A Filibustering Re-Do
Of course you do.
Because Karrie from Chicago asked us: “So who would win in a fight between you two?” and Mr. Krause’s silly reply was nothing more than a futile exercise of imagination consternation.
“…a fight between me and Jeff ends with two big hits: me hitting him and
him hitting the floor. Boom, ship it!”
Certainly, I could stand my ground and explain to you that I am smarter, stronger and more charming than Mr. Krause, and that all those attributes would be more than enough to outduel him anywhere, anytime. However, I realize there is no way of proving that save kicking his real @s$. Mr. Krause — silly as he is at times — is still my friend, someone I would feel bad about murdering, so let us turn to some more concrete evidence:
Mr. Krause’s Strat-O-Matic card:
2 – Cries
3 – Yells “Mommy!”
4 – Runs away while the theme song to “My Little Pony” plays
5 – Hits self in face, bleeds, spits, passes out
6 – Puts on a dress and calls himself Ellen
7 – Cries, runs away while the theme song to “My Little Pony” plays AND yells “Mommy!”
8 – Dies… but not really
9 – Begs for forgiveness
10 – Sh!ts himself
11 – Puts on lipstick, high heels and sings “Memory” in a pristine falsetto
12 – Takes off his dress, gets on his knees and pleads for mercy…THEN Cries, runs away while the theme song to “My Little Pony” plays AND
Of course, Column 2 and Column 3 of his Strat-O-Matic card are quite similar, so I will refrain from posting the redundancy that is his inability to equal me in a match of pure brawn.
Just like his 2006 Detroit Tigers, Mr. Krause can’t handle my Wainwright-esque curveballs.
Hate me, Al! Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right!