The Filibuster

I’m a huge baseball fan and I love your blog but sometimes I worry about
all the blasphemy.  Any chance you guys could tone that down a little? 
More baseball, less blasphemy.

Jonathan
Wheaton, IL
____________________________________

pissed-jesus.jpgBlasphemy?

What blasphemy?

We don’t know no stinking blasphemy!

The following are all FACTS that our loyal interns have researched thoroughly.  If you do not regard them as FACTS then that is your problem and not ours because they’ve been teaching this stuff for a couple thousand years and I don’t know about you, but anything that has been taught for a couple thousand years MUST be FACT…

Jesus Only Likes Certain Baseball Players
You will know which players he likes by the individual player’s performance.  Jesus will help guys get homeruns but for those whom he detests (Mark Reynolds comes to mind) he will cause problems by making him strikeout with runners in scoring position.  If this is too confusing, then think of it this way: Jesus loves Josh Hamilton, hates Aramis Ramirez.  Loves Albert Pujols, hates Raul Ibanez.  Loves Stephen Strasburg, hates Kenshin Kawakami.

jesus and the 2004 red sox.jpgJesus May Be Johnny Damon
The bloodwork still needs to be finalized — the midichlorians counted over again — but we’re pretty sure that Johnny Damon still holds the key as the physically reformed Jesus on earth.  He helped the Red Sox win the 2004 World Series; if that isn’t proof that Jesus is really the son of god and stuff then I don’t know what else to say to convince you.  If you don’t believe, then you probably don’t believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny either… both unforgivable offenses.

The Face on this Baseball Belongs to Jesus
Don’t believe me?  Well, then prove that it’s NOT Jesus’ face!  Yeah, hahahaha, sucker!!! I knew you couldn’t do it.  Now what?  That’s Jesus’ face, dude.  For serious…

jesus face baseball.jpgJesus Loves to Surprise His Devotees
One day after softball practice, I walk to my car, open up the backseat and BAM!  Jesus bats!

jesus bats.jpgNow if Jesus wasn’t real, if god didn’t want to show me miracles in my life, then how in the hell would these Jesus bats end up in my car all of the sudden?  Huh?!?  Well???  Exactly.  Jesus put them there… ‘cuz Jesus loves me… and

Jesus Hates the Cubs

Some things just never get old…

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

***SEND US YOUR FILIBUSTERS****

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*Suggestions on how to draw the prophet Muhammad without getting murdered also welcome.

12 Comments

Jonathan, C’mon. Really? Did you really expect anything else?
“Jesus Hates the Cubs” ya’ll!! Why do people insist on knocking on other people’s doors and asking them to change their home decor because they don’t like it? Stop yourselves people!
mike
http://thebrooklyntrolleyblogger.mlblogs.com/

Come Vote HOVVG

There is no question that Damon was Jesus. But after the move to NY, not so sure.
-Sun-Ui

Jonathan yooos very looky dude…. because lets face it a blog like this you could have just be told to “Go Forth and Multiply” but in an abbreviated way… and at each and every opportunity the video gets it’s rightful promotion…

-peter
http://devilabrit.mlblogs.com

Jesus just rained on Ted Lily’s no hitter…he’s one cruel **** that Jesus.
:^)
–Jonestein
http://jonestein.mlblogs.com

LOL! Jonestein!!! Just to prove he’s all powerful…he wrecked both of them.
Peter ~ It was a plant for shameless self promotion!

Jesus hates the Cubs…OF COURSE HE DOES. BLASPHEMY MY A**. As mentioned above, Lilly no-hitter no more. SO close yet so far…JESUS HATES YOU. And yes, Johnny Damon did have to be Jesus to break the Curse.
http://stlcardinals06.mlblogs.com/

HI!! Wow, I haven’t wrote anything in your blog for a long time. Sorry. Oh and Jesus does hates the Cubs. That video never gets old. And as of now, I don’t think he hates the Padres :)
http://hyunyoung.mlblogs.com

Jesus hates the Cubs…OF COURSE HE DOES. BLASPHEMY MY A**. As mentioned above, Lilly no-hitter no more. SO close yet so far…JESUS HATES YOU. And yes, Johnny Damon did have to be Jesus to break the Curse.
http://stlcardinals06.mlblogs.com/

Great comments all… and for the record, no one has ever blamed me of shameless self promotion before. REALLY shameless self promotion yes, but just plain old shameless… nada.
–Jeff

Jesus looked fondly on the Cubs last night. I mean, they did beat the White Sox, no-hitters aside. :)

- http://janeheller.mlblogs.com

The image of Jesus looks like something out of a buddy flick where he cleans up the town with a sidekick like a wisecracking Owen Wilson. Next on Fox….
http://www.paullebowitz.com/
http://princeofny.blogspot.com/

Jane — Sorta… they barely won. Squeaked by. Still lost the series.
Prince — Owen Wilson has certainly made a good career of being in bad buddy flicks. Go for it!
–Jeff

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