Major League Tool

nick swisher is a tool.jpg
Forget everything you already know about Nick Swisher. 

Nevermind his explosively jovial presence in the Yankee clubhouse.  Pay no attention to those 27 homeruns.  Disregard his selfless donations to community charity and his insatiable propensity for all-world positivism. 

This dude is a friggin’ tool.

Whether you focus on the plastic hook-tag still fastened to the top of his cap, the pantyhose wrapped around his right wrist, the forced bleary eyed smirk of a man you’d never let date your sister or the weak flash of a devil horn gang sign while mugging the camera, this Nick Swisher looks more like every frat guy you’ve ever hated.

Move over Tucker Max because apparently they do serve Swisher in hell.

Hate me ‘cuz I hate on the playuh, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

(*Image courtesy of Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)

24 Comments

Yeah, when the Yanks were in Arlington earlier this year, I noticed what a d!ckhead he was when playing right field…not once did he toss a ball up to some bratty fking kid in the stands…what an jerk!
–Jonestein
http://jonestein.mlblogs.com

Nick Swisher IS Party Boy!!!!
http://www.paullebowitz.com/

You do realize that by painting Nick Swisher as a callous, hard-partying, womanizing d-bag that you’ve made him even more attractive to female fans? That picture reeks of Natty Light and Axe body spray, and yet somehow I find him strangely appealing.
-Erin
http://plunking-gomez.blogspot.com

I can’t believe this guy passes drug tests.

http://stonebutch99.mlblogs.com

Jonestein — And you know Swish WAS that kid when he was little, with crusted cotton candy stains on his lovable cheeks.
Prince — YES HE IS!!! WHOO HOO a la Jack^ss!
Erin — Yep. That’s pretty much how life works. I’m working on my beating up bookworm skillz.
Austin — Who says he does?
–Jeff

You are SO jealous that he stank it up as a White Sock but has done a great job as a Yankee. Oh, well. At least you got Wilson Betemit.

http://janeheller.mlblogs.com

That’s a relief…I thought I was the only one who thought, “FRAT BOY-O-RAMA!” Him and his pal Joe Blanton both.
http://imbringingdiamondback.mlblogs.com

Jeff – First, Swisher is a piece of work. To put it mildly.
Second – gotta say “Congrats to the Cards!” That was a pretty sweet game. Bring on the playoffs!
Ginny
http://watercooler.mlblogs.com

ha love the title: Major league tool. Great job Cards!! Ha frat boy once = always a frat boy. Layin down the lines Jeff, new post up – Indians style

Ted
http://tribewithted.mlblogs.com/

Jane — Nah. I don’t mind that Swish is doin’ well. Really, I don’t. I just think he’s a tool off the field, that’s all. And oh yeah, I love me some Wilson Betemit… no one gets DFA’d like Wilson.
IBDB — Nope, you’re in good company with RSBS!
Ginny — Thanks! It was sweet and we’re all geared up in Cardinal Nation. We hope to put a hurtin’ on those beasts from the AL East that knocked y’all out.
Ted — Just remember that, Ted, when given the opportunity to become a frat boy. You will be destined for tooldom if you do.
–Jeff

You couldn’t be more right…TOOL…very fitting since his fav show is Tim the Tool Man Taylor…
~peter
Outside the Phillies Looking In
http://devilabrit.mlblogs.com

Peter — How’d you get this inside information? Who do you work for? Are you on special assignment from the British Government? LOL.
–Jeff

So Jeff what does that give him.. 2 tools? He’s a 2 tool playa? Power and well… bein’ a tool : )

Buz – http://buzblog.mlblogs.com/

Buz — He’s not even close to being a 5-tooler, so for now, 2-tool player it is! Good call!
–Jeff

I’ll have to disagree with Erin – the picture & description do not make him “attractive” to this woman.

Julia
http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/

Julia — Thou art a breath of fresh air.
–Jeff

Wow, comparing him to Tucker Max? That’s pretty harsh… for Tucker Max at least.
Emily
http://deconstructingthoughts.mlblogs.com/

Yeah, I completely agree! He looks like a winner;P
http://clevelandbaseball.mlblogs.com

Emily — I’m sure everyone feels real sorry for Tucker too :-P He’s the King of the Tools.
09indians — Touche.
–Jeff

Tsk tsk tsk, Jeff. Don’t hate the playa, hate the game. ;)

– Lisa
http://perennialpinstriper.mlblogs.com/

I know, I know, Lisa… not generally my style but in this case… I had to hate on it. It won’t happen again (for a few minutes).
–Jeff

Jeffy, this is the first time I WILL hate you.. but only because you’ve become the hatuuuh, lol.. Swish is the man!.. =P
– V [http://flairforthedramatic.mlblogs.com]

I figured you’d say something like that, V, if you saw it. LOL. It’s cool though. It had to be done.
–Jeff

Jeff is a ****** loser!

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