The Filibuster

Everyone hates me! I don’t understand it. It’s like I’m the anti-Midas.
Instead of turning to gold, everything I touch turns to s**t. And now
they’re even booing me! I just want to be loved. What do I have to do
to be loved?

M. Bradley
Chicago, IL
__________________________________________

milton_bradley_angry.jpgRSBS‘ dear readers know that I am always one for some good old japery, so I will ignore the fact that this question comes to us from a Hotmail address with the username LouBrockLover67 attached and assume that you, M. Bradley, were at one time a huge follower of the powerhouse Cardinal club of the mid to late 60s and just go with it.  Of course, I am also secretly holding my breath that the Chicago Tribune gets word of this post and in digging through the RSBS archives publicizes the fact that I have called a certain M. Bradley a “whiny spoiled crybaby man-child” on more than at least twenty occasions.  Hey, It worked for J-Rod and Raul Ibanez…  ah… yes, a fettered blogger can dream; I suppose that is still legal and accepted (for now).

But, at this time, what causes my greatest concern is the notion that the Chicago Cubs are being hijacked by just one individual’s antics, gaffes and overall lack of production at the plate, which runs contrary to the the aged tradition of the Cubs’ losing woes being dependent on a complete team effort (or, more appropriately, the lack thereof).

Yes, M. Bradley, everything you touch does turn to s**t, but at least you have the good sense to throw it back into the stands — with only two outs.  Look, they are going to boo you just like they boo Fukudome and Soriano and Lee, just like they booed Kyle Farnsworth and Jacque Jones and Keith Moreland before.  Cub fans boo.  That’s what they do.  There ain’t no changing that.

Still, a less hostile playing environment at Wrigley could be had if you, M. Bradley follow these simple guidelines for success: a) hit over .230 b) bash a Gatorade cooler in the dugout with a bat and c) give back that $30 million and just play for the fun of it!

See?  Now that was the easy part.  Unfortunately, M. Bradley, since Northsiders have proven over the years that they are absolutely incapable of love (see Bartman, Sammy Sosa and Dusty Baker), I am afraid that you will just have to do without while patrolling the swirling winds of fickleness at Clark and Addison.

Beer.  That is the only thing Cub fans love.  Buy the right field bleacher bums a couple of rounds of beer with that fat, zero laden paycheck and you might just get the impression that you’re liked… sorta.

Until they sober up.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

***SEND US YOUR FILIBUSTERS****

Something on your mind?  Want to see Jeff and Al sweat (separately, not together, eww)?  Think you got a real stumper?  Send us your Filibuster question(s) by commenting or emailing them to us at kraulung@gmail.com. 

***Pictures of Sarah Palin in a swimsuit also welcome.

15 Comments

I think the answer is BEER!

Julia
http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/

They can feast on the bones of Gerald Perry for awhile at least.
http://www.paullebowitz.com/

I’m glad the Rangers got rid of that knucklehead.

http://jonestein.mlblogs.com/

I love Milton Bradley, really, what’s not to love? Everything that comes out of that man’s mouth is pure gold. He has a notoriously short fuse, so there’s always the possibility of a good old-fashioned brawl whenever he’s on the field. Plus his brain cramp completely made my day (which reminds me, I should send Milton a thank-you card).
-Erin
http://plunking-gomez.mlblogs.com

Milton Bradley is great material for us bloggers. He should keep up the clown act!

http://janeheller.mlblogs.com

Beer seems to be the solution to every problem…
Emily
http://deconstructingthoughts.mlblogs.com/

I love watching Milton Bradley–from a distance. He’s baseball’s answer to Lindsay Lohan.

Steve T.
http://soxblog.mlblogs.com

Julia — Could be. There is no other excuse.
Paul — Most Cub fans don’t even know who Gerald Perry is!
Jonestein — He gave you guys the best year of his career! Good thing he left when he did.
Erin — I figured you’d like that play ;-)
Jane — Secretly, yes, I agree.
Emily — Seems to be the root of all MY problems.
Steve — Except not as sexy.
–Jeff

Bradley cracks me up…he is too emotional for his own good sometimes. Phils fans boo’ed him when he was visiting a few years back, but instead of just ignoring them (like most players do), he started yelling back! That was pretty entertaining. I felt for the guy, but he did not do much to help himself out.

Jenn
http://philliesphollowers.mlblogs.com/

Children often do not know when they are being childish, Jen. Hey, “THE PEN” was awesome by the way!
–Jeff

Jeff – One man’s bat does not a team make (I typed that in my Yoda voice). I always saw Milty as the Terrell Owens of the Rangers. Both teams are better off without their respective “T.O’s”. :^)

Honestly, I’m not the biggest fan of Milton Bradley.
-Dillon
http://dillonm.mlblogs.com

Jonestein — Except T.O. actually earned his money with big plays… Bradley has yet to do that this year but I like the comparison.
Dillon — Who is? LOL.
–Jeff

When my father was in college at Northwestern, he used to go to Cubs games everyday over the summer, sit in the right field bleachers, and wave to Andre Dawson. I want to go to Wrigley.
I remember watching his… I don’t even know the word… inauguration? for the Cubs (when he got his uniform or whatever) he seemed pretty monotonous and unexcited. Good tips for him though. In the very early stages of baseball, there were rules stating that no one would be paid– it should stay an amateurs game. Oh research paper…
Elizabeth
http://redsoxgirl46.mlblogs.com

Elizabeth — Rightfully noted. Bradley has had the air of stuck-up-edness from day one… delivering nothing (to date). For your research: The owners also collectively agreed in the mid 30s that night-games would be the ultimate end to the beloved game of baseball. Nope. They were wrong ;-)
–Jeff

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