Sharing with Shapiro

cleveland indians logo.jpgNevermind all that pre-NLCS/ALCS buzz dancing around the internets and such as, the Iraq!  Soon we will all have more than our wanted fill of Joe Buck self-righteous proclamations and ear-numbing Chip Carary-isms.  For now, let us focus on the larger, more looming and lurid task of finding the Cleveland Indians a new manager.  Shall we?

Yep.  John Farrell is no longer in the mix.  They can’t afford Bobby Valentine.  And unfortunately, dear readers, Lou Brown has gone back to selling tires… forever.

That’s why I, along with the fastidious help of our always reliable RSBS interns, have prepared a list of potential managerial candidates for Indians GM Mark Shapiro, whom we all know is too busy lamenting the contract of one Travis “I Ain’t Got It No More” Hafner and the cruel reality of a midge-less postseason.

Mark, here is the shortlist of suggested targets:

Bill Parcells
Sure, the Big Tuna ain’t no baseball guy; we know that.  But he was born to win (and eat… a lot).  Besides, just think of what hiring this former Cowboy coach could do for the long neglected and oft polarized relationship between Cowboys and Indians.  Mark, it is time to heal these wounds.

Chief Illiniwek
Since being shunned and axed by his University of Illinois home (where he was a staple presence for 81 years), the Great Chief doesn’t really have much to do but stay in and get drunk all day.  Hey, you can get drunk at the ballpark too, Chief!  Plus, having such a standard bearer of Native American tradition might help the Indians solve that whole racist image thing they’ve had goin’ on for… y’know… ever.

Nap LaJoie
Oh, wait.  He’s dead.  Never mind.

Earl Averill
He’s dead too?  Sorry.

Lou Boudreau

Whoops.  My bad.  Okay.  No more dead guys of French descent.


Well, then that leaves me with just one more super managerial candidate for Mr. Shapiro and that person is:

sarah_palin.jpgSarah Palin
Look, if you’re gonna build a bridge to nowhere, ya might as well build it on the Cuyahoga River.

Hate me ‘cuz I’m on point, all the time, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.




Hmm…Sarah Palin, Manager. That would make her a polymorphic M!LF in my book.

Your right Jeff, Bill Parcells is mean to win. You totally shoulda added Albert Belle to the list. Oh.. Albert. Such a douc… idiot. : ) Sarah Palin has the desire for the Cuyohoga Jeff, she is a shoe in candidate.


Chief Powhatan or Pocahontas… actually, Pocahontas might do a fabulous job at managing the Indians. She and Sarah Palin can battle it out.

Jonestein — Ain’t nothin’ wrong with THAT, playuh!
Ted — Albert Belle. Ha. That’d be a neverending gag reel for sure.
Elizabeth — Sarah Palin IS Pocahontas. You didn’t know? Hehe.

Oh.. gotta love the Cowboys and Indians part. Classic and very clever. You’re the man.

Buz –

Why not get Shaq?
He will be in the neighborhood at the Arena right next door to Progressive Field for a while, and maybe could use some eatra change why the family finds a place in the foothills with a lakeside view.
And since Albert Belle is not into wanting to be an Indians manager, why not look into maybe briniging back Mike Hargrove who has whispered to a few people he might want to manage again.
Hargrove brings a winning tradition with him, and a bit of hardnosed toughness that might be needed for a few years until the prospect get some dirt on their uniforms.
Just a thought, but he is the closest I could come up to a “Lou Brown” clone who might want to take on the duties of this young team.
You can always get Iron Chef Michael Symon to leave one of his three restaurants in town, at least you will know the team will eat well before and after the game.

Rays Renegade

Took me long enough to come back Jeff. : ) R/R haha!! You always make me laugh Cliff. Shaq would be the perfect coach. He would be able to really whip the players into shape and could teach some of the players how to shoot foul shots… wait… nevermind about that.

New post up.

Albert Belle Flameathon Part II. You will like it my friend. : )


Buz — Thanks. That’s how this whole piece began. “How to make a Cowboys/Indians reference…” haha.
RR — Judging by Travis Hafner’s build, the team already eats pretty well. Haha. Good points though. I’d take Shaq. He’ll sell tickets!
Ted — Sweet. Roast that Belle, Ted. I liked the last one fo sho.

I like Renegade’s idea of Mike Hargrove. He’s not as amusing as Sarah Palin, but he might actually win a few ball games.

Jane — You or I could probably win a few ballgames at the helm of the Indians. I think they’re goin’ for somethin’ more than just a stand-in… and let’s face it, that’s all Hargrove would ever be in my humble (and correct) opinion.

You left out Shapiro’s brother-in-law——Eric Mangini. He couldn’t do much worse with the Indians than he is with the Browns. Much like with Trey Hillman, I had a crushing bro-mance with Mangini. It’s gone down the tubes as well.

Palin can’t manage her way out of a paper bag…so ok, I guess that works. :O)


Prince — Poor Trey and poor Mangini. They know not what they’ve lost now that the bro-mance is gone. Mangini I get. Hillman? Not so much.
Jenn — True… which is why I wonder why she is (or ever was) relevant. What did/do people see in this woman?

Those are all great candidates, but this is obviously a job for the most beloved Indian in all of Cleveland history: Jose Mesa.

Erin, I think you mean Joe Table. Tee hee.

Most excellent ideas Jeff. And Joe Table? Nice.

William — Joe Table is the man. Nice to see ya back!

Any blog that references ‘Major League’ is good.

Michael — We try🙂

You tryin’ to get a rise outta me, 09indians? It’s working. The day Albert leaves the Lou is the day there is no hope left for baseball. In other words, it ain’t happenin’.

Bobby V is one of the Finalist. Can the Indians afford him, who knows? Go Tribe!

What happens when Albert leaves for Boston, NY or LA in another year or two? Looks like Matt Halladay want’s to go to NY. Tony’s contract is up this season… Who is the Cards manager?

Are you trying to get a rise out of me, 09indians? If so, then yeah, it’s working. Believe me: Albert ain’t goin’ anywhere. You heard it here first.

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