Flexing the Omnipotent Pipes

devils_night_detroit.jpgGod hates Detroit. As if there were any doubts about this fact after watching last year’s Detroit Lions, Michigan Wolverines and Detroit Tigers, all you have to do is check the Detroit skyline every October 30 or read the newspapers today. Yes, god hates Detroit but it appears there is a good reason. Detroit hates god right back

And now it also appears that god has decided to flex those omnipotent muscles a little more in smiting Detroit. In the past five days, not only did Dontrelle Willis and Joel Zumaya land on the injured reserve, Gary Sheffield is also looking for a new home. Granted, Sheff has often been a cancer in the clubhouse and both Willis and Zumaya had less than impressive stuff last season. But these are not the kinds of things that Detroit and the state of Michigan need right now

However, I have a couple solutions. Perhaps we just need to butter the big guy up a little. How about a little of this to help out:

Or maybe we just have to really hope that Nietzsche had it right. What I do know is that things can always be worse. At least I’m not a homeless guy in Detroit.

detroit_frozen.jpg-A

16 comments

  2. redstatebluestate

    Remember, Julia. God HATES Detroit. Or maybe… maybe he does love them. I mean, Sheff is gone now, right?
    –Jeff

    Reply
  3. roundrock15

    I’ve spent a lot of time in Detroit (most of it accidentally). I remember watching the evening news one time, during a particularly nasty cold streak, and they interviewed several homeless people to see how they were dealing with the cold. I always wondered what their problem was. Most homeless people I know walk constantly. All day, miles and miles, around and around the same circuits. If they would just walk in one direction – southwest, most probably – instead of around in a circle, they would eventually be on the beach. Someday, they’ll figure it all out. I can’t wait for the Great Homeless Migration along the former Route 66.

    http://houston.mlblogs.com

    Reply
  4. Elizabeth D.

    Allen,
    Best opening sentence that I’ve read in a while! And I love Nietzsche! I took an elective on him over the summer. I haven’t ever been to Detroit, but I’d like to sometime. Has Willis looked any good this Spring?
    Elizabeth
    http://redsoxgirl46.mlblogs.com

    Reply
  7. Lissi

    Oh Detroit. St. Louis battles it every year for most dangerous city. I remember a few years ago St. Louis came out on top. I was so proud.
    Poor Detroit. I have nothing else to say.
    Funny story: Some people say the Indians should sign Sheff. This would amusing since according to him his first order of business would be to punch Fausto Carmona and Asdrubal Cabrera. Somehow I don’t think that would help his assimilation into the team.
    Melissa
    http://clemsongirlbaseball.mlblogs.com

    Reply
  14. Greg

    Hey, when did baseball get an injured reserve? 😉

    I was surprised Detroit axed the Sheff man. Plus, it’s not really a bad thing Willis is on the DL. I mean do you really want that guy pitching for you? Bonderman, though, he is joining Willis.

    Greg
    Red Sox Ramblings: http://thevendahhh.mlblogs.com

    Reply
  15. raysrenegade

    But you guys have that awesome carousel in your ballpark. And the hobo’s that panhandle at least say sir and Madam when they ask for money on the way through the parking lot.
    And you have Grosse Point, and the casinos, and Windsors adult communit across the bridge. Come on, I was in the airport, it is better than Atlanta’ s confusing signs, or Chicagos dirty terminals.
    At least you got a chance at getting Jay Cutler now………okay, you might be in the greatest graces with the guy above right now……………but the season begins Sunday officially!!!! Redemption could be close…….

    Rays Renegade

    http://raysrenegade.mlblogs.com

    Reply

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