July 2010

The Filibuster

I know basketball isn’t your thing but
Lebron to the Heat??  Wouldn’t this be the equivalent of Strasburg
playing a few seasons in DC and then heading to Marlins?  I know you
guys must have some opinion on this so let’s hear it.
 
-Hal
Canton, OH
____________________________________


lebron james sexy.jpgYou are right, Hal.  Basketball isn’t my thing.  Sure, I’ll check in come the playoffs; but the last time I paid attention to a whole NBA season start to finish was… well, never. 

Fear not.  I got an NBA expert to help us out. 

But before I get to that, let me just say what I am qualified to say and that is: NO!  It would NOT be the equivalent of Strasburg going to the Marlins.  How does Strasburg even factor into this?  LeBron is… y’know, the best.  Strasburg is… pretty good (in but a handful of games). 

A better metaphor would be Albert Pujols looking like this one day:

albert pujols yankees.jpg

*cleaning the vomit off my keyboard*

Again, fear not.  The above ain’t ever gonna happen.  If it does, I promise you I will murder everyone… in the world.

Now, for a keen, informative breakdown of the LeBron James free agent fiasco, we turn to RSBS‘ resident NBA apologist, Johanna Mahmud (you know him — a bit too well perhaps — from the RSBS Podcast extravaganzas), who assures us that the one who really gets hurt in this whole mess is Delonte West.  Who’s momma is he gonna sleep with now?  Zydrunas Ilgauskas’s?  Please, lord, no.

When asked for his opinion on the matter for this Filibuster, Johanna broke it down for us in short quips of bursting genius:

johanna and his beer.jpg“Cleveland: It blows.  There’s nothing to do in that town except masturbate and cry.”

“If bron goes to heat, and faces kobe in finals and kobe defeats the chimera.  i’m kobe fan for life.  watch out m.j.”

“i love when giadas fake friends show up to try the fake food her chefs slave over.”

“my rash cleared up!!!!!”

“d rose. d rose d rose. ….would never do what happened thursday night. the bulls/heat games this season will be UNBELIEVABLE…”

So yeah… that’s how we feel about the LeBron James/Miami Heat situation.  Johanna’s part of the crew.  And we’re having what he’s having… like, now. 

Hate us ‘cuz it’s always beer thirty here, just don’t hate us ‘cuz we’re right!

Peace,

Jeff

(Albert image courtesy of Hardball Talk)

RSBS Sits Down with Hall of Famer Dave Winfield

dave winfield.jpg“I come from a family that always believed: If you have a little, give a little. If you have a lot, give a lot.”

And there is no doubt.  Hall of Famer Dave Winfield gives. A lot.

From being the first active professional athlete to establish an official 501(c)(3) charitable organization (The Winfield Foundation) to funding the Dave Winfield Nutrition Center at Hackensack University Medical Center to providing entire blocks of game tickets for underprivileged youth in San Diego, giving back to the community has always been a high priority for the 12 time Major League All-Star.

“I think part of it comes from the area of the country I’m from in St. Paul and Minneapolis, major corporations used to always give a part of their pre-tax dollars to charity.  For some reason, that’s just always sunk in.”

“And with my Winfield Foundation, we try to give to things that deal with health and education; I’ve used sports as a kind of carrot to lead people into these areas.”

But as Winfield admits, the strongest inspiration for his remarkable spirit of philanthropy comes from his mother, Arline, a selfless woman who tragically passed away from breast cancer after seeing her son play in the 1988 All-Star Game.  In an effort to further educate the public, Winfield has teamed up with Ask.com and the Susan G. Komen for the Cure foundation to form “Answers for the Cure”, allowing baseball fans and people everywhere to get involved in the fight against breast cancer.

For every person who goes to Ask.com/ForTheCure and uses the search engine, Ask.com will donate ten cents to Susan G. Komen for the Cure.  Contributions will help fund life-saving research, education, screening services and community outreach projects.

“Early detection is the most important thing,” Winfield remarks.  “There is no cure, but if you detect it early on, you can combat it.  If you’re late, there may not be a second chance.”

In his mother’s case, there was no second chance; but by giving back to the community, Winfield keeps her spirit alive.  And he is not alone.

In fact, many current Major Leaguers have adopted Winfieldian philanthropic lifestyles, donating their time, money and efforts to educating the public on important health and educational issues.  Nick Swisher, Mariano Rivera, Mark Teixeira… these are just a few of those giving back.

“Derek Jeter,” says Winfield, “he stands out as a person who has been totally committed, using his career and his life to be a role model and a good example for others to follow.  He has a great foundation.  He’s raised millions of dollars.  He has helped so many kids.  One day, when he retires, he will have affected tens of thousands of people for sure.”

