What in the Milton Bradley is Wrong with Milton Bradley?

milton_bradley_angry.jpgIn a word? 

Everything.

And so it goes that the world’s de facto millionaire man-child, Milton Bradley, sees his season end prematurely — stopped cold by the Chicago Cubs’ general manager Jim Hendry.  Or so we are led to think…

After the tumultuous inaugural season Bradley had with the eternally ill-fated Cubbies, isn’t it possible that Milton simply quit on his own and Hendry & Co. were left to cover up what would otherwise be the Major League scandal of the year?  At this point, I am willing to believe anything; which is why we put our loyal interns to the test — to uncover the hidden meaning in Hendry’s public statement, to discover what’s really going on, to report the Truth.

Dear readers, here are the results — the top ten reasons why Milton Bradley’s season came to an abrupt and early end:

10.  Wanted to give lifetime minor leaguer Bobby Scales a shot at breaking the .250 mark

9.  There is only room for ONE colossal fail per team and Alfonso Soriano has a pretty good beat on it

8.  Admitted to being an avid reader of the Chicago Sun-Times

7.  Suffering from an acute torn mental labrum

6.  Decided to dedicate more time to establishing universal health care

5.  With the NFL season under way, wanted to pass the “Chicago Public Relations Disaster” moniker on to a more accomplished, more deserving, more disappointing (and prettier?) candidate in Jay Cutler

4.  Made secret promise to self that if he succeeded in beating Jacque Jones as the most hated right fielder in the history of the Chicago Cubs he would pack up and go home, satisfied, with $10 million more in his wallet

3.  Worried his name might leak as Candidate Number 3 in Rod Blagojevich’s pay-to-play federal investigation

2.  Adamant about having the Ricketts Family rename his team: The Chicago Uncle Toms

And the number one reason why Milton Bradley’s season came to an abrupt and early end:

1.  He’s just… a whiny… little… bee-otch

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

20 Comments

Chuckle.. you’re too much bud. : ) He is tho… that’s the crux of it. Ease up on Jay.. he brought them a W

Buz – http://buzblog.mlblogs.com/

I hear the Cubs are interested in trading Bradley to the Mets for Oliver Perez. This move absolutely needs to happen, like yesterday. Milton in New York would provide endless fun, while Perez would give Cub fans something else to bitch about.
-Erin
http://plunking-gomez.blogspot.com

Buz — A “W” don’t mean squat in this town. They want a WS, and they aren’t any closer to getting it. In the meantime, let the Bradley-bashing continue (brings us a lot of hits, lol).
Erin — That is SCARY. Like, John Rocker scary. Bring it on!
–Jeff

Jeff – so true, so true. Milton Bradley should be in the dictionary under the word “crybaby.” All he does is run his mouth until he ruins the whole team. But here in Cleveland he didn’t ruin our team, he wasnt’ actually half bad. Hmmm.. how money can change an attitude….. New post momentarily.

Ted – http://tribewithted.mlblogs.com/

Do ya have to disrespect the bee-otches like that? I’ve been around many bee-otches and Mill-tone would not fit in with the junior league. ;)

http://stonebutch99.mlblogs.com/

Another entry full of truth. Bradley is ridiculous. Although saying “you understand why they haven’t won in 100 years here” was hilarious. And I must admit number nine on your list might be my favorite…aside from number one, of course.
Jen
http://ajroxmywhitesox.mlblogs.com

Ted — He might not’ve been bad, but his attitude has ALWAYS been bad.
Austin — Mill-tone: Rockin’ the Bee-otch way since 1999. Lovin’ it!
Jen — Thanks for the assist in getting me into the “FAIL” lingo. Glad Milton succeeds at SOMETHING! LOL.
–Jeff

yep…too funny… but as stupid as Bradley is how stupid are the Cubs to have signed the deal anyway…this is a guy who was traded with another player for a minor leaguer..okay so the minor leaguer was Ethier, got to have been the worst money spent of the year, baseballs version of TO.

~peter
Outside the Phillies Looking In
http://devilabrit.mlblogs.com

Peter — Valid point. I’d take Ethier over Bradley any day (now). I can’t blame the Cubs for signing him. He had a great year in 2008 and he has showed signs of good behavior. I knew the Wrigley faithful would be hard on him but who woulda expected this!? T.O. will come around. I have a feelin’…
–Jeff

Jeff,
When he came to the Dodgers I really, really thought he was going to change coming back home but no!!
Ethier is Colletti’s best work.
Emma
http://crzblue.mlblogs.com/

Emma — Agreed. Ethier is light years beyond Bradley… good deal there.
–Jeff

#1 gets my vote!

Julia
http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/

Julia — Yet another reason why you’re cool with us!
–Jeff

Lmao.. Mr. Lung, I pray to baby Jesus you keep blogging away till your dying days [and never neglect your readers, like I kindly did..] cuz when I say lmao.. I mean it. Hilarious stuff =)
- V [ http://flairforthedramatic.mlblogs.com ]

I love that you’ve compared Bradley to Cutler, the third biggest diva in the NFL (behind Fav-ruh and T.O, of course). As always, Jeffery, I must wonder, will you someday be wrong?
Emily
http://deconstructingthoughts.mlblogs.com/

V — I won’t. I’ll stick around. Nice to see you too! We miss your snappiness when you’re gone.
Emily — We knew what we were gettin’ here in Chicago with Cutler. We’re getting exactly what we expected. Will I be wrong? That wouldn’t be right now would it?
–Jeff

I like the “torn mental labrum.” Can he go to Dr. James Andrews and have that fixed?

- http://janeheller.mlblogs.com

Jane — That would require admitting he has a problem. In other words, impossible scenario.
–Jeff

Milton Bradley is the poster child for what you don’t want your born again christian baseball playing son to be like.

Cob
http://cobf.mlblogs.com

Cob — I’m with ya man. 100%. Christian or not, his play isn’t ideal for anyone who respects the game (or others).
–Jeff

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