An Existential Crisis….and You can Help!
Sometimes, rightfully or wrongfully, things go to our heads. Now, we’ve had a great couple of years here at RSBS, even if the results of this past year weren’t quite what we’re accustomed to. It appears, though, that half of the RSBS team, the half that doesn’t look like Joe Maddon, has taken this as a mandate to run rough-shod over all that we hold dear.
Great thinkers have always had their weaknesses which sometimes led to misguided attempts at misguided pursuits. And my dear friend, Mr. Lung, is no exception. It has been awhile since he has known the pleasure of a woman’s company and I can’t say that I fault him for this current acting out. It’s normal and at RSBS we don’t judge.
However, we must have our standards. Dating someone who is not a baseball fan is one thing. They can be taught. But becoming enraptured by a girl who openly supports the team you claim to detest? Have you no shame, sir?
Yes, I have dated Yankees fans before and I am not proud of that. But I have resolved never to do it again. Better a life of celibacy than the self-loathing that goes with dating the evil empire.
But I think Jeff will need a little more help. This has gone beyond the point where mere shame will keep him from slipping down that long, dark, Cubbie-blue tunnel from which I fear he will never escape.
No, desperate times call for desperate measures and that’s why I am putting out the call now for all of our readers to help out. Help us find the girl who can save Jeff from himself and this gradual descent into purgatory. It would be nice if she lived in the Chicago area and she doesn’t have to be a Cardinals fan. I think we’d be all right just as long as she doesn’t support the Cubs. Although you could get a few extra points from me if she was a Tigers fan. You know, for the irony.
You have your mission. Now let’s get out there and find this woman! She must exist somewhere.
-Photo via Skull Swap