These Aren’t the Tigers You’re Looking For

fake tigers.jpgThe Detroit Tigers may have signed Johnny Damon, but I am here to remind all Ye Olde English “D” apologists: on this team you will find no Denny McLain.

On this team, there is no Al Kaline.  There is no Kirk Gibson.  No Jack Morris, no Trammell, no Whitaker.

Heck, this ain’t even the ultimately disappointing club that was supposed to win the 2006 World Series.  No, sir.  That squad is now but a bitter memory… and after a series of motor city slips and gaffes including but not limited to Jurrens for Renteria, the brutal rape of their farm system by the merciless Florida Marlins, and a handful of awful contracts best represented by Nate Robertson and Dontrelle Willis, the 2010 Detroit Tigers seem to be more of the weak, purring variety than anything else.

And now that fan favorite Curtis Granderson has been kicked out of the cage, finding fault with this Dave Dombrowski mess is a lot easier than it used to be.

You have Jim Leyland?  Yes, and you also have Jim Leyland cut off from nicotine.

You have athlete extraordinaire, Brandon Inge?  Yes, and you also have his strikeouts.

You have Johnny Damon?  Yes, but you overpaid… and did he come with his wheelchair?

I dunno.  It’s not like I hate the Tigers or anything.  I mean, I have nothing personal against Detroit save hearing about them ad nauseum via my cantankerous and oft negligent colleague Mr. Allen Krause; but that doesn’t affect my judgment.  I simply report the facts, interpreted in my own special way.

And that special way offers this declaration: the Tigers are in for a world of hurt in 2010.

But shhhh.  Don’t tell Al.  Or Johnny Damon. Or Detroiters, all three or four of them.

And whatever you do, please don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

PS. If you think I offer something like this just to p!ss off RSBS‘ other half, then you are absolutely correct… and almost as diabolically undercutting as I.

*fist bump*

14 comments

  2. redstatebluestate

    Holly, I think Austin Jackson will be in center… they’d be crazy to put Damon there… but this is the Tigers we’re talkin’ about.
    –Jeff

    Reply
  3. rrrt

    I guess it’s a good thing Comerica’s outfield isn’t as spacious as it used to be – Damon would need a bionic arm to prepare for the season! “Oft negligent colleague” 😉 Yes, it has seemed to me that you, Jeff, have been doing most of the writing of late.
    Sue
    Rants, Raves, and Random Thoughts

    Reply
  4. redstatebluestate

    Actually, Sue, to be fair, that’s not true. Al and I take turns writing every other day; it’s just that he rarely comments on anyone else’s blog… he leaves me to do the foundation work, thus rendering him negligent, among other things.
    –Jeff

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  5. xcicix

    Johnny Damon has always been overrated. He may play smart, but he can’t play the outfield. I remember going to a Yankee game in 2006 or so where he missed about 5 or so routine fly balls.
    But Scott Boras is his agent, and that, I suppose, makes all the difference.

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  7. redstatebluestate

    Cici — I don’t know if he’s THAT bad, but he’s certainly no spring chicken 😉
    Emma — Ya think so? I dunno. Al likes the verbal beating he gets from me on the regular. Haha. To answer your question, they haven’t done too well.
    –Jeff

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  8. Michael David

    Ouch-good points, though and all valid. I’d love to have a bunch of the prospects back that they squandered over the last few years with bad trades. Jurrjens, Maybin, and French really stand out there. I don’t see Damon as a savior, but I also don’t think having him batting in front of Ordonez instead of a rookie is all that bad either.
    The good news though, is that the Tigers are in the AL Central, and the biggest thorn in our side (Twins) no longer have the home-dome advantage. The Division will go to the team who can stay healthy and consistant.
    Mike
    http://burrilltalksbaseball.mlblogs.com

    Reply
  10. redstatebluestate

    Mike — Don’t forget the White Sox. I’m tellin ya, that pitching staff is strong enough to keep them right at the top too.
    Cat — I laughed when I saw it. It’s a good one.
    Jenn — Good point. I think he’s gonna be the DH. Still, I think they overpaid for him.
    –Jeff

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  14. redstatebluestate

    Jane — I’m not writing him off, I just don’t think his services serve the team the best. That’s all. But it’s done now. Oh well.
    Indians — Perhaps, but he’s paid to hit and run the bases.
    –Jeff

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