Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and Podcast Warrior, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

It’s Math. Don’t Fight It.

Clint Hurdle isn’t here to save you and lead the White Sox to 20 wins in a row to finish out the season a la the Rockies in 2000 whatever year that was. Jim Thome isn’t walking through that door to be the anti-Adam Dunn. I’m sorry. Just accept it.

As of Tuesday, via Baseball Prospectus, the White Sox have an 11.8% chance of making the playoffs. The Detroit Tigers have an 86.8% chance.  If you’re a Sox fan and want to hold onto that 11%, that’s your business. I just don’t want to hear about it. I know they’ve been just good enough in this awful division to keep us interested, but it’s over.

TOO STRESSFUL. THIS TEAM GIVES ME CHIGGERS!!!


If I have to listen to one more smelly Sox fan chewin his Kodiak, botherin me while I’m TRYIN TO PEE, sayin stuff like “Hey der guy… we’re goin sweep these next few series and we will be der in the end… darrrrr…”

Well, you know what? BITE ME. CUZ IT’S OVAAA…

This team started out so bad that the whole inching their way back up possibility almost felt real. I even got on board, thinking that at some point they’d stop winning three games and losing four. I assumed Adam Dunn would have to, at some point, regress to the mean and start hitting again. I even thought Alex Rios and Gordon Beckham might stop resembling human bowel movements.

As for Ozzie Guillen and Kenny Williams? Those two guys are pathetic. A once great union of minds is now in complete ruin.  They go back and forth at each other like a homeless man’s Martin and Steinbrenner. Word is the Sox have already started looking for managerial candidates and compensation from the Marlins for Ozzie. I know sometimes the Oz man sounds like an ignorant mofo, but he’s a hell of a manager if the Sox can keep him.  But if there’s any chance of Guillen staying with the team he and Kenny have to stop being Lindsey Lohan and Samantha Ronson.

–Johanna Mahmud
Follow Johanna on Twitter!

3 Comments

I’d agree that the ChiSox are out of it, except for one fact: it’s the Tigers they’re chasing. As much as I would love to see Detroit FINALLY win a division title, their recent late season colapses give me nighmares. Maybe I can fall asleep, and don’t wake me until the brackets for October are printed.
–Mike
‘Minoring In Baseball’

As a Cub fan, I would love having a chance still. So, 11.8% isn’t all that bad to me. However, I don’t think the Sox have much of a chance with Verlander pitching every 5th day for the Tigers.

Ron

This team gives you chiggers?? Well a little clear nail polish should clear that right up, LOL.
I like Ozzie, even when he sounds like an ignorant mofo. He’s a good manager and, quite frankly, a little unrestrained passion is refreshing. As for the Sox chances? Yeah, probably they’re out of it, but I can’t really judge the fans who keep hoping. Raised on SoCal baseball and all that – you can never count our teams out, until it’s mathematically impossible, but contrariwise you can never count them in until it’s mathematically certain either.
— Kristen

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