December 2010

2010: A Year in Review (Pt I)

RSBS_Mlb.made.LOGO.jpgIn a year as dynamic as US American voters are shortsighted, finding just the right words to succinctly summarize all the goings on of MMX isn’t really as hard as I thought it might be.  Sure, ‘Merican culture still clings to the absurd Canadian import or two and the global economy continues its tailspin while our government continues its fight in two unwinnable wars, but not all is gloom and doom, my friends.

In fact, personally speaking, 2010 was quite fantastic!  I quit smoking, I got in the best shape of my life thus far, and I got to hang with my fanciful and oft repugnant colleague (and subsequent dear friend), Mr. Allen Krause, not once, but TWICE!  First was the June baseball rendezvous in DC where we participated in a very special Strasmas celebration, then came an equally exciting Michigan Christmas, where I spent the holiday weekend with Mr. Krause and his family.

All told, it was the best of times, it was the… no.  It was just the best of times.

Hell, we even got treated to a non-powerhouse World Series, where the Giants defeat over the Rangers inspired small markets all over North America to think about one thing and one thing only: pitching, pitching, pitching.  And, of course, no RSBS review of 2010 could go without mentioning the inception of our very own Podcast, one that continues to kick butt on a sometimes semi-weekly basis.

That’s right.  Red State Blue State knows no bounds… and neither do the following top five Allen Krause penned gems of 2010:

2nd Honorable Mention:
We All Lose

Now and forever, September 11 will never be the same.  I know that.  You know that.  Mr. Krause knows that.  But through his strong dislike for all things pink in baseball and, of course, bigotry, Mr. Krause was able to both enlighten and entertain on this hallowed day.  His message?  Simple: “Hate kills.”

Honorable Mention:
RSBS Presents: Chili

Personal note: If you want to coax Mr. Krause into doing… well, anything… tempt him with chili.  Just know that it better be good chili if you want to be successful.  Mr. Krause ain’t no slacker when it comes to this US American staple, which he proves with this eloquent presentation full of chili flavor.  Plus, whenever a writer is able to use “scatalogy”, “concoction” and “awe-inspiring” in the same paragraph, he deserves a reward of some kind.

2nd Runner Up:
Understated to the End

Losing our heroes is never easy.  And when Sparky Anderson died, my thoughts immediately went out to Tiger nation, and more specifically, Mr. Krause.  Of course, I knew it was only a matter of time before a bit of literary magic would grace the pages of RSBS, and with his ode to ole Sparky finely tuned to an equally understated former president, Mr. Krause did not disappoint.

1st Runner Up:
Catastrophe in Multiple Forms

While compassionate might not be the first adjective (or the five hundred and first) adjective that comes to mind when I think of Mr. Krause, I can say that if he shows any, it is definitely genuine.  Such is the case here, where his sentient empathy crosses paths with lots of bloody nipples and Austin Collie’s head.

And the Winner is…:
RSBS Presents: A Baseball Fan’s Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse

There are two types of people in this world: those who are ready for the baseball zombies, and those who ain’t.  Read this and you will be more than ready.  Skip it and your brains are as good as gone by the chomp-slathering undead jaws of Pete Incaviglia and Todd Van Poppel.  ‘Cuz the zombies are real.  They are coming.  And they all fear Mr. Allen Krause.

Another year down, another horizon to chase. Big things are happening, and we’re glad that YOU, dear reader, are a part of it.

Stay tuned for Part II tomorrow.  Until then, don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right!

Peace,

Jeff

Highlights from the 2010 RSBS Twitter Reel

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Follow us at @RSBS !!!

Jeff & Al

If the Pirates Were an Engrish Phrase

marinated rape.jpg
Hack fluff filler my ^ss! 

This s*** is real.  I am HURTING for Pirates fans, dear readers.

HURTING.

Because they don’t even get a chance. Not a shot, not nothin’.

And though they are considered a division “rival” of my Redbirds, I cannot stop myself from doing what I feel is right — from ridiculing the runaway train of irresponsibility otherwise known as the Pirates’ front office.

Garrett Atkins?

Scott Olsen?

Matt Friggin’ Diaz?!?!?

Enough of this marinated rape.

Enough already.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

This Took 18 Years!?!?

DADT.jpgNow that we have had some time to reflect on the long awaited senate floor victory in repealing the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy which banned homosexuals from openly being… themselves while serving in our nation’s military, I have to ask just one, important question:

WHY DID IT TAKE SO FRIGGIN’ LONG?!?!?

Because we are not talking about a fine Scotch that needs to sit in a smoked barrel for 18 years, we’re talking about human beings — human beings who are who they are because they are who they are, just like human beings are White or Black or Asian or Cubs fans because that’s just who they are.  The fact that we allowed our government to implement such an anti-liberty policy in an institution meant to protect us and our allies, granting and preserving liberty, of all things, is a goddamn travesty, dear readers!

A travesty!

This is US America.  We are supposed to set the bar high.  And when it comes to treating our fellow man as we would want to be treated, we are really f***ing bad at it.  Yeah, yeah, I know haters g’on hate… but why?  What is there to hate?  What difference does it make to you where so-and-so puts his thing-a-ma-bob while in the comforts of his bedroom with his lover?  Huh?  WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?

It doesn’t.

Unless you’re ignorant.

And unfortunately, a lot of people are really, really ignorant.

I can only hope that some day, somehow, someway, people wake up to the simple reality that life would be a lot better for ALL OF US if we just learn to treat each other with respect, like we would want to be treated.  The golden rule, my friends.  The golden rule.

And the golden rule would definitely welcome the current “homosexual political agenda” in the United States, which is simply:

“To be protected against violent crimes driven by bigotry, to be able to get married, to be able to get a job, and it’s to be able to fight for our country.”

Barney Frank (D-MA)

Don’t.

Hate.

Peace,

Jeff

Happy Marshmallow World to You All!

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Oh, sure.  Labeling Mr. Krause and I the Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra of the baseball-politico blogging world makes total sense.  We’re both charming, charismatic, extremely good looking. 

And, of course, crazy cool!

So as we take a few days off to celebrate the holidays, please take a moment to pat yourself on the back for being such a fantastic RSBS dear reader and enjoy your free time by watching one of the best live duets of all time!  Seriously, if this performance doesn’t leave you reaching for the brandy bottle, something just ain’t right.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and long live baseball!

Jeff & Allen

Silent Night, Pirate Style

In honor of my ongoing series, “Posts that have absolutely nothing to do with baseball except for the tangential mention of the word ‘Baseball’ in them,” I bring you today’s entry.  At least this one has something to do with sports. 

Hey, it’s a step in the right direction.  And it’s even kind of Christmasy.  Not only that, it could be fun to try at a baseball game.  Imagine getting every fan in attendance to agree to be silent up until the home team scores their first run of the game.  As a side note, I recommend that Pirates fans choose a slightly different idea.  That could be a very silent night otherwise.

-A

Dedication….to Procrastination

Sure, there’s stuff going on in the world of baseball.  And a dedicated person, i.e. not me, would probably be writing about it.  But the fact of the matter is that this is the new SNL digital short and, like the others, it’s an instant classic.  I think you know what happens next:

Happy Wednesday!

-A

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 16: RSBS’ Drinking Game… and Other Stuff

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Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

Jeff and Johanna break out the hot stove holiday eggnog (topped off with a couple gallons of that special Kentucky blend, of course) and discuss all things important to the baseball-politico world, including but not limited to: adult circumcision, the 1960 World Series, the Phillies’ impending rape of the National League, peeing on your hands a la Moises Alou to get a better grip and much, much more… all to make you forget with a smile the horrors of your latest office party!

Holla!

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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  You can experience Keith’s wicked podcast and subsequent film projects at Undercard Films.  The man is talented, people.  You don’t want to miss out, so go check it!

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Recorded Saturday, December 18, 2010

Bet He Didn’t SEE This Coming

david paterson smiling.jpgForgive me. I know. I know.

That was a pretty lame pun… one that has probably been done a bazillion times already.

But I don’t care, because it justly proves my point — literally and figuratively — that people with money, people with power, people with clout (like New York governor David Paterson) often get whatever they want, whenever they want it; and you and I Joe Plumbers never hear about it.

NOT THIS TIME!!!

So, as the good gov’nuh pays out his $62K fine (which, is roughly how much Alex Rodriguez makes every three innings) for stickin’ the taxpayer with the cost of his World Series tickets, let us remember that, indeed, even the rich don’t always get what they want.

Unless this was some Red Sox fan-fueled controversy that originated with ill intentions meant to disrupt and expose the Yankees’ front office and their ongoing lobbying interests (which may or may not involve the absolute destruction of Ted Williams’ frozen head).

Yeah, yeah, I know… it’s been over a year since Teddy’s head was even relevant, but just like they say: revenge is a dish best served cold.

Or, on a stick.

Hate me ‘cuz it’s Monday, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Operation Plan C

Zack Greinke 3.jpgUh oh.  Don’t look now, Evil Empire, but the Yankees probably aren’t going to be successful in Plan B now that the shirt untucking Brewers have jumped in and made a deal for Zack Greinke.  And since the only other arm out there not attached to a ticking time bomb (*ahem* Carlos Zambrano) is Carl Pavano, well, that leaves the Yankees… er… in quite an uncomfortable situation.

Ready to entertain creative alternatives to mend their starting rotation holes, Cashman and company have taken to the teeny bopper concert scene.  Indeed, a young arm stuck in the sea of puberty is just ready to make his (or her) debut:

More accurate than Joba.  And probably a lot less annoying. 

I say go for it.

Hate. Me. Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

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