The Shot (No One) Heard Around the World
The next time you begin to entertain the idea that steroids may not make a better baseball player, please remember the curious case of Jason Giambi:
Yeah. That is the same guy. Trust me.
And if you analyze his stats, you will notice a surge in the power department during the years Mr. Giambi was admittedly jivin’ on the juice. Sure, there was some inherent talent there; that’s the only way it works. Put me on some ‘roids and you will just end up with a big, nerdy ogre-man who still can’t hit a slider.
But Jason Giambi? Dear readers, the man has declined.
Despite a serviceable 2008 where a mysteriously magic mustache allowed him to overcome his initial ‘roid-wreck, the 2009 feel-good reunion with the Oakland A’s brought nothing but disappointment — so much so that Billy Beane couldn’t find any use for him at all.
“Uh. Yeah. Uh. If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was. Hold me down baby.”
–DMX, Let it Fly
Well, even with all his faults (that vomit inducing .193 batting average in particular) I suppose baseball must love Jason Giambi because the Colorado Rockies just signed him to a minor league deal.
I watched MLB related news and programming all night long and no one even mentioned this.
Because no one cares.
And if no one cares that the Rockies signed Jason Giambi, then absolutely no one will care that the Rockies also signed Russ Ortiz.
Sure, the Rockies may be in the thick of the playoff hunt, but neither one of these acquisitions will factor into any type of potential success. They are both large and looming disappointments — let-downs determined to strike out with the bases loaded, to give up a grand slam, to muff into oblivion.
If I were Giambi, if I were Ortiz, I’d rather spend my time signing some hot chick’s breasts. Duh. At least by doing that you don’t risk humiliating yourself over and over again. (Again, trust me)
Hate me ‘cuz I hate on the dynamically duddy duo of Giambi/Ortiz, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.