Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and Podcast schlemiel, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

Alms for the Poor (or Trying to Feed 10,000 Voices)

I like Mike Quade. I really do. I just wish I could identify at least ten players on his team. I’m having a hard time recognizing my Cubs. The disabled list is filling up like the Titanic. Is Tony Campana an actual professional baseball player!?! Is Blake DeWitt!?!??

The Cubs barely broke 30,000 people in the stands on a glorious weather-wise Memorial Day.

I’m a Cubs fan… but I don’t talk about it in public. During Cubs games, I often find myself calling an old friend, folding laundry, reading a book, picking up new hobbies like bird watching.

The Ricketts bought the team hoping to make money and they’re… NOT. They keep trying to borrow money, but that’s not working either.

Between the b.s. landmark status they can’t get around, Alderman Tom Tunney’s rooftop issues and the fact that they STILL don’t have their own TV station, the Cubs can’t make any money to save their pinstripes. Stupid decisions keep being made because Hendry is baseball-impaired, so I say we at least grab some damn coin somewhere.

Cut down the ivy and put up billboards. NO ONE WILL CARE.  JUST DO SOMETHING.

Because people aren’t coming. They can’t do it anymore. Most of us would prefer hanging out at the filling station or a Mexican carwash.

Do the Cubs really think money will just show up like Kreskin would will it in his mind?

Maybe they should just sell some Ohio State college football memorabilia instead.

–Johanna Mahmud

3 Comments

Enjoying reading your column Mr. Mahmud. Couldn’t agree more with you about how pathetic the Cubs have become. Also love the OSU jab.

-H.B.

I was at the game Monday and half the bleachers were empty! That never happens especially on such a beautiful day. It felt like the real baseball fans were non-existent. Most of the crowd was typical Cubbie whores lookin to get drunk, get some sun and hopefully get stuffed by some douchebag they meet at the Cubby Bear after the game. I think they should put up some ads in the outfield as well if they could take the money and use it for MAJOR LEAGUE baseball players. I know this may break tradition but lets face it. The Cubs don’t exactly have a rich tradition of winning so maybe some change is good.

-Harvey Shanker

Well, it is odd that they didn’t fill the stands on a beautiful day. Yeah, I think Hendry should move on. To be fair, the Cubs have been riddled with injuries.
—Mark Gauthier

http://cubden.mlblogs.com/

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