The Filibuster

What do you think will happen first: the Iranians blow us up or the Royals win the pennant?

Tim
Blue Springs, MO


__________________________________________

royals_blooper.jpgTim, first of all let me say that I understand your frustration.
Waiting for mutually assured destruction or the return of the George
Brett era Royals can both be daunting and rather fruitless tasks. Remember,
I’m a Lion’s fan. During our glory days, Henry Ford was still signing
the checks over at his eponymous motor company. But fear not! I have
some bad news for you but it’s followed by something a little more
positive.

First, the bad. The Iranians will have the bomb well before the Royals
ever win another pennant. In fact, there’s a good chance that the
Congolese and Nepalese will have the bomb before the Royals head to the
World Series again. I don’t say that to be mean, I just want to be
honest with you. It’s therapeutic.

But now the good news. No one really cares if the Iranians get the
bomb. It’s kind of a dirty little foreign policy secret but most
everyone, even Dick Cheney,
assumes that they’re only a year or two from it happening anyway. If we
were to go in today and knock out the nuclear sites we know about,
there’s enough redundancy in the program that it would probably only
set them back by a few months. Like it or not, the world is going to
have to accept the idea of a nuclear-armed Iran.

However, here’s the better news. Despite occasional
crackpot pronouncements by certain leaders, the bomb tends to moderate
those who possess it. What’s the old phrase, “With great power comes
great responsibility?” Once you have the bomb, you kind of have to take
care of it. Otherwise, it’s possible that it just might blow up in your
face…..pun intended.

So, Tim, take a lesson from Kubrick and Sellers and learn to stop worrying and love the bomb. Really, what do you have to worry about anyway? Let’s be honest, when the bombs start falling, Missouri is going to be some prime real estate. In fact, it will probably be the only untouched part of the country. Sleep tight, Timmy! You’re safe. Because, when you think about it, why would you nuke some wheat fields, a few cows and a really crappy baseball team?

-A

6 Comments

Well, at least the cows are safe. That makes me feel a bit better :O)

Jenn
http://philliesphollowers.mlblogs.com/

Yes – but they might confuse “Royals” with the “people in charge”.

Julia
http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/

The Mullahs are fanatical; not stupid. Pulling anything crazy with the bomb if and when they do get their hands on it and the I-Pod-loving, pro-Western kids that permeate the land will be digging through the rubble to find their MTV.
Ah, the Royals; it seems like only yesterday that people were calling them a “darkhorse pick” to contend this year. It wasn’t yesterday; it was a couple of weeks ago.
You wouldn’t have thought it possible, but Mike Aviles is hitting almost as poorly as Tony Pena Jr. It takes skill to find and play TWO shortstops who have a combined batting average lower than Julio Lugo. And not a good skill either.
http://www.paullebowitz.com/

I’ll take the Iranians. At least the people there care about winning.

Steve T.
http://soxblog.mlblogs.com

Maybe the Iranians could play the Royals, and whoever wins gets the bomb?

- http://janeheller.mlblogs.com

“In fact, there’s a good chance that the Congolese and Nepalese will have the bomb before the Royals head to the World Series again.”

ROFLMAO!

Reminded of the futility that is being a Texas Rangers fan.

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