Ninemen’s Morris: Napoleon Lajoie is a French Ninny!

Upstart to Cobb Little More Than A Baltimore Chopper

Team Named After Hubristic Canuck

Passerby: “Lajoie’s Kin Helped the Limeys Torch the Library of Congress!”

- – -

Silas red quigley Dear Rumpus-Rouser:

LAJOIE! You seek a
moral standard bearer, and you choose LAJOIE!?

Across the gentle
waves of the republic, there are two creeds that rankle the populous more than
any other, two regimes that chafe the ankles of freedom like Monte- Cristo’s
manacles.  They are, of course, none
other than the French Empire (Marquis de Lafayette excepted!) and the
British Commonwealth (royalist buggery!).  The French Canadian Lajoie manages to
encompass both!

Lajoie, having
illegally jumped leagues in 1901, and then sold by Connie Mack to the Cleveland
Nine, proceeds to win a newsmans raffle and the club winds up nomened with his
prenom!  This crafty Francophile’s
arrogance is matched only by the girth of the president of the republic.  His league-jumping garnered this
double-crosser unable to cross the
Pennsylvania state lines, and veritably forfeiting the
‘Naps’ games to the A’s!

“But hark,” you say,
tremulously caterwauling, “is he not a batsman beyond compare?  Did he not compile a batters-average that
same year of .427?!  And much of that
against the finest orb-slingers of the day, besting even the mighty Three
Finger Mordecai Brown!”

Still your knocking
knees!  His average this year?  Scarcely kissing .325, and his Cleveland Naps
langour at the bottom of the standings, skulking about the sous-sol like the
ghost of Washington Irving.

I brush your charges
aside as a horsefly from a mule’s fetlock. Ty Cobb’s Tigers pistol-whipped
Connie Mack’s White Elephants in four games at the close of August, and now the
American League is chasing their tail.  
The pennant may not yet be stabled, but those boys firmly grip the
reins.

Ty-cobb September sees those
mighty
Michigan maulers sitting prettily atop the table,
with Cobb clubbing .380.  And seek you
long the long ball!?  Cobb leads the
league, walloping more “all-baggers’ than anyone else in the game.  He may hit ten of them!  What be that French Canadian’s count to
date?  Nil!

But the Naps have
produced one a great wonderment this year – the first unassisted triple play,
by Neal Ball, on July 19.  Never seen
before, Ball’s Triumph saw him gather in a liner, step on the second bag, and
apply a tag to the fleet-footed fool from first.  This feat of derring-do will most assuredly
never be replicated, even in a hundred years’ time.

On a sidenote, I wish to thank you, Mr. Thune, for the olive-branch
gifting of the crate of yellow bananellas. 
As you say, they are a delightful taste and texture, evoking an erotic
south seas sustenance.   Perhaps in this
move to purchase the Filipinos our ebullient executive has given an
uncharacteristic boon.


- – –

Written by
Silas ‘Red’ Quigley
Editorial correspondent for the Boston Wax-Intelligencer.  Editor/Publisher of various workers rights
publications, sporting weeklies, and Ladies Garment Journals.  As a youth he was attache to Henry Chadwick (claims to be the
uncredited co-creator of the box score).

For more on the nature of Ninemen’s Morris, please click *HERE*

14 Comments

“He may hit ten of them! ”
ROFLULULULMAO!
–Jonestein
http://jonestein.mlblogs.com

And don’t forget, Jonestein… the unassisted triple play “will most assuredly never be replicated, even in a hundred years’ time”… even though that’s poppycock.
–Jeff

What!!! the author of Rip Van Winkle has a ghost….and…. a Cubs twirler with 3 fingers… and.. a traitor to the Phillies…. and.. a Tigers team with fight…I guess you covered all the bases.. home run or was that a triple play…
~peter
Outside the Phillies Looking In
http://devilabrit.mlblogs.com

OMG.. what a fantastic post! You’ve outdone yourself on this one Jeff. How about that line “wallowing around the .325 mark”! chuckle.. I loved it.

Buz – http://buzblog.mlblogs.com/

Peter — Yes, yes, yes, yes and I’d call it a three-bagger.
Buz — Funny, yes. Still, I must give credit where credit’s due and that would be to Silas “Red” Quigley. He’s the man.
–Jeff

Hahahaha I love this. You guys are awesome. Gotta love the early history of baseball lolol.
Elizabeth
http://redsoxgirl46.mlblogs.com

Jeff:

Love the Nineman’s Morris.

Love it.

YOU GUYS ARE GREAT,

never cease to amaze me.

Keep up the good work, and the Nineman’s Morris.

cuz Napoleon Lajoie is a french ninny!!

Love the title.

Ted’s Take

http://tribewithted.mlblogs.com/

That was funny….loved the horsefly / mule analogy :O)

Jenn
http://PhilliesPhollowers.MLBlogs.com/

Elizabeth — Yep. Gotta remember the history to remember how good we got it today.
Ted — That he is!!!
Jenn — Interestingly enough, Al is both a horsefly AND a mule, thus the plug ;-)
–Jeff

Love this! And now I will spend the rest of the day shouting: “Hark!” Such wonderful writing and such a colorful use of words.

http://janeheller.mlblogs.com

Love it! Thank goodness we have records in baseball (unassisted triple play) that will NEVER be broken! ;-) Ah…the innocent and naive!

Julia
http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/

Jane — Hark! Glad you liked it… Silas is proud; you made him smile.
Julia — I know, right? And the “ten homeruns” in a season being a big deal… wow how times have changed.
–Jeff

OMG! This is great stuff! thanks guys! I love it!
Emma
http://crzblue.mlblogs.com/

Emma — Glad you dig it! We’ll make sure Alabaster and Silas keep comin’ back!
–Jeff

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