Quick! Give Him the Key to the City!

stephen strasburg.jpgWould someone please explain to me how MLB.com (in all its ballsy-get-outta-my-way glory) has no problem calling Washington Nationals’ first round draft pick, Stephen Strasburg, a “future ace” before he has ever put on a Big League uniform?  I speak Chinese.  I speak it really well.  That does not make me the “future ace” of Sino-US diplomacy.

Or does it?

Now that I have suffered through Bud Selig mispronouncing Cincinnati as “Cincin-nattuh”, Harold Reynolds beating the meaning out of the word “signability” and the absence of MLB Tonight (perhaps the most entertaining baseball program on the planet due to its painstaking efforts to suck in the ADD crowd), I think I have a solution to all this draft hoopla.

Listen up, Washington Nationals.  Quickly, throw all the money you have at Strasburg, give him a private jet, a harem fit for a politician and whatever else he could possibly need, then let that boy prove himself at the Major League level.  Right now

The current state of the Nationals is, at best, barrenly bleak: their pitching staff is five Shairon Martis wins above absolutely atrocious, their defense makes Alfonso Soriano look like a diamond wheel gold-glover, Adam Dunn can’t get a properly fitted jersey to save his spare tire, the jerseys they do have are highly susceptible to the occasional spelling blunder (*ahem*, make that, blunders, plural), they suffer from an extreme identity crisis (are we the Nationals/Expos/Senators/Twins/Rangers/the other Senators?), enlist low-brow stomach-churning marketing, are exposed by their inability to properly discharge sausages into the stands, still employ Kip Wells and now they can’t even shoot off fireworks without dumping debris on their own city fire chief (thanks for the tip, Matt).

What the hell could it hurt to put Strasburg in the rotation? 

Throw him into the D.C. fire already.  Let’s see if this kid is indeed a “future ace”, an ace, a back-end starter or a just a plain old joke like the rest of the Washington Nationals.

Do it, do it quickly and do it now.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

16 Comments

Jeebus, is Strasburg from Vulcan? Look at those freakin ears! Oh wait, he’s smiling, must be a Romulan. :^)

No – I think he’s half Vulcan/half Romulan. And is that the worse fake smile you’ve ever seen? hmmmm….maybe he’s Borg.

Julia
http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/

Jonestein — I think Julia is right. He’s a Vulculan (aka Romu-Vulcan).
Julia — If you had Boras and you were the top pick in the draft, you’d be smiling like that too. LOL.
–Jeff

Yeah, make Strasburg a starter! He’ll be fine. It’s not like Dusty Baker is managing the Nats or anything.
-Erin
http://plunking-gomez.mlblogs.com

That’s a great idea, Erin! Look how well it worked for fellow first pick Mark Prior! The best pitcher EVER!
–Jeff

You pretty much wrapped up the state of the Nationals, and with Scott Boras as this kids agent, my guess is they’ll be having some trouble affording him.
Emily
http://deconstructingthoughts.mlblogs.com/

I think the jersey screw-up was a bad omen. Oh wait, they were doomed long before that. So, Strasburg’s the messiah, huh? Gee, and I thought it was Obama. (That’s just a little RED state humor!)
Lori
http://luckylori.mlblogs.com

I’m OK with an unproven “future ace,” but only in regards to the Nationals. Anywhere else, he’s a “top prospect.” I’m pretty sure I could crack that rotation with a little training and some ster– uh, I mean–some vitamins. Yeah, vitamins. That’s right.

Steve T.
http://soxblog.mlblogs.com

Emily — Yes, this could end up being a big wash anyway. Let us not hold our collective breath.
Lori — Obama/Strasburg 2012. I can see it already.
Steve — Vitamin B-12. I think that’s what you were trying to say ;-)
–Jeff

I think he is a hybrid Borasism.
Part Scott Boras’s meal ticket, and part the next best thing to Frank Howard in Washington DC baseball.
It must be great to be called an “ace” and have your millions before you even get to camp somewhere, or maybe a flight to DC to start the day after signing is in the wings for the new toast of DC.
Obama has been in office long enough, he will share some DC spotlight for awhile.

Rays Renegade

http://raysrenegade.mlblogs.com

I think your right! You may not speak Chinese or
anything, but you speak common sense, hahaha!
In Stephen Strasburg’s pic he sorta looks like an elf,
I’m not trying to be mean but he does.
Oh, and thank you for the welcoming, :)
http://tribechick.mlblogs.com/

RR — Indeed. Obama needs some of the heat taken off of him. Strasburg seems just the man (plus, he looks like a Republican, doesn’t he?).
–Jeff

Tribechick — “Elf” may be too kind a term for what Strasburg looks like in that pic ;-)
–Jeff

He may look like an elf, but he’s gonna be a very rich elf. Maybe he can buy his own team. :)

- http://janeheller.mlblogs.com

Jane — I like how ya think. Ladies and Gentleman, we present to you the Washington D.C. Strasburgs of Scott Boras!
–Jeff

I can’t agree more. The Nats must lock up Strasburg. Especially since he’s running for President: http://www.strasburg2012.com

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