Indeed, Derek Jeter’s Turn 2 Foundation and Jeter’s Leaders Program have both done incalculable work inspiring young people to live active, healthy, substance free lives, rewarding academic achievement and promoting social activism.  And Jeter’s inspiration for establishing such charitable work?

dave winfield hall of fame.JPGDave Winfield.

One might even say Winfield inspires us all to give back to our respective communities.  Who else could turn an unfortunate (and inadvertent) 1983 Toronto seagull killing into a charitable endeavor that raised over $60,000 by donating two paintings to an Easter Seals auction?

Whether it’s hitting a World Series winning double off Charlie Leibrandt in extra innings or educating the public through selfless charity work, one thing is certain:

Dave Winfield is clutch.

And now you can be too.  Join Dave and RSBS in the fight against breast cancer.  Make a difference today.

Written by Jeffery Lung

Special thanks to Zack Nobinger of Taylor PR for arranging the interview with Dave Winfield.

Click *HERE* to read Jeff’s interview with Ken Griffey, Sr.

(Top image courtesy of Exposay.com, Albert L. Ortega Photos)

(Below image courtesy of Padres Nation)

Everyone Was Kung-Fu Fighting!

lego kung fu.JPGTired of the Barbara Boxer v. Carly Fiorina bad-hair-day feud?  Are you sick of the back-and-forth budget battle between Senate democrats and republicans?  Has your patience been tested with Joe Lieberman’s unending political bed-swapping?

I have a solution.

And I learned it from the Taiwanese.

It’s called… fist fighting; and though we at RSBS would never condone violence as a foolproof solution to conflict, we do admit that a quick, controlled and monitored brawl will go a long way in fixing an otherwise needless argument.  Why do you think my nefarious and oft-rattled colleague, Mr. Allen Krause, has been so passive in his literary retorts lately?  Uh… yeah.  ‘Cuz he knows not to mess with these guns.

It worked for Nolan Ryan (not so much for Robin Ventura).  It worked for Pedro Martinez (again, not so much for Don Zimmer).  It worked for Carlos Zambr — wait, okay, maybe it doesn’t always work.

But, as was the case in Taiwan’s parliament session yesterday, it did provide plenty of laughs (not to mention plot lines for future Michael Bay films):

Still not convinced?

Imagine Saxby Chambliss dueling to the death with Kristen Gillibrand!

No?  Okay, imagine Saxby Chambliss dueling to the death with Kristen Gillibrand… in jello!  Think of what wonders that could do for our country!  People might actually vote!

So yeah, go ahead and hate me, folks… just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Happy Friday!

Jeff

The Inconvenient Truth

kennedy_monroe.jpgSomething has gone horribly wrong with the Democrats.  Back when JFK was doing his thing, he romanced the ladies.  There’s nothing that the aura of power and a thick Boston accent couldn’t do for Jack.

Even Clinton, despite his somewhat suspect taste in women, knew how to play the game.  Cigars in the Oval Office, blue dresses.  The man had been perfecting the craft with Paula Jones and Gennifer Flowers and there was no way Monica had a chance against him.

But now?  John Edwards cheats on his cancer-stricken wife, gets the lady pregnant and videotapes it.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, he still had the balls to think he could make it through the campaign without anyone finding out.

And if we can believe recent reports, it seems that boring old Al Gore might be the worst of the lot.  It’s not just that he hid it all along while subjecting us to that interminable kiss with Tipper.  It also appears that he plain and simple has no game.  Let’s look in on a Chinese animated recreation of the events in Oregon on the night of October 24, 2006:

Yep, real classy, Al.  And when a lady compares you to a sex-crazed poodle, that’s usually not a compliment.  Even if I have been known to take it that way.

-A

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 5: Bonilla’s Bonus Button… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 3.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

Jeff, Al & that rock-n-rollin-Cub-lovin’ sage Johanna Mahmud take on all things ‘Merica, including (but not limited to) Rinku and Dinesh, Carlos Zambrano, The Hills (seriously? that happened?), the All-Star Game, the Lou
Piniella Mailbag and much,
much more… all to make you laughy-laughy!

Holla!

-
– -

Subscribe
to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe

via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special

thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and
all-around sound guru.  His Undercast
podcast is a must-listen (listen to it!).  It’s available on iTunes and
is posted regularly at Undercard

Films.

Recorded Monday, July 5, 2010

Insult and Injury

You would think that with the Tigers’ recent vault into the top spot in the AL Central I would be happy.  But I’m not.

There’s just too much going wrong for all this to continue.  The Tigers have been winning but it is in spite of, not because of, the baseball gods that they do so.  Don’t believe me?  Look at the list.  Galarraga’s (nearly) perfect game.  Zumaya’s horrific injury.  Damon’s phantom 3rd strike against the Braves.  There’s only one logical conclusion.  Despite the Tigers’ run, the baseball gods have it in for them.  In fact, if you could peer in on those gods right now as they address the Tigers, it would probably sound a little bit like this:

“Wanna make $14 the hard way?”  Well, at least that would buy me a beer and a hotdog at the game, both of which make the gods’ antipathy a little easier to swallow.

