Ozzie Ees Gonna Be an Analeees on TV
That’s right, dear readers. White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen is joining the Fox Baseball Pre & Post Game Shows as an insider analyst during the World Series.
I can’t see how this could possibly go wrong.
Unless, y’know, Ozzie tells Chris Rose that “Hees a garbage and hees children ees a garbage” or if he mentions to Mark Grace that “Hees a f^ggot” or reminds Eric Karros that “hees head ees as beeg as those peeg rats at Wreegley Feel.”
No matter how many times they have to hit the bleep button while Ozzie is on the air, I imagine his self-sacrificial lampooning for a Fox ratings spike will be less likely to fail as Glenn Beck would acting as a PETA spokesman:
Note to Mr. Beck: Don’t be killin’ no frogs on live television yo!
Hate me ‘cuz I transleeterate Ozzie’s lingo, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
***IMPORTANT PROGRAMING NOTE***
Suggested to us by the always hilarious Jonestein at BABL, Mr. Krause and I will be competing in a World Series Metaphor Competition — a Metaphor-Off… yeah, let’s call it that.
Why? ‘Cuz we can. And we will.
But we need your help! As you know, Al and I champion ourselves as masters of the meandering metaphor; and we need your suggestions. What do you want to see metaphorized? (Yes, that’s a word. I made it up.) It could be something as simple as an individual player, a team, a rule, a concept, whatever. We want your ideas. Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org, Twitter us at @RSBS or kindly comment on a post with your suggestion. After selecting a trio of your topics, Mr. Krause and I will then post our metaphors during the World Series and YOU the reader will vote for the winner in this best of three competition.
Don’t just sit there…. suggest, suggest, suggest!