Block Party: sCrUBBIE Style

Tuesday’s Chicago Tribune featured the following snippet:

The Cubs announced the first Wrigleyville Block Party will be held Friday to Sunday on the west side of the ballpark during the Yankees series.  The event is free and features bands, food and drink booths and “interactive” entertainment for families.

Oh, really?

Folks, let me be blunt.  Unless clogged streets of drunken youths and bands of impatient motorists with horn-happy hands represent the ideal, outside of hosting an actual baseball game, there is very little family-friendly about Wrigleyville.  Remember, this the same Wrigleyville where I was assaulted by a blabbering drunk because I was… *gasp*… wearing a pink shirt.

So, curious as to what sort of block party events the Cubs front office planned for the neighborhood, the RSBS interns were sent out on an important reconnaissance mission, and this is what they found:

Pin the Tail on Rats Big as Pigs
In this fun event, lucky participants are encouraged to hunt down Wrigley rats.  What they catch, they can keep.  Extra points are rewarded for doing it while talking in an exaggerated Ozzie Guillen accent (“rats as beeeg as peeegs”).

The Racist Frozen T-Shirt Game
Pay $10 and you can compete against your peers to see who can put the frozen “Horry Kow” t-shirt the fastest.  If anti-Asian ain’t your style, try the “Pujols Mows My Lawn” tee!  Fun for the whole family!

Annoying Fan Photo Op
Fork over $25 and you can choose to have your picture taken with world famous Cubs fans Rod Blagojevich, Denise Richards or… Ronnie Woo Woo!  Then again, you can also take that $25 and burn it; it’s essentially the same thing.

The Drink Overpriced Horse P!ss Booth
At this funfest, you can drink $7 Old Styles until you a) get sick b) go broke or c) start rooting for the Cardinals!

And finally… the most exciting event of them all…

The Write a Bad Contract Raffle
Participants empty their bank accounts and hand everything over to Jim Hendry, who will then do what he does best: waste money on bad baseball players.

It’s a good thing the Yankees are in town, otherwise Wrigleyville would be a complete mess.

Hate me ‘cuz I kick ‘em when they’re down, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

7 Comments

You have a point. Unleashing a block party and calling it family entertainment is asking for trouble. I don’t think ball clubs should endorse parties. Leave it to the fans.
—Mark Gauthier
http://cubden.mlblogs.com/

Mark — Leave it to the fans and the bazillion bars in Wrigleyville… this is going to be interesting.
–Jeff

They’re throwing a block party because the Yankees are in town? Very hospitable except you’re right: it’ll be chaos in the streets! Vancouver here we come.

I’m afraid Vancouver wouldn’t have anything on the Wrigleyville faithful, Jane… it can get ugly up there.
–Jeff

I’ll disclose the following comment by saying I haven’t been to either Wrigley or Yankee Stadium. Still, with all due respect to those who don’t cause trouble, SOME Cub and Yankee are notorious for the trouble they cause without the help of alcohol. I really hope a series that features the Yankees at Wrigley isn’t marred with an ugly incident inside or just outside the stadium. I don’t expect it to, but I wouldn’t be terribly surprised if one happened either.

What? Three days of free block party, cheap and free flowing alcohol and thousands of “superfans” hopped up on pent up aggression from an old but seldom indulged rivalry all confined to a relatively small area. What could possibly go wrong? Yeah, I’m thinking that entertainment is going to get more and more “interactive” as the weekend wears on.
— Kristen

Blue Jays Nest — Wrigley Field, itself, is pretty cool. Even though it’s a “dump”. The neighborhood? Not so cool unless binge drinking is your main hobby.
Kristen — All the more reason to stay away. My goal was to stay out of jail this weekend ;-)
–Jeff

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