Death by Chocolate

dual_willy_wonka.jpgThe events of the past couple weeks have obviously left me thinking quite a bit about the idea of mortality. Not my own, of course, as I don’t ever plan on dying. But rather the idea of mortality in a philosophical sense. There are so many different ways that one can shuffle off this mortal coil and it’s a topic we’re so obsessed with but, at the same time, we know next to nothing about it.

Some people make a grand exit, whether it be Reagan’s processional farewell, Michael’s tear-strewn send-off or Ted Williams’ bizarre, cryogenically frozen head. And some people just sneak away. Maybe there’s a small obituary, maybe even a large one if they were well-known, but the exit itself is quiet and unassuming.

However, sometimes the end is simultaneously quick and disturbingly bizarre. A case in point is  Vincent Smith, Jr. and his recent cocoa related misadventures. I mean, we expect strange things out of New Jersey but dying in a vat of chocolate?

So, as we head into the All-Star break and you start to realize that your team is either on life support or has already been declared DOA (I’m looking at you, Nats’ fans), remember that it could be worse. At least they didn’t die in a huge vat of chocolate.

-A

15 Comments

I’m surprised Jesse Jackson and/or Al Sharpton didn’t fly out to Jersey for some on-camera face-time and to turn this poor guy’s mishap into a racial thing. Guess they were too busy hamming it up during MJ’s death. ;^)
http://jonestein.mlblogs.com/

Haha, that’s great! My Padres just hit the cellar for the first time all season, and I have a feeling that we’re be hanging around here for a while. But true, at least they didn’t die by chocolate :)
http://kaybee.mlblogs.com

I think the Yankees are gonna be ok, unless whats left of there pitching staff deiced to take a chocolate factory tour, I think CC would be all for that :), I’m just kiddin

Johnny
http://13mlb.mlblogs.com/

When my time is up, I’ll take a vat of chocolate any day. What a way to go. Yum….then….nothingness.

http://janeheller.mlblogs.com

I’m with Jane on this one. That has got to be the most delicious death ever. I can’t think of a tastier way to die.
Jen
http://ajroxmywhitesox.mlblogs.com

I could… y’know, like dying in Jessica Biel’s arms.
–Jeff

…or even better, Jessica Biel’s chocolate coated arms…among other things. :^)
–Jonestein

… great, thanks a lot, Jonestein… not only am I salivating from watching this Cards/Brewers game at work, but now I gotta suppress my desires until I get back to the privacy of my home. Jeesh. And it’s only Thursday…
–Jeff

I would take death by chocolate over death by a billion broken-bat singles any day. It’s much, much faster.
-Erin
http://plunking-gomez.mlblogs.com

Okay – this is were I admit – I starred in a play called “Death By Chocolate”. I played a “recovered” street-walker.

Julia
http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/

Ooompa Loompa, gobble-dee-goo, life isn’t fair, it’s sad but it’s true…
Allen, how’s Jeff coping with the Erin Andrews incident? Is his love strong enough to withstand a hideous disfigurement? I’m not so sure.
http://www.paullebowitz.com/

What a bizarre death! Thanks for the link to that interesting story, I’ve never heard of anything like it.

-http://the3rs.mlblogs.com/

I’m hanging in there, Prince. I’m hanging in there. Thanks for the concern. I was close to plunging into some chocolate myself when I first heard the news.
–Jeff

Spread the word about Google and their business practices. Apparently, my ad stopped running because someone unilaterally decided, based on some obscure crud, to stop running it. No specific reason was given. I got a little testy on the phone. Just a little.
Considering the number of porn ads they run, maybe my innocent baseball website ain’t racy enough for them and my money’s not enough to inspire them to do some business with me. I’ve moved onto Bing to see how that goes and will move along to other avenues to promote my site. Unbelievable.
http://www.paullebowitz.com/

Welcome to the world of “the MAN could give a s***”. Whether it’s Amazon or Google or iTunes… we’re just small fish that keep comin’ back for more. You’ll do fine without ‘em, Prince. Holla if you need some guidance.
–Jeff

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