“That’s a Deal Breaker!”

What better way to celebrate the return of contemporary television’s greatest comedic achievement than to steal one of its taglines for an hyperbolic thrashing of the MLB seasonal awards?

That’s what I thought.

Shall we?!?!

American League Cy Young
Um… no brainer, y’all.  Justin FRACKING Verlander.  Anything else is just… stupid.  And dumb.  And Cubbish.

American League Most Valuable Player
Though my repugnant and oft pedantic colleague, Mr. Allen Krause, would like you to believe Mr. Verlander is the “most valuable” to his team, let’s not lose sight of what’s really going on here.  You can argue semantics all you want, Mr. Krause, but we all know that the MVP is reserved for a position player.  How do we know this?  Because the pitchers ALREADY HAVE THEIR OWN AWARD.  And that, my friends, is a deal breaker!  So the MVP goes to Curtis Granderson.  Close your eyes and imagine the Yankees without him this year. Scurry, ain’t it!?!

BOOM!

National League Cy Young Award
Halladay or Kershaw or Halladay or Kershaw or Halladay or… wait, Kershaw?  It’s a fine line.  And my gut says Kershaw; however, upon further review (and I know using stats from 2010 isn’t fair, but who says I’m fair?), in a galaxy far, far away, Adam Dunn took Kershaw deep.  Twice.  In one game.  And THAT’S A DEAL BREAKER.  Congratulations, Roy Halladay.  Again.

National League Most Valuable Player
My instincts say Ryan Braun deserves this award BUT Ryan Braun is a Brewer and yep, that’s a deal breaker!  So Matt Kemp, come on down!  In fact, if Lance Berkman hadn’t done such a nice job, I might also hand Kemp the Comeback Player of the Year Award because, let’s face it, compared to ’09 and ’11, he was nothing short of regurgitated fecal matter last year.  Think about it.

Yes, they have other awards too, like, Manager of the Year, Silver Slugger, Gold Glove, etc… but honestly, who cares?  Quick, name the 1989 National League Manager of the Year.  See, you can’t.  ‘Cuz nobody cares (it was the Cubs’ Don Zimmer).

And if nobody cares, well, then THAT’S A DEAL BREAKER!

Hate me, it’s all good.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

6 Comments

Curtis Granderson? Really?

Yep. Especially if the Red Sox blow this down the stretch ;-)
–Jeff

So glad to see your support of Roy Halladay. :-) Though Cliff Lee’s been having a might fine season, too.

The AL CY Young is totally a no brainer but as good a year as Halladay has had, I’d go with Kershaw for the NL Cy Young. Remember, Cody Ross took Halladay deep. Twice. In one game. In 2010. And he only had 14 HRs to Dunn’s 38 so you may or may not be fair, but I cry fuzzy on your logic there, LOL.
— Kristen

Seriously, Kristen, did you have to bring up that evil elf’s name? ;-)

LOL. Fa rilz. Kristen, you got me. I admit. I guess I had erased “the elf” from my memory. It’s a lot harder for Phillies fans to do that though.
–Jeff

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