A Reformulation and New Application of the Krause Doctrine
Turns out I was wrong the other day. Sure, invading the field and trying to win the World Series through people-powered revolution seems like a good idea. It might even work. However, it’s just too unwieldy and unsure a mechanism. Actually, I should have been paying more attention while responding to the filibuster question because that shows the easiest, most direct route to victory.
See, if you just declare yourself the winner in the face of all facts and evidence to the contrary, who can dispute you? You’ve already shown that you don’t care about “facts” or other peoples’ so-called “reality.” No, real reality is whatever you decide it is. In the case of Gbagbo, reality is that he won the election and the other candidate should pack it in and go home. In the case of the Tigers, they need to stop paying attention to other teams’ and the league’s definition of “victory” and decide for themselves what it means.
Once you’ve created your own rules and then pick and choose which ones you choose to follow and when you choose to follow them, you can’t help but win! Here’s an example.
I have now decided that that Tigers actually won the World Series in 2006. Although the Cardinals may have scored more runs, several of those runs were due to pitcher errors that I don’t accept. This in turn nullifies those runs making the final tally in the series 4 games to 1 in favor of the Tigers. And yes, I think it’s appropriate to go ahead and have a victory parade now. We can decide that it’s November of 2006 for a couple hours which will also help.
I plan to apply this to all Tigers games going forward and also to Michigan football. I thought about using it for the Lions as well but I’m pretty sure that even this system couldn’t overcome the incredible assclownishness left behind by Matt Millen.
P.S. Yes, I’m aware that Gbagbo was captured. Doesn’t change the fact that his plan worked for several months.