All Hail the Porn ‘Stache King

keith hernandez smoking.jpgWhile the St. Louis Cardinals’ starting rotation enjoys the type of success only attributable to their communitarian growing of porn mustaches, I think it is paramount that we remember and tribute the original porn ‘stache advocate and universal party animal: Keith Barlow Hernandez.

Of course, odes to the mustachioed have long been a staple of the RSBS platform; yet singling out the lone ranger of ‘stache stylings has always seemed too daunting a task — yes, even for us, for how does one further praise the coolest man to ever wear a uniform without coming off as… er, weird?  Luckily, some smart guys with lots of time on their hands made a movie about him, and we proudly re-present it here.  It’s about 20 minutes long, so be prepared to go deep inside the awesomeness that is/was Keith Hernandez… and remember, the average cocaine high only lasts about 20 minutes, so you may want to plan accordingly:

http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=4288854&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1

I’m Keith Hernandez from water&power on Vimeo.

Drugs are bad.  Porn ‘staches are good.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

(*Special thanks to Hugging Harold Reynolds for bringing this film to our attention)

23 Comments

Oh you missed the porno stache of Rays reliever Dale Thayer earlier this season.
I thought Pat Burrell did his Fu Manchu as a retrospect to the Thayer stache.
The team also sported makeshift black renditions of the Thayer nose clothing during a Sunday game against the Marlins back on May 24th.
But it is always great to see the guy who started it all get some press besides a commercial with Walt Frazier.
Just For Men beard sales went through the roof in Jersey and New York.

Rays Renegade

http://raysrenegade.mlblogs.com

Yeah, I thought it was freakin hilarious when [insert inevitable Keith Hernandez/”Seinfeld” recollection response here]! I’ll never forget THAT one…lol.
http://jonestein.mlblogs.com/

RR — Because of all this retro-ness I’m seriously considering shaving my goatee and going w/ the ‘stache myself.
Jonestein — Indeed, there are many… but never enough!
–Jeff

Jeff, maybe you and Al need to grow some ‘staches. :-)

Julia
http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/

Seriously. Julia. I just might do it to see if I can pull it off ;-)
–Jeff

No one, and I mean no one will ever overtake Sal Fasano in the category of porn mustaches. Fasano had Keith beat because Keith’s a good looking guy, but Fasano looks like a typical male performer in the swingin’ 70s and 80s with the beefy build and that he looks hairy and probably sweats a lot in areas we don’t wanna think about.
Keith is a weird guy. He was supposed to be a guest on Ed Randle’s radio show a couple of Sundays ago and he said on a Mets broadcast that he’d overslept and had to apologize to Ed. There were two messages on Keith’s cell phone from the guy and I was thinking, “you didn’t call to apologize to the poor *******?”
http://www.paullebowitz.com/

You can get the word “porn” thru, but the word schmu<k gets censored?

Great video.
-Dillon
http://dillonm.mlblogs.com

I’ve always been partial to Dennis Eckersley’s ‘stache myself, just because he has the mullet to go along with it.
-Erin
http://plunking-gomez.mlblogs.com

Dr. Phil’s got an epic porn stache, and I’m sorry but I’m not taking advice from anybody with a porn mustache. And I was just getting to watch that video when Jayson Werth hit a grand slam to make the score 22-1 against the Reds. Sweet deal.
http://payoffpitch.mlblogs.com New blog post.

Great entry Jeff!
An epic ‘stache is the best kind of fashion statement!
I like Clay Zavada’s personally.
Hopefully I can get around to that video, it looks funny.

-http://the3rs.mlblogs.com/

I wouldn’t get too excited about Jayson Werth hitting a grand slam off of infielder Paul Janish.
http://www.paullebowitz.com/

Prince — Good points, still, I think we’re grading on a different scale. Mine takes into account winning and making those around you win. Would the ’86 Mets have won without all that coke and swagger in the clubhouse? And, FYI, the MLBlog net nanny has Jewish roots so watch your Yiddish.
Dillon — Thanks.
Erin — Yeah, Eck was an honorable mention a while ago. He would also plunk guys at will, which made him even more bad^ss.
Phi8008 — I turned that game off after the first inning… but I’m glad Werth was able to pad some numbers off an infielder.
FBC — It’s funny… and completely true. Every bit of it.
Prince — If it were off Swisher I’d be excited.
–Jeff

Fasano’s stache should definitely make the Hall of Fame of staches, but Giambi gets into the Hall too, because his went from gray to dark brown in one season! All hail Keith though. During the Yankees’ series against the Mets, he seemed to be fast asleep when the camera caught him in the broadcast booth.

http://janeheller.mlblogs.com

When you’re Keith Hernandez, Jane, even sleeping in the booth is considered golden entertainment ;-)
–Jeff

Jeff, I’m in complete agreement with Julia. I think you could pull off the mustache well… but not that I’m trying to insinuate anything by telling you to grow a porn mustache…
Emily
http://deconstructingthoughts.mlblogs.com/

Emily — Well, I’m seriously thinking about it now. If I do, you can be sure I’ll show it off here ;-)
–Jeff

How bout Rollie Fingers, he got some stache

Johnny
http://13mlb.mlblogs.com/

Johnny — You’re right, but his ‘stache is more fit for a circus than a baseball field ;-)
–Jeff

my love for keith hernandez started when he was on seinfeld. great episodes with him!

http://pittpeas.mlblogs.com

Pittpeas — Congratulations. You have officially made me feel old… because my appreciation began in 1982 when he was wearing the birds on the bat ;-)
–Jeff

Just the other day I was telling my good friend Scott The Cubs Fan how much this year’s Cardinals and their ‘staches remind me of the ’86 Mets…minus all the blow.

Chris
http://bird-brained.mlblogs.com

Chris — Haha! No blow (i hope) but a lot of swagger. That’s for sure.
–Jeff

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