The Shot (No One) Heard Around the World

The next time you begin to entertain the idea that steroids may not make a better baseball player, please remember the curious case of Jason Giambi:

jason giambi young.jpgjason giambi steroids.jpg

Yeah.  That is the same guy.  Trust me.

And if you analyze his stats, you will notice a surge in the power department during the years Mr. Giambi was admittedly jivin’ on the juice.  Sure, there was some inherent talent there; that’s the only way it works.  Put me on some ‘roids and you will just end up with a big, nerdy ogre-man who still can’t hit a slider.

But Jason Giambi?  Dear readers, the man has declined.

Despite a serviceable 2008 where a mysteriously magic mustache allowed him to overcome his initial ‘roid-wreck, the 2009 feel-good reunion with the Oakland A’s brought nothing but disappointment — so much so that Billy Beane couldn’t find any use for him at all.


“Uh. Yeah. Uh. If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was. Hold me down baby.”
–DMX, Let it Fly

jason giambi drunk.jpgWell, even with all his faults (that vomit inducing .193 batting average in particular) I suppose baseball must love Jason Giambi because the Colorado Rockies just signed him to a minor league deal.

I watched MLB related news and programming all night long and no one even mentioned this.

Because no one cares.

And if no one cares that the Rockies signed Jason Giambi, then absolutely no one will care that the Rockies also signed Russ Ortiz.

Russ who?

Exactly.

Sure, the Rockies may be in the thick of the playoff hunt, but neither one of these acquisitions will factor into any type of potential success.  They are both large and looming disappointments — let-downs determined to strike out with the bases loaded, to give up a grand slam, to muff into oblivion.

If I were Giambi, if I were Ortiz, I’d rather spend my time signing some hot chick’s breasts.  Duh.  At least by doing that you don’t risk humiliating yourself over and over again.  (Again, trust me)

Hate me ‘cuz I hate on the dynamically duddy duo of Giambi/Ortiz, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

20 Comments

At least Ortiz is hitting. But why the Rockies? They know they need good players to chase down the Dodgers – right? It is so confusing…..

Julia
http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/

Great post Jeff. Clever twist on the title.
-Dillon
http://dillonm.mlblogs.com

I am very disturbed by the Rockies’ signings of Giambi and Ortiz. As an Astros fan I have witnessed firsthand Russ’ failings, and I hate anybody who makes a public scene about being demoted to the bullpen. The Rox are known for being a team with character and class. I’m afraid a juicer and an ex-ace are not the correct way to keep up that reputation. Besides, if it ain’t broke…
Kylie — http://kylie.mlblogs.com

Julia — Ortiz is hitting now. How long will he run on these fumes though? These are low upside, maybe/if pieces at best.
Dillon — Thanks, man. I try.
Kylie — I hear ya. And it’s been a loooooooong time since Russ was an Ace.
–Jeff

Jeff – I cant believe you sat up all night watching for this news…. we do what we must for a story…. I do agree with everything almost.. just the one little issue with…”signing some hot chick’s breasts. Duh. At least by doing that you don’t risk humiliating yourself over and over again”… I think even they can humiliate themselves doing that and get slapped a few times too….me I could do that all day and not get bored…:-)
Just signing these guys is a big Homer DOH!!
~peter
Outside the Phillies looking In
http://devilabrit.mlblogs.com

Peter — If they’re destined to fail in the signing breast department too, then can I get a chance? I won’t blow it. I promise.
–Jeff

Silly Jeff. Only rock stars and major-league ball players get to sign women’s breasts. Which is probably why these guys can’t let it go just yet.
-Erin
http://plunking-gomez.blogspot.com

Erin — You know too much. You’ve endangered the mission. You shouldn’t have come.
–Jeff

Jeff – I don’t think there is going to be a problem, most of the chicks that get their breasts signed just join a signing line, they dont know who it is half the time, or they’re so wasted they don’t care… I think if you set up a fake signing line with a fake poster, they wouldn’t know, they’d let you sign their breast just in case you were someone…. maybe thats a task for RSBS to check out and see if it works…
~peter
Outside the Phillies Looking In
http://devilabrit.mlblogs.com

Peter, I am so on that. So on it.
–Jeff

Thanks for the fill-in, Jeff. I sure as hell would’nt have known Giambi was signed even if it was written by a skywriter. Even as a Yankee fan, I was never very fond of Giambi. The pornstar mustache didn’t help his case for me, either. Ick.

- Lisa
http://perennialpinstriper.mlblogs.com/

If I was a 21-year-old kid who didn’t know how to do much of anything else and had a chance to make it to the big leagues and make a fortune, I’d have stuck that needle into my **** so fast the rest of reality would’ve looked like it was standing still.
http://www.paullebowitz.com/

Most success from using steroids: Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Jose Canseco, Jason Giambi, David Ortiz. =/ boo, why do they have to cheat to do good?
http://tribewithted.mlblogs.com/

Lisa — I thought Yankee fans loved that thing. They even dedicated a whole day to it last year.
Prince — Luckily for your **** that didn’t happen. They do have large veins though.
Ted — ‘Cuz Bud & Co. looked the other way.
–Jeff

I always liked Giambi, so I’m glad he gets a chance to provide some power off the bench and keep going. Who knows if he’ll hit at all. But the Rockies probably got him for nothing.

- http://janeheller.mlblogs.com

Jane — You’re a Giambi fan? Really? Hm. Well, you’re right about the “for nothing” part… which is exactly what he’s worth, especially considering he won’t factor in at all.
–Jeff

Jeff,
I have met the guy a few times when he was outr cruising the chicken wing joints with some of his team mates.
I like the guy for what he did on the ball field, and actually wanted the Rays to sign him instead of Burrell way back in March 2009.
I do have to say, on the Trop’s jumbotron, he looks like he has serial killer eyes.
But now that he is in Triple-A Colorado Springs rehabbing himself and getting back into “fighter’s mode” I only wish the best for the guy.
I can not throw a stone in regards to the steroids situation, because there are still so many names still left to be revealed it would be pointless. But common sense and his stats tells us he is off them now, and we are seeing the ture talents and power of Giambi.
Hopefully he will get another chance at the postseason with the Rockies and thrust that ball deep into the Denver night and silence a few voices for awhile.

Rays Renegade

http://raysrenegade.mlblogs.com

Wow, those two photos explain everything! Is it me or does it always look like he is on something?
http://clevelandbaseball.mlblogs.com/
http://twitter.com/CleveBaseball

Not steroids either. He always looks dazed.

RR — Unfortunately for we baseball fans, I think Giambi’s true talents are hidden underneath all that muck and can’t get out. Does he even have true talent anymore? Signs point to no. Thus the release from the A’s… we’ll see. I don’t wish him any ill will, just making a point that the game chews you up and tosses you away as quick as it puts you on a pedestal.
09indians — Dazed? I’d be dazed too if I went from paragon of slug to nothing in that short of a time.
–Jeff

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