Fireworks!!!

miss teen south carolina.jpgNothing says US American like a cute, dumb, South Carolinian teenager proclaiming our need to help the “education like such as South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as”… well, I mean, nothing says US American like that and fireworks.  Of course.

And boy are the fireworks a flyin’.

Satiating our drama-seeking souls, Placido Polanco provided plenty of fireworks after getting clipped in the nuts by a foul tip in last evening’s 16-inning game against the Twins.  He took a long, painful breather before getting back in the batter’s box and hitting the game-winning single right back up the middle.

In Cincinnati, Albert Pujols — BASEBALL GOD INCARNATE — made a strong case for his being walked with the bases loaded.  Instead, David Weathers (whom Albert owns) threw one right down central.  Pujols wasted no time in hitting his fourth grand slam of the season.

Still, these on the field heroics have nothing on the fireworks Sarah Palin shot off Friday by announcing her resignation as governor of the great state of Alaska.

We put our faithful RSBS interns on the beat and they discovered the following reasons behind Palin’s controversial gubernatorial departure:

  • Thumbnail image for sarah_palin.jpgAlaska is boring
  • wants to move to Canada, where people actually know what a “hockey mom” is
  • needs more time to combat pro-choice, but only in cases involving middle to upper class white people
  • Todd Palin is tired of being shown up by his librarian-hot wife
  • the Washington Nationals are holding tryouts and she’s been working on a knuckle ball
  • wants to hunt down Katie Couric, shoot her and feed her to bears
  • Lorne Michaels offered her a permanent role on SNL as the new reincarnation of Dana Carvey’s Church Lady (Tina Fey’s position as Palin will not change)
  • experimenting with new medical procedure that will allow her to “grow a pair”
  • embarrassed she misunderstood the TransCanada Pipeline project did not involve weed
  • earmarked billions to provide maps to US Americans out there in our nation who don’t have maps, which will eventually aid the education like such as South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as so everyone can plainly see that the “bridge to nowhere” does go to a town with a population of 50 people, all of whom desperately need maps to find that $442 million bridge

Boom! Boom! Boom!

Happy 4th, my fellow US Americans!

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

18 Comments

Lol, hah, I knew you’d take this holiday to.. celebrate Miss South Carolina..
“the Washington Nationals are holding tryouts and she’s been working on a knuckle ball” .. I don’t even think they would take her.. Nationals may suckk, but they, unlike Republicans, know better than that..
If Palin is setting herself up for a run for president w/ this resignation.. we get to laugh at her all over again, what what! Lol..
- V [ http://flairforthedramatic.mlblogs.com ]

Yeeeeeeeees I was waiting for this. :) RSBS never disappoints. “Bridge to nowhere” bullet point, hilarious. And feeding Katie Couric to bears. Also a good time. Hahahaha! Well done!
Jen
http://ajroxmywhitesox.mlblogs.com

On the real, V. The day Palin leaves this earth is the day funny stops.
Jen — We aim to please. Seriously, that bridge goes to a town of 50 people! And Palin flip-flopped positions on the subject… MUST HAVE BULLET POINTS ;-)
–Jeff

Whether Palin is planning a Presidential run, trying out for the Nats, or moving to Canada, as long as those Tina Fey-as-Sarah Palin skits continue, I don’t really care what she does.
Paige
http://bestof162.mlblogs.com/

Paige — Pretty sure we’ll be seeing those skits for a long time still.
–Jeff

At least we won’t here about her for the next month
Happy Forth

Johnny
http://13mlb.mlblogs.com/

and I just mispelled hear
sorry!

Maybe she can get hired as one of your “interns?” She’s out of work, so why not? Hope you’re having a good 4th.

- http://janeheller.mlblogs.com

Maybe she’s worked out a deal to fill in for Letterman on his nights off.

Steve T.
http://soxblog.mlblogs.com

If you think Palin is funny, you’ll love this: Stop by my blog to read about how FOX Sports on the 4th of July, insulted not only the USA, but both Lou Gehrig and Jamie Moyer all in one shot… http://philliesphollowers.mlblogs.com/archives/2009/07/fireworks_in_philly_-_how_fox.html

Not to mention thousands of baseball fans around the world…sad.
Well, at least we have Palin to cheer us up :O)
Jenn
http://philliesphollowers.mlblogs.com/

I always love seeing fireworks on the 4th of July. It’s the biggest event of the summer.
-Dillon
http://dillonm.mlblogs.com

happy 4th. very funny post!

Miss South Carolina and Sarah Palin is way too much dumb for me to take at one time. I haz hed owie.
-Erin
http://plunking-gomez.mlblogs.com

I was about to make a crack about her being an Obamessiah supporter because of the simpleton-attracting campaign catch phase “Yes, We Can”, but quickly realized I was showing wayyy too much confidence in her two, like, brain cells.

Johnny – We’ll be hearing about her for years to come I’m afraid.
Jane — That’s a great idea! Get me her info and we’ll go from there.
Steve — Golden. That would be golden.
Jenn — Fox and Palin are in cahoots. Sad world.
Dillon — Me too. Especially on the ballfield.
FBC — Thanks. Back atchya!
Erin — I haz one tooz.
Jonestein — If you look closely, I think there are at least three.
–Jeff

Hey,
She is still on my list of PILF, which of course doesn’t include Hillary.
You got to think that a place that is famous more for a crabbing show than for anything else beside the sled race might need a better PR model than Palin.
But she did what is expected of a politician, she gave people material for a year, and they are still using the “Palin” card.

Great job by the inter. Be sure to insert an extra morsel of Snickers bar with almonds in their daily mush bowl.
Always a pleasure to visit the RSBS. Maybe you can be our 51st state……….The State of Mind.
I visit it already enough for citizenship

Rays Renegade

http://raysrenegade.mlblogs.com

RR — For that comment you get to be Governor of RSBS… if you’re up for the job that is ;-)
–Jeff

I once dated a Governor’s daughter for a month. That could be enough political clout for at least Lt. Governor.
I will relocate the Governor’s Mansion to Belize, or maybe Honduras lol

Rays Renegade

http://raysrenegade.mlblogs.com

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 67 other followers

%d bloggers like this: