The Reds Got It Bad

bieber and usher.jpgOutside of baseball, there’s really only one man worth wearing the crown of my man-crushdom.  Whether its his svelte good looks, his vocal charm, or his ability to cheat on multiple baby’s mamas and still be adored by all… this man is someone I’d like to be, if only for a day.

That man’s name is…


So imagine the pure shock, the horror, the Crying Game-esque gut twisting reaction I had when I was informed that Usher was responsible for the comeuppance, development and overnight success of the height-challenged lesbian look-alike from Canada, Justin Bieber.


If it’s pop-culture-to-baseball analogies you’re lookin’ for, look no more, dear readers.  For Usher is the St. Louis Cardinals.  He’s tops among R&B artists.  He’s consistently good.  He’s been around the winner’s circle.  He belongs among the best.

Justin Bieber?  He’s the Cincinnati Reds.  A mere fart in the grand world of entertainment, he too will eventually dissipate back into nothingdom, where he belongs

The Reds boast a team of Cardinal has-beens: Scott Rolen, Jim Edmonds, Russ Springer… hell, even Walt Jocketty.  During the course of a 162 game season, even has-beens find time to shine.

But like Justin Bieber and his awkwardly prolonged fifteen minutes of fame, eventually the Reds will burn out…

…the Cards will be on top…

…and Usher will be asking:

Can U Handle It?

Hate me ‘cuz I wanna eradicate Bieber Fever, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.



(Special thanks to C for the vomit-inducing photo)


Jeez, is that kid looks like, well, what you said.
I likes yo boys *****-slappin the Cincys, BTW…

Wait, I thought Bieber was associated with the White Sox?

Thanks for the visual, Jeff. No hate here…

My daughter has ‘Bieber Fever’ and I hate it. I don’t let her listen to that or rap while I’m around. I let her listen to good pure music like Kiss and Skid Row.
‘Minoring In Baseball’

Jonestein — We do what we can. Hope they can hold it up.
Randy — Yeah, he might be… I made a point to be gone when he was in town.
Mike — Good call. Add Slayer to that list and I’m on board.

You are a master at smack talking! I am enjoying the competition in the NL Central though. May the best team win!

I have to laugh at the whole Bieber phenomenon. I remember when I was a screaming teenage girl and had crushes on every pop star that came along. My parents would roll their eyes and go, “Where’s the talent?” Now I know what they meant.

Jane, I hear ya. Back in my day it was Vanilla Ice and the New Kids on the Block… Bieber is no different. He will go away. Soon, I hope.

Oh, and Emma… I take pride in my smashmouth. Holla!

Bieber.. always sounds like some new fandangled furniture store.. the Cards and Reds rock, more web gems of the central div fight club needed….


I pretty much hate Justin Bieber. So the fact that you compared him to the Reds? Awesome. Maybe you and Brandon Phillips should duke it out. My money’s on you.

Let’s go Cardinals!

– Tiffany

Peter — Points for you for using “fandangled”. BOOM!
Tiffany — I’d be up for that challenge. Set it up😉

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