The RSBS Realistic MLB All-Star Game Checklist

In my house, the MLB All-Star Game is almost Christmas.  It’s a time for being with friends and family, for stuffing your face with unhealthy food and coming up with a believable excuse for missing work in the morning while you nurse that helluh-bad hangover.

But to do it, ya gotta do it right.  So here is a list of things the RSBS interns and I deem necessary for an enjoyable ASG experience:

Beer
Or wine, or gin, or vodka, or peach Faygo (if you’re Mr. Krause)… or whatever it is you shove down your gullet to help you forget Joe Buck is annoying, go for it.

Mute Button
Like I said, Joe Buck — the king of pretension — will have your ears bleeding by the 7th inning stretch if you don’t have a quick finger on the proper controls.

Patience
Until the World Series rolls around, the All-Star Game seems to be the one game the rest of the world actually pays some attention to (I know this ‘cuz my mom always texts me during the ASG, commenting on things happening during the game, as if I’ll be impressed).  The problem is, the folks at FOX cater to that crowd and seem to feature a ton of feel-good filler before and during the game.  Look, that’s cool and all, but I only care about the game, not about hometown heroes or how so-and-so grew up poor and blind and is now an All-Star who can see… sorry.  I know that makes me sound like an a-hole, but the truth is: fluff has a time and a place, neither of which are during a game that supposedly COUNTS, which brings me to the next must-have…

A Sense of Humor
Now it counts!  This time it counts!  The All-Star Game counts!  Yeah, okay, whatevs.

And finally…

A Keen, Observing Eye
This part is tough, especially after about 10 peach Faygos… but the MLB All-Star Game is the one All-Star Game that is played true.  It’s not a show of offense.  Guys don’t ease up or fall back.  They play just like they usually play: hard and to win.  When I attended the 2009 ASG in St. Louis, I marveled at each player’s individual effort.  Seeing a star-studded field of players who were obviously giving their best to win was a real treat and it’s something that only happens once a year, so PAY ATTENTION DAMMIT!

And, of course, don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

4 Comments

What a great list!

I wish I shared your enthusiasm for the game. To me it’s a big bore.

Jane, well, for me, it’s all about pitching. I’m a pitching snob, so it generally plays to my preference. Plus I love seeing all those stars in one spot.
–Jeff

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