Ban, Ban, Everywhere a Ban

banned.jpg

Having barely recovered from my colleague’s audacious yet titillating post from yesterday, which featured the buxom awesomeness of one Erin Andrews, I am sure you can imagine how exhausted I was this afternoon.  I was so worn out that I almost didn’t even have the energy to be shocked at the following news stories:

  • United Kingdom Bans Michael Savage for Being a Ranting A-Hole

  • University of Illinois at Chicago Bans Students from Shaking Hands (thanks a lot, swine flu, how are the kids gonna hook up now?)
  • MLB Bans Manny Ramirez for Testing Positive for PEDs

Okay, I admit, that last one isn’t really all that shocking considering the myriad priors of Manny Ramirez buffoonery.  Still, to be banned for 50 games?  Now that is saying something!  Kudos to Major League Baseball for throwing the hammer at a big-time rule-breaker not named J.C. Romero!

While the entire social networking world is going wild over this steroid ban by Tweeting and Facebooking and MySpacing and Moshpitting opinions at lightning speed, let us not lose sight of the fact that there is an awful lot of banning going on in the free world — some warranted (Manny), some not (UIC students).

And like most things trendy, tired and trite, RSBS strives to get in on the action.  So here is a short list of things that must be banned in the very near future:

BANNED: Paula Abdul’s Sobriety!!!
Wonder why American Idol ratings are down?  You think Adam Lambert and Simon Cowell can carry the show?  Ha!  Think again, squarepants.  Give me a whacked out loopy Paula and I’ll show you some damn ratings!

BANNED: Kyle Farnsworth’s Glasses!!!
They are not helping!  A 7.56 ERA?  Opponent BA of .314?  Somebody get this guy some steroids!  Stat!

BANNED: Paying Attention to Rod Blagojevich!!!
Seriously, does anyone really care anymore?

BANNED: Space-Ball!!!
Now that Virgin is revolutionizing space travel, just think of how many asterisks we will need once baseball is being played there!  Stop it now while we can!

And finally…

BANNED: The Yankees’ Ability to Beat the Red Sox!!!

Oh, wait, we already did that.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

6 Comments

Can we ban the baseball announcers on ESPN?

Julia
http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/

Damn that swine flu preventing kids from hooking up… And you totally forgot about you getting banned from Barry Zito’s twitter.
Emily
http://deconstructingthoughts.mlblogs.com/

I miss Paula’s reality show. I think it was supposed to prove that she’s not as dumb and drugged out as she seems (she’s not a drug addict, she has insomnia!), but it kind of did the opposite and made her look like even more of a train wreck. I don’t know what was the best part, maybe when she freaked out at her assistant for packing the wrong pants or her “I am a warrior, Jeff” speech when she was getting her hair done.
-Erin
http://plunking-gomez.mlblogs.com

Julia — This is US America. Free country. You can ban anyone or anything you want. Yay!
Emily — You’re right… but it’s been done already so he can eat it.
Erin — Don’t you feel misled by that show? I mean she was telling us there wasn’t a problem, but now it comes out that she’s been hooked for a decade. C’mon, now, Paula. Give it to me “straight up”.
–Jeff

I propose a ban on wildfires in California – and on a governor who pronounces our state “Caleefornia.”

- http://janeheller.mlblogs.com

Jane — Done and done. (In theory)
–Jeff

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