An Aura of Ineptitude

david_wells.jpgAs a fan, one of the most difficult parts of spring training is watching your team show up and wondering who’s going to be disgustingly out of shape and how they’re possibly going to get ready in time for the season opener. If you had David Wells reporting, you didn’t worry so much because somehow that extra weight and general aura of deep-fryer fat that emanated from him was soothing. However, when you’re a Tigers fan and Miguel Cabrera is showing up soon, you worry.

It appears that worry is misplaced, though. Not only did Cabrera show up early, he apparently has dispatched that aura of mediocrity that shadowed him throughout the beginning of last season. Fantasy Baseball blogs are touting him as one of the top first basemen and despite his slow start last season and the lack of offensive output from the Tigers as a whole, he still ended up having a career year.

However, when it comes to crap-tastic auras, there is one man who surely takes the cake. That’s right, long-time friend of RSBS, Bud Selig, was back in the news today. See, Selig wants us to know that when the steroid snafu went down, he wasn’t playing Nero and fiddling while Rome burned like we all thought. No, he was trying to sniff out the problem, attempting to stomp out the fire before it exploded into the conflagration that now rages in front of us. And of course we know this is true because the story comes from a source on the inside, from a trustworthy someone named, uh, let me see here, Bud Selig. Huh. That seems kind of weird. 

We here at RSBS have often called out Mr. Selig on his general ineptitude and obvious mismanagement of the great American pastime. His ham-fisted attempts at regulation, be it contract negotiation or drug-testing, have only served to intensify the disparities in baseball. But, I think it’s about time we took this to the next level. If Mr. Selig were a dirigible, he’d be the Hindenburg. If he were a world leader of the past century, he’d be Neville Chamberlain. If Mr. Selig were a song, he’d be sung by Carly Simon. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m sure he’d fire a manager for less. He’s an unapologetic and unmitigated disaster and it’s time for him to go.

-A

15 Comments

Excellent choice of song. Why didn’t I think of that one? I must be slipping!

Julia
http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com

Yeah, I love how Bud is all outraged. Like he couldn’t have prevented it all in the first place. We have a phrase for that down here in the boondocks: closing the barn door after the cows are already out.
-Kathy
http://redbirdchatter.mlblogs.com

RSBS shoots…RSBS scores…Dirigible, boys I love it. Nowhere else can I count on someone bringing out a dirigible blast in a baseball blog. Love it. Hooked gotta come back for more. You get me on the comeback.
Tom
http://rockymountainway.mlblogs.com

A lot of the fantasy posts have put Miguel up there in the top 5 spot this Spring in hopes he will have the year they wanted from him from start to finish in 2008.

I like the way the guy plays, but is he really the best option at first base? Sometimes you wonder why they push guys around the infield like that, but Carlos Guillen did seem to play third base better than him after Brian Inge went back behind the plate.

Should be an interesting year in Motown. Will Dontrell Willis survive the year, or be down in Lakeland with the Flying Tigers again in 2009. Hopefully he will have a rebound year and find his groove again. BTW, Edwin Jackson could close if you needed a guy who throws hard and is good for three innings or less.

Rays Renegade

http://raysrenegade.mlblogs.com

Not only did the deep-fryer fat that emanated from David Wells work for him, but I’m sure he smelled like a delicious steakhouse for his teammates.
http://legentil.mlblogs.com

Don’t forget about the smoking, Al. Wells was a smoker in the clubhouse too, right? And drinker? And wall ******?
–Jeff

If Selig were a car he would be a Yugo, if he were a NBA player on an underperforming team he would be Amare ‘Its the coaches fault’ Stoudamire.
Im actually more worried about D-train this year, he can show up as fit as Richard Simmons and still not be able to get through two innings against the Hickory Crawdads.
I think you stole ‘crap-tastic’ from me but I can allow this since I plan to steal ‘ham-fisted’ from you.
I admire your penchant for the obscure word, high marks will be given if you can work ‘confluence’ in at some point (without any relation to geology of course)… guess I should do some work today. word.
DK

I can’t say ****** on MLBlogs? Seriously? Harvey’s Wallbangers? I can’t say that? For real? Arrggghh! Selig got me again!
–Jeff

Selig should be tarred and feathered…ok, maybe a tad medieval, but he seriously needs to GO!

Jenn
http://philliesphollowers.mlblogs.com/

I think Cabrera is going to have another good season. I want to get him on my Fantasy team if I can.

~King of Cali
http://kingofcali.mlblogs.com/

How can wallbanger be starred out? What if you were talking about Britain and how much you love bangers and mash? I’m totally with you, J. It can only be the fault of Bud Selig.
DK, thanks for the comment. I totally whiffed on missing the yugo comparison. And I promise you that if in my writing a confluence of political and baseball related topics arises such that I am able to use the word “confluence,” I will not hesitate.
Renegade, you have a point about Cabrera. However, his defense makes him a liability at third and despite last season, I still have faith in Leyland.
-A

“Aura of deep-fryer fat.” I had to stifle my laughter. I really need to stop reading MLBlogs in class, especially RSBS since I laugh pretty much every time I read a new blog.
Jen
http://ajroxmywhitesox.mlblogs.com

I must register my affection for Carly Simon, as much as it dates me or subjects me to ridicule. “He’s So Vain” is still a great song!

- http://janeheller.mlblogs.com

Interesting fact: That song was not written about James Taylor… it was written about superstar Allen Krause.
–Jeff

Well at least it is only the difference between a good Cabrera and a great Cabrera :)

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