Getting to Know the Man Who May Kill Us All
Baseball’s short rest before what looks to be a dramatic pair of League Championship Series affords us the opportunity to focus on the fact that, as long as North Korea is allowed to do whatever North Korea wants, baseball (and life as we know it) may not have much of a future.
If Mayan intuition doesn’t see us all dead by 2012, then we can always look to the ill-serving secretiveness of the DPRK, knowing that its dear leader shall not hesitate in blowing up the planet, provided he has the resources to do so.
In light of such awful truth, RSBS is dedicated to informing the public, no matter the cost; which is why Mr. Krause and I did not hesitate in sending some interns on a mission to learn more about who this heir-apparent, Kim Jong-un, actually is. Here are some of their findings:
The 26 or 27 or 28 year old Kim Jong-un may or may not have been educated in Switzerland or somewhere else under his own name or maybe not under someone else’s name but perhaps his own or maybe with or without an alias or maybe a pseudonym or something like that.
Kim Jong-un is a fan of Michael Jordan. He is also a fan of Jean-Claude Van Damme. These two facts combined unilaterally make him a man, also defined as a fan of womanizing and boozing.
Based on Fact #28, Kim Jong-un appears to be a man like any other man… except for the fact that he lives a delusional existence in which he is revered by a brainwashed, ignorant public as a literal god.
Kim Jong-un was recently appointed as a four-star general in the Korean People’s Army, which, ironically, could care less about the actual people of Korea.
If Kim Jong-un wants to change the fate of “his people”, he might want to take a hint from his southern brethren, and introduce baseball along with these fine ambassadors of hope:
Hate me ‘cuz you’re ronery, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
*The above facts may or may not be true… or not.