Why Not Invoke Thy Holy Goat?

bishop tom burns.jpgVerily!  Every baseball season I, Jeffery Lung, walk through the valley of the shadow of death… also known as Wrigley Field.

I have been punched in the back of the head.  I have been called a f^g.  I have been kicked in the legs while relieving myself in the men’s room in between innings.

I have been told my mother will rot in hell.  I have had beer thrown on me.  I have been spit on.

So it is certainly no surprise to me that a bunch of Wrigleyville yahoos placed a severed goat head atop the infamously scary Harry Caray statue on the corner of Sheffield and Addison yesterday.

The curse of the billy goat — still haunting the not-so-friendly-if-you-wear-Cardinal-red confines — lives on, dear readers; and apparently, people still take it seriously.  Very seriously.

They take it so seriously that they are willing to act like bigger a-holes than they are already perceived to be.  

But such is life as a “lovable loser”, I suppose.

Impressed was I last year, before the National League Division Series, when the Cubs went for a more subtle approach to ending their poor luck: praying to God.  After the Greek Orthodox Reverend Father spread holy water throughout the clubhouse, Ryan Dempster responded by quickly walking seven batters; and the Cubs went on to lose three straight lackluster games to the Los Angeles (perhaps Holy) Dodgers.

Guess God don’t like no posers, ya’ll.

I was just thinking, Cub fans: perhaps ye should combine thy wasted efforts into one successful go-for-all.  Call on Bishop Tom Burns and his iconic regimental mascot (a goat no less) to bless thy dump of a field in that oh-so-vigilante neighborhood and ask him to pray for your forgiveness — for all thy slander-slinging, grudge-grovelling and curse-coveting. 

Couldn’t hurt, right?

Well… nah… I just realized, when your fan base is more known for this…

…than winning baseball games, you really don’t have a prayer, do you?

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

19 Comments

Oh my God. Is that seriously a bathroom in Wrigley? That’s disgusting. I seriously threw up a little. For all the sh*t you go through being a Cards fan in Chicago, I say you have more than earned the right to bash Cubs fans. And I thoroughly enjoy it! :)
Jen
http://ajroxmywhitesox.mlblogs.com

That video would be much better if it were set to Yakety Sax.
-Erin
http://plunking-gomez.mlblogs.com

Poor Jeff. At least we know Cubs fans are just jealous of the superior organization that is the Cardinals. I don’t think any amount of praying will help the Cubs at this point.
Melissa
http://clemsongirlbaseball.mlblogs.com

Ah, nothing like a little cub bashing to put a smile on my face. Of course, I wish I had not clicked on the video. Gag! Hopefully, our Cardinals stay hot and do some cub bashing of their own this weekend!
-Kathy
http://redbirdchatter.mlblogs.com

Jen — Looks just like it. The YouTube chatter seems to point to a debate, but I’ve seen similar acts at wrigley and they do have troughs like that and those guys are all tools just like the wrigley faithful.
Erin — If you can arrange it, I’ll play it ;-)
Melissa — Superior is RIGHT! Winningest franchise in NL history! 10 rings!
Kathy — I’ll be there Thursday and Sunday. If you don’t hear from me after that, have someone look under the bleachers for a dead man wearing a Molina jersey.
Julia — I know. I know.
–Jeff

Congrats on #3 Guys!

Julia
http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/

If that is truly what that guy is doing, all I can say is – Gross! Really gross!
Sue
Rants, Raves, and Random Thoughts

That might be the funniest and most disgusting thing I have ever seen! If it in fact took place at Wrigley it doesn’t surprise me at all ;-)

John
Major League Ballhawk
http://ballhawk.mlblogs.com
http://twitter.com/mlballhawk

To quote a famous blogger, “I wouldn’t have gone with that video, but that’s just me.” When are you making your pilgrimage to Wrigley this year? We’ll all start praying for you.:)

- http://janeheller.mlblogs.com

Sue — Cub fans tend to be “gross”.
John — Me neither ;-)
Jane — Touche. The pilgrimage begins tomorrow (say a prayer, yeah?)… and Sunday too. Cards are in town to whoop some tail!
–Jeff

I live just a few miles from Wrigley. That severed head was the talk of the town. Crazy, huh.

http://baseballintheattic.mlblogs.com/

I live just a few miles from Wrigley. That severed head was the talk of the town. Crazy, huh.

http://baseballintheattic.mlblogs.com/

Congrats on #3

I live and work a few miles from wrigley. Crazy
That severed head was the talk of the town

http://baseballintheattic.mlblogs.com/

You’re right, baseballintheattic. I’ll be in your neighborhood tomorrow to see the Cards beat ‘dem Cubbies!
–Jeff

As soon as I saw that picture and read the first 3 paragraphs I thought I knew what this article would be about. But when I read about the bishop – I guess I didn’t realize what this world has come to.
http://metsmainman.mlblogs.com

Congrats on #3.
Aaron
http://mlbtribefan.mlblogs.com

Jeff,
As a Cubs fan I can say I have experienced a lot of trash talk at Busch similar to what you have experienced at Wrigley. However, the “pissing trough” video was utterly disgusting!!!

Ron

http://strictlycubsbaseball.mlblogs.com/

Jeff- Wow, you go through a lot of misfortune. The video… I am speechless.
Emily
http://deconstructingthoughts.mlblogs.com/

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