-A

‘Merica the Bootyfull

usa bikini.jpgGoddamn it, I love me some ‘Merica.

You know this, dear readers. Heck, you probably love you some too.

And yesterday, on our hallowed Fourth of July holiday, I had a grandtastical time with friends, family, and beer.  I BBQ-hopped all over the Chi; kissed babies’ sunburnt foreheads; ate me some apple pie.  At the end of the day I was so drunk with red, white and blue cheer that I couldn’t help but point my finger at strangers and say “I want YOU!”

And along the way, I learned what ‘Merica really is.

It’s…

Baseball
Duh.  We all know this.  I attended BBQs in costume, as a walking representation of our nation’s capital. I wore this red novelty tee (the sleeves I ripped off, ‘cuz ‘Merica don’t need no dang sleeves) with the Washington Nationals cap I picked up during Strasmas a couple of weeks ago.
 
im big in europe.jpgThis outwardly provocative get-up netted me lots of friends.  Strangers approached me with “Hey, Strasburg, man!” and “Gotta love Strasburg, dude.”  The ladies were impressed with me being big in Europe and one of them even made a joke about the possibility of Stephen Strasburg being big in Europe, to which I replied, “Strasburg… he’s good and all, but, y’know he ain’t no Jeff Lung.”

‘Merica… it’s…

Being Anything You Wanna Be… For Five Hours


merica.jpgHate me ‘cuz it’s trendy, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

(pics by moi)

The Filibuster

The sCrUBS are now 3 and 9 against the
Pirates. 
I am just wondering how much more the Pirates have to do before we can
replace
them with the sCrUBS as the doormat in the National League.

Great Blog Guys,
Mike
Chicago, IL

____________________________________

pirates fan.jpgMike,

I like the question but I’m going to have to remand you to basic math.  Yes, the Cubs are terrible and they seem to reserve their worst for the Pirates.  As a Tigers fan, I’m all too well-acquainted with this phenomenon which I like to call Royal-itis.  Sweep the season series from the Yankees?  Sure, why not.  Beat the two decade doormats of the AL Central more than once per season?  Nah, not really feeling that.

But, the fact of the matter is that the only number that really counts is the overall win-loss figure.  And when you look at those numbers, for both this year and for the recent past, you can see that there’s no real comparison between the Buccos and the Cubs.  Despite all their hyjinks and Zambrano’s incredible implosion, the Cubs are still 6 games ahead of the Pirates and barring Lebron James’ conversion to baseball and subsequent saving of the Pirates, they appear well on their way to another impressive losing season.  The Cubs will finish where they always do, just a little ways south of their expectations.

Really, the best that we can hope for out of either of these teams is a little entertainment.  God knows that Cub fans don’t really go to the ballpark to watch the game.  They go to be seen and to drink themselves stupid.  Pirates fans?  Honestly, I have no idea why they go.  Pittsburgh must be an incredibly boring town if that’s the best thing you can come up with.

Here’s my final take on things, Mike.  The Cubs may be the personal doormats of the Pirates but with the twenty year record the Pirates are sporting, they’ll be holding on to that overall doormat title for a while yet.  Here’s an analogy that might help you understand the situation.  The Cubs are like a West Virginia coal miner’s doormat.  It’s dirty but you expect it.  The Pirates are more like the doormat you’d find in front of a frat house at the end of second semester, right after they’ve thrown the biggest kegger in school history while it was raining.  Yeah, sometimes you might as well just throw the thing out and start over.  Hope that helps.

-A

Padres’ Secret Unveiled

ryan webb jedi.jpgAll season long I’ve been asking myself: how does a team that cannot score runs continue to win as much as the Padres in 2010?

I thought the answer was excellent pitching.

WRONG.

If Ryan Webb is hangin’ with Yoda, then it’s a good bet that Mat Latos is hangin’ with Obi-wan… and Heath Bell is chillin’ with… Vader.

Hate me ‘cuz I can spin the double-bladed saber, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I”m right.

Peace,

Jeff

(Image courtesy of the AP)

The Long and the Short of It

Jose Canseco turns 46 today.  For a guy who juiced as much as he did and who is almost as famous for letting a pop-up bounce off of his head as he is for belting tape measure home runs, it’s kind of amazing to think he could make it to 50.

It would also be amazing if this dimwit makes it that far:

http://cnettv.cnet.com/av/video/cbsnews/atlantis2/player-dest.swf

“Hey Jerry!  Guess what?  I totally shorted BP and I’m going to make a killing……..Of course I’m going to the Hamptons this weekend, well, as long as my herpes don’t flare up again…..”

**Thwack!**

No more Hamptons and so much for that nose job.

Happy Friday!

-A

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