The 2009 RSBS World Series of Metaphors (Game 1)

In this epic best of three game battle of metaphors — mixed, extended, absolute and beyond — Jeff and Allen pair wits and leave it to YOU, the dear reader, to decide the champion (based on the quality of the metaphor, not the person because Jeff would destroy Al in a popularity contest).

The loser will be forced to shower the winner with a carefully constructed essay of praise. 

For real.

And now…


The Topic:        “The Sluggers” (Alex Rodriguez and Ryan Howard)
Suggested by:  Buz from Yesterday’s Hitter

Metaphor 1:

Ryan Howard is Hungry.jpgAlex Rodriguez is the prettiest girl at the dance — the one who all the guys lust over only to find out she doesn’t even put out.  Across the empty dance floor, you’ll find Ryan Howard: the hot mess of a big girl who will ride you all night long and be real, real sloppy about it. 

… but you’ll be way too embarrassed to tell your friends.

Metaphor 2:

apocalypse_vasnetsov.jpgFrom postseason goat to playoff stallion, A-Rod’s current heroics pale only in comparison to those of Ryan Howard, the rider on the red horse. To him is given the power to take away peace and smite with the sword, a fact to which the Dodger’s pitching staff can surely attest. But the slight pallor of Mr. Rodriguez’s accomplishments only accentuates his equally ashen steed and the Evil Empire, Hades, as the good book calls it, that he brings in tow.

Please vote!  Tell your friends!  Kiss a baby!

The best metaphor is…
Hot Girl/Big Girl
Horsemen of the Apocalypse



That is so true about Ryanna Howard…you want to make sure she leaves your house at night. Yikes.

Oh my goodness, hilarious!

Effing awesome!

Austin — Ryanna… nice. Better than Rihanna even! Less bruising too!
Saundra — Thanks… and keep comin’ back!
Jonestein — Your creation… gotta be somethin’ in it for you. How ’bout a hug from Al sometime? (I hear he’s a good hugger).

hahahahahahaha…………….my god too frickin funny… I’m gonna be picturing ‘Metaph 1’ tonight during the game….(must calm down) cant stop laughing….

Jeff – As much as I would love to take credit for the Metaphor suggestion, as my continued laughter starts to subside, I couldn’t remember when I suggested this, my age could indicate that your memory is better than mine, but having checked and in the the true spirit of things the claim to fame should be given to Buz, as his comment indicates from your last Filibuster:
I love that you can live without your saint, just not your religion. I’m right there with ya. How about a metaphor on the “Powers” A-rod and Howard?
Buz –

Game 2 Metaphor, I would suggest a look at the managers…
Outside the Phillies Looking In

Peter — WHOOPS! You’re right. Must’ve mixed them up when putting them together. My bad… and my bad, Buz. We got it fixed now!

well what can you say about that except 6 fricking 1…wooohoo
sorry had to celebrate somewhere…. :-)
Outside the Phillies Looking In

Fine by me, man. Solid performance from Lee. Outstanding really.

Pedro Martinez called Howard “Big Sexy” in SI this week :O) But this takes the cake…LOL


Haha. Big Sexy, eh? I’ll take Pedro’s word for it ;-)

You’re killin me dude. That was f’n funny!! And Muy Grazi for the credit. But.. hey, you wrote it.. I laughed.. and hopefully voted on the funniest of the two. Big Sexy!! sic

Oh, and he was just as potent as Arod was not last night!
Buz –

When it rains, does Ryanna need a umbrel..lla..lla..lla.
(Sorry, it was better than a Chris Brown joke).
But even the thought of A Rod being the prettiest girl at the dance is like a drag queen taking the her ensemble off during the contest……………mirrors, make-up and a little Hollywood glamour, but East Coast style.

Rays Renegade

Buz — Thanks for the suggestion! More on the way!
RR — Apparently, an umbrella ain’t nothin’ to her sweet bat! Didn’t seem to get her down last night, though Utley was the big story… and another fella named “Cliff”, of course ;-)

Well, it looks like I’m clearly in the minority, but I liked the second metaphor a lot better. If only because the first one made me throw up in my mouth a little. OK, a lot.

Erin — A little puke in one’s mouth is good for the soul… I mean, palette… ‘cuz it cleans it up a bit.

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