April 2011

Giving Glenn a Hand

Glenn Beck crying.jpgMy heart is filled with sorrow knowing that Glenn Beck, the insane political entertainment leech that he is, will no longer be employed by the fear-mongering moguls at Fox News.  That’s right, dear readers.  I, and a collective US America, am in mourning.  Please, let us grieve.

Unfortunately, this mutual divorce means no more frog murdering on live television.  It means no more psychotic temper tantrums directed towards reason.  And yes, sadly, my friends, It means no more *oligarhy*.

But never fear!  Glenn Beck is the Washington Nationals of politics!  He may be an embarrassment to the establishment, but damn does he make things interesting every once in a while!

In fact, rumor has it, he might even start his own television network

And just in case he might need some help, the RSBS interns and I got right to work on finding the most appropriate network name.  Here’s a short list of what we came up with:

FoSN – The Full of S*** Network

NOGWN - The No One’s Gonna Watch Network

FBC – The Fail Broadcasting Corporation


Can’t wait to see what Mr. Beck finds the most appropriate… though early signs point to NOGWN, mostly ‘cuz I like how it sounds when you try to say it: “Nahg-wahn”.

Hate me.  I don’t care.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Even Keanu Can’t Make This One Enjoyable

kid_strike.jpgSince when have shutdowns become a good idea?  The NHL nearly folded after its stoppage and has only begun to recover thanks to Crosby and Ovechkin.  Unless Keanu Reeves leads the way, no one wants to see replacement players take the field again in place of the NFL stars.  MLB relegated itself to a decade of irrelevance after their last strike.  So why does the government think it will work for them?

I understand the difference here.  Stoppages and lockouts due to strikes are different than shutdowns due to budget impasses.  But they do share some important characteristics, one of the main ones being that its a really good way to piss people off. 

To be fair, only one group of people has really clamored for the shutdown.  Democrats and Republicans both know that cutting off your nose to spite your face will cost both sides in 2012.  However, the Tea Partiers haven’t learned that lesson yet and appear more than happy to shut everything down.  What happens then?  Well, here’s a partial reckoning.

As I write this, it ain’t over yet.  The Congress has until midnight to either pass the spending bill or try to ram through another continuing resolution.  They better hope they do.  Baseball learned the hard way that the best way to turn off an entire generation of fans was to shut down the game for the season.  People already hate Congress.  Do they really want to give us more reasons?

-A

It’s April, Yo!

So we’re only one week into the season and already folks are sounding the bell on the Cardinals’ chance to win out the NL Central. 

Have the Cardinals had a bad week?  Yes.

Is that reason to say they’re done?  No.

Are the red hot Reds the undisputed favorites to win the division?

I don’t know.  It’s April friggin’ 7th.  But since inquiring minds keep blowin’ up my Twitter*, I had our RSBS interns track down Lil Wayne, to see what he thinks:

reds fans.gif
My rapper eye rollin’ speak is a little rusty, but I’m pretty sure he’s tryin’ to say “I don’t know”… either that or Dusty Baker just got through abusing his arm and he needs some time to shake it off.

Either way, ask us again… in September!

And don’t hate me, ‘cuz you know I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

*Someday I hope to meet a time traveler from the 1950s so I can see the reaction on his face when I tell him “folks is blowin’ up my Twitter”.

(GIF via Skull Swap)

Setting the Mahmud: Johanna Presents “Great Moments in Ugly White Pitcher History”

This week…

The PIRATES!

Kent Tekulve

Kent tekulve

Tom Gorzelanny

Tom gorzelanny pirates

Lee Tunnell

Lee-tunnell

Matt Capps

Matt capps pirates

And… one more time, in case ya missed it…

Tom Gorzelanny

Tom gorzelanny sloth

–Johanna Mahmud

Much Ado About Juan Pierre

juan pierre white sox.jpgA few days ago, I got in a fight.  I got in a fight over… Juan Pierre.

See, the thing is… I know a lot about baseball.  And that knowledge doesn’t come from some miraculous form of osmosis.  No.  Ya see, I am happiest when watching multiple games, all at once, as often as possible.  So I do that.  I do that a lot.  Not only that, but I also read a lot about baseball… magazines, columns, websites… I pour over numbers… listen to the experts.  I do all of this because I find it to be enjoyable.  Some people can do long division in their heads, some can kick a football from 50 yards out… Me?  I know a s**tload about baseball.

