September 2010

Baseball Meets Art: “Caravaggio’s Sacrificio di Piniella”

caravaggios sacrificio di piniella.jpg

Abraham would’ve done it.

Someone would’ve done it.

Baseball meets art, dude.

And I just blew your mind.

Hate me for that… just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Happy Friday!

Jeff

Indians…but not the Kind From Cleveland

village_people.jpg

This past weekend left me a little shaken.  Over the course of a single evening, I heard four  different Village People songs.  The most disturbing aspect of these events, beyond the fact that the Village People are still being played outside of weddings, is that I had completely forgotten about their existence and didn’t realize until that night some of the songs that belonged to them.  In the Navy?  Go West?  And more than that, how is it possible that people missed the ****-erotic overtones well into the 80’s?

It got me to thinking.

What else have we completely missed?

I mean, we willfully ignored the steroid era in baseball until it was no longer possible to suspend disbelief.  Jeff still refuses to admit that the Tigers would have won the Series in 2006 if it wasn’t for those errors by the pitchers.

Sometimes those moments of delayed recognition are fun.  Like when a name pops up on the screen during a baseball game and it’s a guy whose baseball card I owned when I was younger.  Sure, he never made it big, but he’s still toiling in the majors.  Or when you see Miguel Cabrera in a Tiger uniform for the first time and it takes you a second to realize who he is and that he’s on your team now.

Most of the time the moments aren’t quite so idyllic, though.  Curtis Granderson in a Yankee hat.  A guy who should have retired a couple seasons earlier still out there hacking at balls he can no longer hit.  That’s a little closer to how I felt at the end of the night when YMCA started to play and I realized it was time to go.

-A

Mayor… Daley… Is… Outta Here!

mayor daley chicago.jpg
That’s right, dear readers.  The ginormously ugly head of the Chicago political machine is callin’ it quits.  He’s done.  Out. 

For good.

The last time Chicago saw such expeditious light, names like Doug Dascenzo and Danny Pascua anchored both sides of the Second City’s streets, while far across the globe, the Soviets were just gettin’ out of Afghanistan, after the United States ignited what would later turn into the biggest American tragedy of all time.

In other words, Mayor Daley’s been around a while.  Perhaps too long.  And we Chicagoans have gotten used to his turbulent tendencies.

So who in the heck is gonna replace him?!?

Don’t worry, folks.  The hardworking RSBS interns have put together a shortlist of candidates, all of whom come highly recommended:


mike quade.jpg
Mike Quade
Sure, a
month ago none of us knew who he was.  But having gone 9-4 in his first
13 games as the Cubs manager, let it be known that no Chicagoan has ever
done more with less than Mike Quade.  Believe that.

rod blagojevich.jpgRod Blagojevich
Let’s
see… He’s a democrat.  He’s a Chicago hardliner.  He’s abrasive. 
He’s on the take.  He’s got “friends” that wouldn’t flinch in breaking
your legs.  He primps for the camera.  He’s full of himself.  He dreams
bigger than he can act.  And he thinks the world revolves around him. 
If that’s all that’s required of the mayor of Chicago then someone give
this guy the key!

And… one final candidate to consider:

jeff with his catalogue.jpgMe!
Why not?  I live in Chicago.  I love Chicago.  Hell, I am Chicago (don’t believe me? Ask me to do my super fan
impression sometime).  Seriously, why wouldn’t I be a good candidate
for the job?  Because I love the Cardinals?  Because I might burn down
Wrigley Field?  So what, I support the Sox and I’d build a bigger,
better Wrigley (to house the Expos I plan to bring back once I get rid
of the sCrUBS).  Okay, so maybe I’m lying about all that — Hey, I’m a
liar! That qualifies me on its own! —  but I will say that I, too, hate
paying the highest sales tax in the country.  I, too, am tired of
reading gang and gun-related headlines.  Let’s make a change, people. 
Let’s get deep dish pizza in all the schools and make it mandatory that
baseball theory is taught to every kindergartner, before they find out about basketball or football.

Hate me ‘cuz you don’t believe that ‘yes, we can’… just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Detroit Still Has Some Fight….Just Not the Tigers

Since the Tigers have absolutely no fight left in them, Detroit sports fans have to look elsewhere.  And, in general, there hasn’t been much to look for.  However, even though preseason doesn’t mean much as far as the record goes, it can show you if a team has fight or not.  The good news is that if this video is accurate, the Lions just might have a little more fight in them than we’re used to as Detroit fans:

Ok, so it wouldn’t take much to show more fight than the victory a year the Lions have averaged over the past couple seasons.  And, in general, I guess it would be nice if the fight didn’t lead to penalties and suspensions.  But when you’re a Detroit fan, you take what you can get.

-A

Happy Labor Day and Nevermind Those Home Whites

labor day star wars.jpgCelebrate!  Holla out loud!  Be glad, fellow US Americans

It’s Labor Day!  And, ironically, this is the one day of the year where we are encouraged to sit around and do nothing… so get out there and… do nothing!

Of course, idle hands lead to idle thought leads to the tempestuous question: why in the world can’t we wear white after Labor Day?

Whoever the culprit, it’s obvious that he (or she) wasn’t a baseball fan.

So his/her rules are as obviously un-American as, say, not having a personal Jesus-friend, private insurance and an obedient wife.

Enjoy doing nothing today, y’all!  We deserve it!

