Milwaukee (and America’s) Best

Like Amy Winehouse’s death and taxes, sad but inevitable, the US finally lost its AAA debt rating.  Sure, it’s only S&P that followed through on the cut but it’s not like we didn’t see this coming.  At least 7 US companies have more cash on hand than the US government.  Apple has a market capitalization larger than America’s.  Not to have seen this coming is to have been willfully blind at best and ignorant at worst.  But, not all hope is lost.

The thing is, the US has a very potent tool in its arsenal.  It’s something that basketball and football figured out long ago, something that baseball is starting to figure out and something that the beer companies have been taking advantage of for years.  It’s something that even the Russian government is using to its advantage.  Sex.

And it sells.  There’s a reason we use nubile young men and women to fire that t-shirt cannon at baseball games instead of throwing Jeff out there:

There’s a similar reason for putting dancing girls on court during breaks in NBA games.  It turns the experience into a multi-sensory orgy of entertainment.

One of the worries with the S&P downgrade of US long-term debt is that investors will now demand higher returns.  But maybe they just want more in general.  My thought is that instead of offering more attractive interest rates, we should consider gathering up the hottest women in the country (these ones will work for a start), convincing them that they need to do this for their country and then putting them up on stage for US bond and treasury auctions.  Hey, we may not be able to give you a better interest rate but look at all these hot women!!  I think this could work.

-A

2 Comments

Allen – You made him ride all the way in the back with the groceries and the laundry like a pouty kid on time-out? That’s just sad…and really funny. As to your main point though, if you could find attractive women who are currently out of a job for your plan, even better. It could save our national credit rating and form the basis for a new jobs plan all at the same time. Win. Win.
— Kristen

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