An Extremely Loose and Semi-Offensive Transcription of What Ozzie Guillen Said Last Night

ozzie guillen laughing.jpgYou know it.  I know it.  The US American people know it.

FOX hired Ozzie Guillen to be an analyst on their pre and post game shows for one reason and one reason only: to make sure you at least consider watching their otherwise boring pre and post game shows.

And if you were one of the three or so people who stayed tuned after last night’s rout to suffer through 15 minutes of Chris Rose and Eric Karros’ lisp, well, you’re just as glad as I am that Ozzie was there to break up the monotony.

Even though we have no clue what he said.

The uber-linguistic RSBS interns got to work transcribing, but even they aren’t sure.

Ozzie on the World Series atmosphere:

Dis is wazza gonna want for the ho season. Back in spring train, dis is wazza gonna tink abow forda ho year.  To win a gang after gang after gang, izza gonna hafta looze too.  But dassa wazza gonna happen.  Enjoy it!!!

Ozzie on Juan Uribe’s playoff heroics:

Well, dazza wazza gonna happen.  Dis guy, Uribe, he like a big cat dat like-uh eat something.  He like-uh eat anyting.  Really, he juzza gonna eat so you better let eem eat.  He can hurchoo witta glub and witta bat een hees hanz.

And of course…

Ozzie on what the Rangers have to do to counter the Game 1 loss:

Furs of all, you gonna habba go back in dat clobehouse wit your head up high and make sure you not gonna habba stroke or whadebba ees not gonna kill you you lose one gang.  Errybody losing a gang or eef you northsider you lose a lotta gang (hehehehe) but eet not gonna mattuh go home and tell yo wife you lubba den you relax or what you gonna do to sleep and go to clobehouse tomorrow and win dat gang and maybe another gang back in your own clobehouse.  Dazza wazza gonna habba do.

Whew.

FOX may lose points with Joe Buck and Tim McCarver.  But, dear readers, Ozzie Guillen is an entertainment gold mine!

Hate me.  Fine.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

(special thanks to Johanna Mahmud, who contributed to this post)

7 Comments

I hate Ozzie Guillen. It’s nice to speak your mind and all, but sometimes you can’t. What he said about Nick Swisher “sucking when I had him” was just cruel. I’ll never respect him.
-Virginia
http://southernbelle.mlblogs.com

Jeff,
Maybe we can get Jenn, your local journalism student in Chi-town to do her own side-by-side Twitter translation during the pre and post games since she has that working knowledge of the White Sox internal code or language not even known by the Spanlish users of America.
But you got to admit, all we need is a few party games using “Ozzie-isms” and maybe a few catch phrases and we could have another drunken Frat party tradition.
Hey, it is getting colder in some parts of the nation.

Rays Renegade

http://raysrenegade.mlblogs.com

Virginia — I understand why you’d be upset… but Ozzie (annoying as he is) is always honest. I watched Swish here that year. He WAS terrible. Awful. The worst.
RR — I doubt there’s anyone who REALLY knows what Ozzie is sayin’ ;-)
Prince — Must be the electric kool-aid acid… test.
–Jeff

I had the opposite reaction. I turned off the post game show as soon as I heard Ozzie. Couldn’t understand a word he said and didn’t want to.

http://janeheller.mlblogs.com

I’m glad I’m not the only one who has no clue what this guy is saying.

Jane — Then FOX’s plan isn’t as good as I thought ;-)
Kaiser the Great — Believe me. 99.9% of the population is just as clueless as you and I are.
–Jeff

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