Is It Christmas Yet?

jeff with his catalogue.jpgPreparations for the holiday season begin (for me) in June, when my epic 180 consecutive days of beer consumption starts to strengthen my tolerance for… eh… other people.  Crowds.  Yule tide blah blah blah.

But it never really feels like the holidays until my annual MLB.com catalogue arrives in the mail.  Just look at how happy it makes me!

Of course, there are a few things that seem a bit odd, a bit off, inside its pristine pages, so before I place it next to the toilet for future browsing, I would like to point out some of the highlights.

One of this year’s most interesting offerings is this official team patch by the Baltimore Orioles (p. 24):

baltimore orioles patch.jpgWait, did I say Baltimore Orioles?  I think I meant Baltimore Ravens.  But it says “Orioles”.  I don’t know.  Forget it.  I ain’t buyin’ it anyway.

Next, we focus on one of those must-have holiday treats!  Indeed, this thing will come in handy to shoo away all those annoying neighbor kids who keep lighting dog doo-doo on fire and ringing your doorbell.  Beware, the official MLB licensed “Forest Face” (p. 21):

tigers forest face.jpgYeah, that thing is pretty scary.  Naturally, the same effect can be achieved by simply hanging a Detroit Tigers cap in your bushes.  But whatevs…

Dear readers, not every publication is perfect.  Typos, misnomers, glitches… these things are pretty common when producing such a large body of work.  Like this picture, which is just all wrong (p. 5):

happy cub fan.jpgWhen was the last time you saw a Cubs fan with such a big smile on his face?

Exactly.

And just in case baby Jesus, Mom, Dad, Barack, Santa and the Easter Bunny are reading this, let me point out my own personal holy grail of a gift idea (p. 22):

World Series DVD.jpgBoom.

I’m sure we can find a stocking big enough for this to fit.  Or just give me a couple hundred bucks and I’ll buy the damn thing myself!

So that should be enough to get you in the holiday spirit, y’all!  Don’t hate me for that!  And don’t hate me ‘cuz I bear the curse of always being right.

Peace,

Jeff

13 Comments

Jeff,
As usual, you have our Christmas/Kwanza holiday needs right at your fingers tips.
I am still trying to find one of those old pinball machines from the late 70′s that had the baseball theme to it.
Sure I could pony up $ 199 smackers and get the Wii version that would make me healthy and improve my eyesight for a nasty change-up, but when was the last time a 50-year old played in the MLB.
Still looking forward to the noon new reports on Friday to see if we have another stampede somewhere in the country. You know Wal-Mart learned from their debacle, they have already sent out online purchase emails.
That is why on Friday I will be hunkered down at home away from the toils of parking lots, trolling police cars looking for wayward drivers, and just enjoying a day long VH-1 marathon.

Rays Renegade

http://raysrenegade.mlblogs.com

I pretty much made the same face when I got my MLB.com catalogue. And that Forest Face? That’s pretty much what nightmares are made of.
Jen
http://ajroxmywhitesox.mlblogs.com

Please tell me that Forest Face is fake…
and I thought I’d seen it all when Chad Ocho Cinco stormed WalMart on Black Friday so he could get Rock Band.

So the Orioles decided to follow the Ravens’ lead this year and simply use the Maryland state flag for its logo? Hmmm…pretty ordinary. State pride, I suppose…

RR – I will be at home too but I probably won’t be watching vh1 LOL.
Jen, the old English D scares a lot of folks too, especially their fans ; -)
xcicix – oh it’s real alright. Everything mentioned here came out of the catalogue. Amazing, eh?
Greg – if nothing else you just cracked he code. I’ve been trying to figure out why they both use those goofy checkers myself. Finally! I can sleep tonight!
–Jeff

Monday, as I did the daily scan and toss routine with the snail mail, I almost trashed The Catalog because all I saw was a blurred “Holiday 2009″ (blech). It ended up in the Mrs. J pile o’ mail because I assumed It was one of her “Bed, Bath, and Beyond Reasonable Markup” catalogs.

Thankfully, she returned It to the Mancave, pointing out the iconic Killebrew silhouette I’d overlooked earlier. To repent, I immediately removed my belt and lashed my back till I bled for the blasphemous act of discarding The Catalog. May the Baseball Gods have mercy on me.

Oh, and I think the Cubs are just Asian Guy’s floozy on the side, cuz I saw him wearing Yankees gear elsewhere in The Catalog.

–Jonestein
http://jonestein.mlblogs.com

DAMN ASIAN GUY’S FLOOZY, JONESTEIN!!! DAMN HIM TO HELL!
–Jeff

What do those “Orioles” symbols even mean? Looks like some Sith symbols or something.
http://www.paullebowitz.com/
http://princeofny.blogspot.com/

I’m with Paul. What IS that Baltimore “insignia?” I thought I was looking at something out of a Pakistani warlord’s cave.

- http://janeheller.mlblogs.com

Prince — I wish I knew. Commentor Greg says both the Orioles and the Raven’s official emblems feature designs from the Maryland state flag. Maryland must force its sports teams to do this? I dunno.
Jane — That would explain why they’re not any good :-)
–Jeff

Jeff, they are the family crests of the two “founding families” ( Crossland and Calvert). Calvert’s title was “Lord Baltimore” (ergo, the city name). I grew up outside DC (on the VA side) where we find these things out. And where “national news is local news”. But that still doesn’t explain where the “Oriole” logo went. Like I said, pretty ordinary if you ask me.
Anyhoo…have a good holiday!

Come to think of it, Jeff and Allen, maybe the logo change is a Beam Me Up Scotty Born-A$s ploy (“Scotty made me do it…”). Who knows? :) Take care.

Greg, thanks for the background info! That’s pretty interesting to note, especially since the Orioles have latched on to what the Raven (presumably) started. I learned something new today! Thanks man!
–Jeff

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