Things Scott Boras Says from Behind the Plate

scott boras behind home plate.jpgYep.  We’re sick of seeing his smug mug behind the plate on every pitch too.  So in an effort to oust his recurring playoff cameo, we sent our RSBS interns into Angel Stadium with a mega-fortified parabolic microphone to pick up all the juicy sound bytes Mr. Boras let slip during the game.

Here’s what we heard:

“Jesus, look at A-Rod.  How’d I let that guy fire me again?  That oughtta be my ****ing walking wallet!  Mine!  My lord, those labrums!  Look at those labrums!  Best labrums in all of sports!”

- – -

“Forget Teixera… Matt Holliday is worth Babe Ruth like money.  How much money did Babe Ruth make again?  What?!?  $80,000 a year was his best?  F*** that, Matt Holliday is so worth Mark Teixera like money.”

- – -

“Why aren’t there gold flakes on this f***ing hot dog?  Huh?  Who the hell brought me this hot dog without gold f***ing flakes!?!”

- – -

“Jesus Christ, I can’t understand a thing Manny says.  How do you say ‘take a goddamn shower for crying out loud’ in Spanish!?  Anyone?  Anyone?”

- – -

“Holy s***, Alex Rodriguez… maybe I can get teams to think Ivan Rodriguez is actually Alex Rodriguez.  Quick trip to the Dominican Republic, grab some stuff from A-Rod’s cousin… shoot up Pudge and BAM!  He’s lookin’ like Alex did in that hot Details shoot.  Did I just say that?  F*** you.  Don’t look at me.  Watch the game.

- – -

“Ha ha.  I just remembered that Adrian Beltre deal.”

- – -

“Why does everyone hate me?  Because I’m rich?  Because I’m powerful?  Because I look like a young Rush Limbaugh?  Ha!  My bowel movements are worth more than these worthless fans’ entire lives put together and run through a gilding press that I bought with my money.  Where the hell is my goddamned organic vodka gimlet!?!  Jesus!”

- – -

“Someone remind me to tell Kyle Lohse he has really f***ing made me look bad.”

- – -

“$tra$burg… $tra$burg… $tra$burg…”

- – -

“Jesus, if I were gay, I’d totally do Alex… ha ha, but, y’know, I’d of course make a big deal of it to the press first before opting out at the last second… then, when things calmed down a bit… I’d fire that b****.”

- – -

Now you know, folks.  You aren’t surprised, are you? 

Hate me ‘cuz I bring it, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

9 Comments

You missed what he said about Johnny Damon – “If stem-cell research were around, you’d want to tap into that gene pool”. Yeah – he actually said that:

http://www.nesn.com/2009/10/scott-boras-touts-johnny-damons-indestructability-as-free-agency-approaches.html

Julia
http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/

Prince — I think that’s a compliment. Though having read Matt’s work, I don’t quite follow the similarity or possibility thereof.
Julia — He was a tool before too? So not surprised by that little nugget of fact.
–Jeff

It just seems like something he’d write; possibly more snarky though.
http://www.paullebowitz.com/
http://www.princeofny.blogspot.com/

Prince — Snarky it is. I live for snarky. And hot chicks.
–Jeff

He does look a little like Rush. Never noticed that before!

- http://janeheller.mlblogs.com

A little like Rush going through a bowel movement! ha! Well put together Jeff.

buz – http://buzblog.mlblogs.com/

Jane — Yeah… young Rush, more hair (though not by that much).
Buz — Yikes! Not a visual I wanted to imagine. Now what do I do?!?! Haha.
–Jeff

Very funny stuff! $tra$burg indeed….. *sigh*
Shelley http://diamonddiva.mlblogs.com/

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