox haters. They just went too far once, I swear!
-Elizabeth
http://redsoxgirl46.mlblogs.com

Thanks for that insightful and useful public safety message. Too funny!
-Kathy

http://redbirdchatter.mlblogs.com

I resent having to see that Rooney sending off again.

http://arizonaviaslough.blogspot.com/

Great pubic service. Thanks, guys!

http://diamondhacks.blogspot.com/

I still do not know Springsteen came up from that pop on the camera without a scratch or an adjustment of some sort. But that is why he is “The Boss.”

I seriously had a catcher in Senior League baseball in Florida who forgot to check his cup before an inning and the pitcher put one in the dirt and you saw it shift to the right a bit. On the next pitch he took one to the right boys that made him let out the most feminine scream I have ever heard.

After the game we were teasing his girlfriend that he got a 94 mph sex change via a bad hop. The poor guy limped for about a week. It was a serious injury, but come on we were 16 years old and you know we egged him for months.

Rays Renegade

http://raysrenegade.mlblogs.com

I totally miss the fact that he hurt himself on the slide I just thought is was a good move for an old guy

You do keep us guessing, Allen. You can go from Ann Coulter to crotch-grabbing in one head-spinning second. Kudos.

- http://janeheller.mlblogs.com

As you now can all see, Allen is quite the expert on crotchery. In college, he was dubbed: The Crotch-Man…. but for all the wrong reasons.
–Jeff

Hey guys, I have a question. How many times has Carl Pavano had such an injury? lol
http://metsmainman.mlblogs.com

Yeah so there was a kid on my high school football team who was always a little “different” and then one day they told me why everyone called him one nut. He took a line drive in baseball and that was the end of that. Forever he lived unbalanced if you will. Cups are made for a reason and may many of us never need to know why!
tom
http://rockymountainway.mlblogs.com

How hilarious is the comment “sent off” for the soccer game? The best part is that they actually put it on the screen as their explanation of what is going on with the player!
-Carl
http://crystalbaseball.mlblogs.com/

As a man I am in pain right now. I would never wish that on anyone, ever. The soccer one was so horrible.
http://downonstrikes.blogspot.com/

Oh wow. I remember the Rooney incident. That’s when I became a soccer fan. Not that particular game but that World Cup. Thanks for this. It was very… interesting.
Melissa
http://clemsongirlbaseball.mlblogs.com

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