And that’s just the way it is.

So when someone says something insane and tries to pull it off as empirical fact without any legwork or base acumen from which to draw upon, then I have a real hard time controlling my temper.  Think of it this way: if I walked into an operating room and said, “hey, that guy doesn’t need a kidney transplant, just tie that thing to that thing and it’s all good”, somebody would deck me, or at least, get him me the hell out of there.

That’s what happened when dude started talking crazy about Juan Pierre: “Juan Pierre sucks.  He can’t get on base.  I could find 29 other leadoff men better than him right now.”

Oh, really?

Juan Pierre may not be a flashy fella.  He may not demand the sexy headlines.  But g0ddammit, Juan Pierre is pretty damn good.  He’s consistent as hell.  He never gets hurt.  He led the National League in hits… twice.  He led the National League in stolen bases TWICE and led the American League in stolen bases JUST LAST YEAR.  He has a lifetime batting average of .298 (which PROVES that the dude gets on base plenty) and he RARELY strikes out!!!

If there were 29 other leadoff men better than him right now I’d paint myself pink and change my name to Suzie.

RESPECT.

JUAN.

PIERRE.

And don’t hate me… ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Young Guns, Tampa Style

hot_chick_ak.jpgOn a team full of young guns, sometimes you wonder which one packs the most punch.  David Price can mow ‘em down and the rest of the Rays have been deadly efficient while playing in the toughest division in baseball.  But if you have to pick one guy who completely embodies the firepower the Rays have shown, you’d have to go with Evan Longoria…..and his AK-47.

Ok, it’s actually no longer “his” AK-47 after its recent theft but still, there’s no denying that Longoria is packing.  And lest the conspiracy theorists start ascribing nefarious meanings in hushed whispers, Longoria legally owned the weapon by all accounts.  I guess the bigger question here is, why do Longoria and other sports stars feel the need to own weapons like this?

I get owning a hunting rifle.  I own a hunting rifle.  Growing up in Michigan, there’s a good reason for gun ownership, especially with the deer overpopulation problem.  There’s a big difference, though, between owning a hunting rifle and purchasing a deer permit in Michigan than owning (and carrying) a handgun in New York or DC or keeping an assault rifle in your spring training house in Florida.  I’m guessing it wasn’t there because he was planning on single-handedly eliminating the Florida python problem.

I’m not judging Longoria here.  It’s quite possible he has a legitimate reason for owning an AK-47.  I’m sure that the stress of playing up to a multi-million dollar contract wears on you and sometimes you just got to get your gun on to release a little bit of that tension.  However, I am questioning his judgement.  You’re in Florida.  I’m sure there are half a dozen places within a short drive where you could go rent a gun, purchase some rounds and fire to your heart’s content.  For instance, this place also offers air conditioning, a big plus in the Florida humidity, and I found it on the first page of my Google search.

Mr. Longoria, you’re a great baseball player with a wonderful future ahead of you.  It would be nice to talk about that future instead of the theft of your assault rifle.  So maybe let’s focus a little more on gunning down base runners than mowing down, uh, whatever it is you plan on mowing down with an AK-47.  Ok?

-A

The Filibuster

Opening Day saw some pretty spectacular bullpen meltdowns.  But what
does it say about the game that teams have become so reliant on the
bullpen that relievers can pretty much make or break a season?  Have
pitchers gotten soft?

Jake
Morristown, NJ
____________________________________

k rod jail.jpg‘Tis the season to yack up ballgames, fa la la la la, la la la AGGGHHHH!!!!

*Breaks window, jumps from the second story, runs down the street screaming even though forgot pants*

Believe me, Mr. Jake, I am really trying to tackle this one without any bias, without any memory of Opening Day in the ‘Lou, without a mammoth-sized chip on my shoulder.  But let’s be honest: in baseball, there isn’t much worse than watching your team dominate throughout a game, only to blow it all in the 9th when the win is on the line.

My Redbirds managed to do that on Opening Day.  The Brewers did too (all credit goes to John Axford).  The Mets ran into it last night with Jail-Rod’s shenanigans (Also, his unfettered desire to fight people proves that pitchers — at least this one — have not gotten “soft”… unless the pitcher’s name is Kyle Farnsworth).  Hell, ask the 2010 Baltimore Orioles… they know all about losing games late considering they blew more games last year than Lil Kim did Bad Boys in the 90s.

