This Is MLB… and THIS Is MLB on Drudge

There are two taxing and equally debilitating activities that I force myself to partake in, every… single… day.  I swallow a big@$$ horse-pill that’s supposed to make my cartilage stronger; and I read all of the headlines on The Drudge Report.

If I had time, I would also stick rusty needles under each of my fingernails.

Why do I do these things?  I take the horse-pill ‘cuz it comes highly recommended by my doctor, and my doctor is a smart dude (he hates the Cubs, man!).

And I check in with The Drudge Report because it’s important to know what the “other” side is thinking, how they’re scheming, how they’re fear mongering and how they’re faring in other popular GOP pastimes.  But mostly I just like to laugh at how Drudge turns a headline like “Wall Street Baffled by Slowing Economy” into “WE ARE ON THE VERGE OF A GREAT, GREAT DEPRESSION”.

That’s how the dude gets hits.  He scares traffic to him!

Indeed, I tip my cap for his savvy, but I wave my finger at his twisted incitations.

And to put things in perspective, I instructed the RSBS interns to take three recent MLB headlines and hand them over to Matt Drudge, just to see what would happen.

Here’s what we got:

- – -

Original Headline:”White Sox enjoy another sweep at Fenway”

Headline on Drudge: “SHOW ME ALEXEI RAMIREZ’S BIRTH CERTIFICATE DAMMIT!!!”

- – -

Original Headline: “Holliday, McClellan both land on Cards’ DL”

Headline on Drudge: “HOLLIDAY NEVER F$&*ING TOUCHED HOME, HE NEVER TOUCHED IT, HE NEVER TOUCHED IT, I CALL DO-OVER!!!”

- – -

Original Headline: “Swisher’s Swat Solidifes Sweep for Yankees”

Headline on Drudge: “OMG JORGE POSADA SUCKS, THE BRONX IS BURNING AND WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!”

- – -

Hate me ‘cuz I got the connections to make it happen, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right!

Peace,

Jeff

8 Comments

I think the headline about Holliday is what it said on the San Diego paper the morning after the game :)
Catherine

I want to see Ramirez’s birth certificate!
—Mark Gauthier

http://cubden.mlblogs.com/

Catherine — No doubt. I wonder if anyone remembers that there.
Mark — Good luck, my friend!
–Jeff

I love your Drudge-i-fied headlines. They look just like the ones in the NY Post! Do you really take Glucosomine? Does it work? I always thought it was b-s but maybe not?

Ron — Grazie!
Jane — My doc advised me to start taking it after I tore the meniscus in my knee which has sidelined me from running for several weeks. I’m not sure if it’s working or not… I guess I will find out when I get the okay to put my running kicks back on and go out for hours at a time ;-) The science behind it seems to be legit… just as legit as acupuncture and vitamins. It’s most effective when taken with a daily vitamin and fish oil, so I’m told.
–Jeff

I’d love to see the Drudge-i-fied headlines on the news report that 9 of the 30 MLB teams have violated the league debt service rules.

http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-sp-0603-baseball-debt-20110603,0,6670746.story

ps. At this point the Cubs (and we, their fans) must be like the cockroaches of the baseball world. What other shit can happen? Ppffff. Like you can make our lives any worse.

Adam, I’ve been trying to make Cubs fans’ lives worse… but you’re right, they’re immune. In fact, they’ve been immune since the Great Fall of ’69 ;-)
–Jeff

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