Captain Morgan Calls for Captainism!
Just how Captain Morgan is able to be in both my liquor cabinet and the Oakland Coliseum at the same time is beyond me. But he is. Or… was. In fact, last week he was seen comparing hooks with Mr. Perfect himself, Dallas Braden, while bringing the party with him in the way of one blonde, one redhead and one enviable, swashbuckling goatee.
That’s right. Just when you thought captainism in US America was dead, here comes Captain Morgan throwing out the first pitch at a ballpark near you. While captains may run rampant in the NHL, the NFL and MLS, Major League Baseball suffers from a supreme shortage.
Derek Jeter. Jason Varitek. Paul Konerko.
Those are your only true, official captains.
Varitek? That’s a joke, right?
Paulie? Deserved, but under appreciated and way under publicized. In fact, I didn’t even know he was the Sox captain until yesterday… and I live next to the ball park!
Look, I’m a purist. You know this. Axe the replay, axe the jumbotron, axe the synthetic unis… I’m cool with all of that. But in lieu of the Nyjer Morgans and Milton Bradleys of the world, I think MLB would do a lot of good to inject more leadership into its ranks, spice it up with a “C” patch, subject the younger players to some authority.
Evan Longoria, Albert Pujols, Joe Mauer… they already look and act like captains. Can’t we just make it official?
Either that, or at least make it mandatory for that blonde and that redhead to make an appearance every ballpark in the league. (No need for the goatee. I have one of those already.)
Oh… and I’ll be waiting at Sox Park.
So go ahead and hate me… just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
(Images via Getty Images)