But what does it say about the game that teams have become so reliant on the bullpen that relievers can pretty much make or break a season?  Gee, I’m not sure it’s really come to that.  The ’08 Cardinals were pretty awful, as I remember the bullpen yacking up over 25 games late… but, after giving it the old eye test, I’m not sure it’s really fair to say that the state of Major League bullpens is any different than it has been in years past.  You either have a good one, a mediocre one, or a bad one. 

And even when you have a bad one, that doesn’t necessarily spell gloom and doom for one’s team.  2009 Brad Lidge comes to mind; my pedestrian and oft frightened colleague, Mr. Krause probably could’ve done a better job on the hill than Lidge that season, but the Phillies still managed to grind their way to the World Series.

Unfortunately, these days, the role of a “closer” and “set-up man” and “7th inning guy” has been magnified because of money.  The more money involved, the more pressure.  The more pressure, the fewer who can actually deal with it. 

In fact, for my money, there’s only one closer who is reliable every single day and that man’s name is Mariano Rivera.  I think the Yankees could realistically state that their season might rely on Mo’s cutters; but then again, their set-up man saved 40+ last year.  And, oh yeah, their all-star lineup doesn’t hurt either.

But for the other 29 teams, yeah, it could be a problem.  But when your team is in flux — featuring an unsigned future Hall of Famer, a sidelined perennial Cy Young contender, and an All-Star outfielder absent because of an appendectomy — then you got more problems than you can actually stomach right now.  The bullpen is just one of many.

Don’t hate me.  ‘Cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

- – -

**Have a topic you want to see us Filibuster?  Want a
free pimp for your blog?  How ’bout just finding out if Mr. Krause knows the Muffin Man… yes, the Muffin Man. 
Send us your Filibuster questions
by emailing kraulung@gmail.com or by commenting below
.

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 21: Mia Hamm’s Husband… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 2.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

To celebrate the beginning of the 2011 season Jeff and Johanna try to remember Mia Hamm’s husband’s name… he had a… played short… ah, nevermind.  Also, the fellas also jam about all things Opening Day, Prince Fielder’s belly, Jason Bay’s awfulness, new developments in Keith Carmack’s Pete Hill documentary, why the LOLstros are better than the Cubs and much, much
more… all to make you happy ending!

Holla!

- – -

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  Keith is has a very sweet creative hub of his own.  You should definitely check out what he and his crew have to offer. You can find it all at Undercard Films

- – -

Recorded Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 21: Mia Hamm’s Husband… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 2.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

To celebrate the beginning of the 2011 season Jeff and Johanna try to remember Mia Hamm’s husband’s name… he had a… played short… ah, nevermind.  Also, the fellas also jam about all things Opening Day, Prince Fielder’s belly, Jason Bay’s awfulness, new developments in Keith Carmack’s Pete Hill documentary, why the LOLstros are better than the Cubs and much, much
more… all to make you happy ending!

Holla!

- – -

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  Keith is has a very sweet creative hub of his own.  You should definitely check out what he and his crew have to offer. You can find it all at Undercard Films

- – -

Recorded Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I Know It’s Only ONE Game…

ryan-franklin sad.jpgBUT…

When that one game exposes a rudimentary flaw that I have been gripin’ about for over three years now, then that’s when trouble starts.  That’s when walls in my apartment become punch-holed and that’s when my neighbors consider burning me at the stake for my insane bouts of baseball rapture.

Ryan Franklin… brother… I love ya… and I know you only blew two saves last year, but you ain’t a closer.

Pitching to contact is fine if you’re Derek Lowe.  It’s fine if you’re a starter.  Heck, it’s fine if you’re guaranteed that the batted balls are going straight into someone’s glove.  But in the 9th inning, with a one run lead… I don’t want ANYONE ON BASE.  NO ONE. 

Ya hear me?

When I bring a guy in to close a game, I want someone with firepower, someone with strikeout potential… someone who throws GAS, someone with a wicked slider, someone with an impossible-to-hit cutter. 

Think Mo Rivera.  Think Dennis Eckersely.  Think Neftali Feliz.

The closer’s job is to come in and close the game, not to let ‘em hit it and hope your defense saves you. 

No. 

The best way to close a game is to miss the hitters’ bats.  And Ryan Franklin has a real hard time doin’ that.

Now, for more on this, let us turn to our junior RSBS correspondents:

http://www.viddler.com/player/63ff3f60/

Happy Friday!

Jeff

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 66 other followers