Hate me ‘cuz you’re bored, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The Filibuster

Two of your favorite guys have been in the news a lot lately. Glenn Beck
and Roger Clemens. If you had to be either one for a day who you would
you choose?

Greg
Livonia, MI

_______________________________


glenn-beck-fox-news.jpgWow.  How do I even begin?  I mean, both men are absolute paragons of masculinity.  One man liked to stick needles in his butt on a regular basis and the other cries when he sees a bald eagle.  But if I had to choose between the two and spending a day in their skin, I’d have to choose Clemens.

Here’s the problem.  When you spend a day as someone, you have to be able to extricate yourself from that person in the end.  Clemens doesn’t strike me as the type who has a whole lot going on upstairs.  Being in his head is like walking down one long, empty corridor.  There are doors here and there and maybe I’d get lucky enough to open the one where he throws the bat at Piazza and figure out what was really going on in that moment.

On the other hand you have Glenn Beck.  Have you tried watching the guy’s show?  He starts on one thought, flies off on some tangent, leaps off the tangent to attempt an allusion and winds up throwing logic aside for the beautiful simplicity of ad hominem attack.  Why doesn’t he like Obama’s health care plan?  Well, because the Nazis had a health care plan. 

The twists and turns inside that mind are baffling from the outside and could only be more confusing when you’re right in the middle of it.  If you go in there, your chances of making it out alive or at least sane are about as good as the odds that Newt Gingrich won’t cheat on this wife.  Or that Bill Clinton has been faithful.  Yeah, that bad.

So, give me Clemens.  He may not be the nicest guy.  He may not be the smartest guy.  But at least I can kind of figure out what he’s thinking.  There’s a simple beauty in that.

-A

Never Fear, Jan Brewer Is Here!

arizona flag.jpgYeah, yeah, so they have an immigration problem.

Yeah, yeah, so they have a winning baseball games problem (see Diamondbacks).

Yeah, yeah, so they have a Matt Leinart problem.

Big deal.

Arizona has Jan Brewer.  And Jan Brewer is on it!

Sorta.

I mean, it could be worse.  She could be Nyjer Morgan.

Hate me ‘cuz you can, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

(thanks to C for the vid tip)

Danny Almonte, But Not Really

I didn’t have a whole lot of success in little league.  I could field all right but I couldn’t hit a curve.  Or a fastball.  Or a changeup which is really what most of the pitchers were throwing back then anyway.  Turns out I might have been going at the thing all wrong, though.  See, if I would have started a couple years after everyone else but started at the beginning, I might have had a chance.  Kind of like Julious Threatts

Man, as a 14-year old hitting against 7-year olds, I could have cleaned up!  Just imagine.  Twice their age, probably almost double their size.  It would have been like this:

Or maybe like this:

http://embed.break.com/MTkwNDM4Mw==

Either way, it would have been awesome.  At least until a 17-year old joined up.

Happy Friday and happy Labor Day weekend.

-A

Teetotalled

teetotaling.jpgIt turns out that being a baseball fan could save your life.  And it’s probably not for the reason you think. 

How many baseball fans do you know who don’t drink?  Exactly.  Almost every single one does.  It’s a good way to pass the time while relievers are warming up or during a rain delay.  On those early spring and late fall days it’s also a good way to keep yourself warm, from the inside out.

Now it turns out that alcohol also makes you live longer.  They aren’t sure why.  They aren’t sure how.  But the study seems pretty stunning when you look at the numbers. 

Here’s what I propose.  Life is short.  Especially if you’re a teetotaler.  There’s no time to waste.  So you need to prepare yourself and gear up to take this challenge on the right way.  And when I say gear, I mean gear:

hops-holster.jpgLook, friends, this is serious business.  In fact, if you really want to avoid wasting time, you might also consider the following for when you absolutely have to break the seal:

bladder_buddy.jpgYes, those are bladder buddies peeking out the bottom of their pant legs.  But don’t judge them.  Really, these men are just doing their part to save their own lives.

Consider this a public safety announcement, RSBS style.  Now get out there and drink!

-A

An Open Letter to the St. Louis Cardinals

writing_letter.jpgDear St. Louis Cardinals,

Stop it. 

Just stop it.

You are embarrassing me.  You are embarrassing my family.  You are embarrassing yourselves.

My sister was at your game in Houston on Monday night.  Ya know, the one against the LOLstros.  The first one where you didn’t score any runs.  And despite your recent slide against terrible, terrible teams, she still went to the park all decked out in Cardinals gear. 

She could’ve used a security detail trying to get out of there.

That’s what it has finally come down to in 2010.

What is more frustrating than anything else isn’t the losing.  Look, I know.  Baseball teams lose.  Even the best teams lose four out of ten.  That’s the game.  That’s baseball.

But when you lose you look like you don’t care… like it doesn’t bother you… like it’s just another day.

WELL IT’S NOT JUST ANOTHER FRIGGIN’ DAY!

The wheels are coming off and we’re not gonna shut up about it until you start looking like you give a damn.  I guarantee you the folks in Cincinnati do.  Yes.  Finally, they have something to care about; and here we are, a confused, spiraling, spoiled Cardinals nation who thought we could just mail it in until the playoffs…

Well, that ain’t gonna cut it.

I hate to sound over dramatic, but the time has come for some over dramatic butt-kickin’ ‘cuz there ain’t much time left! 

So go out there and remember that we’ll always love you, as long as you give your best, tireless efforts.

Sincerely,

Jeff

…and a bazillion other serious Cardinals fans.

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