White Sox Better Than Xanax
Over the last several days, the St. Louis Cardinals have done a number on my heart rate, sending my anxiety levels soaring with on-again-off-again torments akin to those of jilted lovers past. Are the Cardinals trying to teach me a lesson for giving up on them in August? Do they not know that I have kowtowed my ignorance, begged them for compassion? Pleaded for forgiveness?
I NEVER LEFT YOU, MY FRIENDS. I COULD NEVER LEAVE YOU. SO STOP FREAKING ME OUT.
There are three games left. They’re behind the Braves by one game. And they get to play the LOLstros.
Win, and there is great potential that I will break things in my apartment from all the excitement. Lose, and there is great potential that I will break things in my apartment from all the excitement.
I need to get out of the house.
So I’ll be at Sox Park, where the home team will put you to sleep faster than a handful of benzodiazepines chased with a bottle of scotch. I’m hoping the visiting Jays can distract me from the tension filled anxiety of my own nervous psyche. But I will be scoreboard watching. You can be sure of that.
And, when it comes time to break things, I’ll fit right in. No one will probably even notice.
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
Peace,
Jeff
Red State Blue State
Best of luck to your Cards! They’ve made the NL Wild Card race a lot of fun these last few weeks and watching them pull off a total upset would be even more exciting…for everyone who isn’t a Braves fan, that is.
But seriously, by now your neighbors must offer up gifts and supplications to a poster of Albert Pujols as if he were some sort of volcano god who might quiet the smashings, crashings and other erruptions from your apartment.
– Kristen
The Cards need to make it…who else would the Tigers want to play in the World Series?
–Mike
‘Minoring In Baseball’
Kristen — We’re gonna need a miracle now. Things in my apartment are hiding from my wrath.
Mike — I know, right!?!?! This has to happen!!
–Jeff
Good luck to your Cardinals! Tough loss last night, but they can’t let you down. They just can’t! I bet you’re sorry to see Ozzie go, btw? Maybe not.
Thanks, Jane. Yeah, it’s sad to see Ozzie leave the Chi, but we have plenty of loudmouths to take his place
–Jeff
Congratulations to your Cardinals!! Holy epic double upset night, Batman! Did your apartment survive the excitement of the night or is it seeking shelter until November?
– Kristen
It was a night of MADNESS, Kristen. MADNESS!!!! I took out an insurance policy, so it’s all good!!!
–Jeff