November 2011

Making My Dreams Come True

The RSBS crew understands how tough life can be when you’re forever being confused with someone else.  Back when I was blond and Jeff had his mustache, we were often mistaken for Hall & Oates.  Of course, it didn’t help that we regularly launched into spirited renditions of “Maneater” for these screaming fans but sometimes you just have to make lemonade out of the lemons.

Of course, it’s a little harder to make lemonade when your particular lemons involve war crimes and 42 years of repression.  Just ask Carlos Santana.

In all honesty, I probably wouldn’t know Santana if he walked up to me on the street so it’s not out of the question that I might believe he was Gaddafi.  However, since Gaddafi happens to be dead, well, you can see where the confusion might set in.  I guess this is just what you have to deal with when you like the flashy clothes and curly locks:

I don’t really have any advice for Santana except for maybe a haircut.  After all, that turned out to be the short-term answer for Jeff and I.  Yep, it worked right up to the point when people started confusing us with my favorite Tigers’ double play combo, Alan Trammell and Lou Whitaker.  That’s definitely better than a dead dictator, though.

-A

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Speaking of making dreams come true, don’t forget to send us your pictures showing why you’re RSBS‘s biggest fan and keep checking in as the Pass the Crown contest continues.  As it stands right now, you could win yourself a pair of Oakley sunglasses!

Ya Can’t Fix Stupid

As the enemy begins yet another chapter in its century-long battle against awful, I can’t help but reflect on the one-and-done tenure of Mr. Mike Quade.  I will not question the hearty baseball acumen of the man; he’s been around this long, so he must know something.  But a leader of men he is not.

For me, his ascendancy of idiocy became relevant when his unruly, wild and uncontainable club donned t-shirts at Wrigley during batting practice that said “F**k the Goat” in big red letters across the back.  When later asked about the “goat”, Quade said he had never even heard of the curse of the billy goat, that to him, it was just a restaurant.

I was never able to determine whether his supreme stupidity was a) that he really hadn’t heard of it or b) that he had, and he was just stupid enough to think we would actually believe him.

Either way, STUPID.

I’m not saying leaders of men need to know everything there is to know about anything and everything, but they certainly do need to surround themselves with people who are informed on myriad subjects, and they must also have enough tact to know when they’re stepping into a great big pile of nast.

So if the sexual harassment charges against Herman Cain and his playfully flippant response to them haven’t deterred you from considering him as a presidential candidate, hopefully this video will:


This cannot happen, people.  This man cannot be seriously considered for the presidency.  The Republicans are in deep shizz.  And they know it.  It’s just too bad that the answer to their problems is right there, continuously ignored, continuously shut out.

It makes me very, very sad.

Hate me.  Fine.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Motorcycles, Crowns and Rescues

It has been an up and down kind of week.  The Lions got smacked by the Bears on Sunday but then Verlander goes out and gets a unanimous Cy Young award win.  Wilson Ramos got himself kidnapped in Venezuela but then he went and got himself rescued as well.  Like I said, it has been up and down.

Luckily, during the down times, there’s always one place I can go to feel better: the highway.

Seriously, could anything make you feel better than the Russian motorcycle sidecar band?

Actually, there probably is one thing.  Winning a prize from Crown Royal by proving that you’re RSBS‘ biggest fan.  We’re still waiting for more of those pictures so get out there and show us your RSBS spirit!

-A

Pass the Crown! (Gift Unveiled Update — 11.17.2011)

The RSBSians have spoken!

And y’all told us to open that bag up.

So we did.

And here’s what we’ve won…

Oakley’s newest Blender shades are the perfect mix for active lifestyles. Lightweight C-5 alloy is combined with O-Matter earstems and sure-grip Unobtainium for unrivaled comfort and durability.  Slide these on with confidence whether enjoying your Crown Royal on the mountain or by the beach!

Whoa!  Hot dang!  They had me at Unobtainium!

The Pass the Crown gift exchange will go on until December 15th.  In that time, any one of the 17 remaining internet superstars can decide to steal our gift, in which case, we would get theirs, so stay tuned for any necessary updates.

Once our final prize is announced we will don one dear reader as the Ultimate RSBS Fan (must be 21 or older) and he/she will take home the goods!  Remember to email us a picture showing why you are the Ultimate RSBS Fan to RSBSblog@gmail.com.

Holla!

Jeff, Allen, Johanna & the Interns

Also, don’t forget: if you like the snazzy embroidery on the signature Crown Royal bag, make sure you check out how you can personalize your very own!  They make fantastic gifts.  In fact, RSBS is thinking of getting one for new Cubs President Theo Epstein that reads: Whiskey… for when watching the Cubs 162 times a year is your job.

Pass the Crown! (Clue Update – 11.17.2011)


Today is the day we humbled bloggers at RSBS get to share with you, dear readers, the clue to what our Pass the Crown gift from Crown Royal may be!  Remember, in this gift swap among the interwebs’ finest, one of our lucky readers will be the beneficiary of whatever RSBS receives!  So far an iPad 2 has been revealed as well as a private party for up to 40 people hosted by Crown Royal in your home market and an Omaha Steaks All-American Combo.

The clue to our gift is…

So now we need your help.  We have until 4 p.m. ET today (11/17) to let Crown Royal know if we are going to keep our bag and open our gift or if we’re gonna swipe one of those already revealed.  Since one of you will be the beneficiary, we want to hear your voice!  Comment, email us (RSBSblog@gmail.com) or holla back on Twitter (@RSBS).  We’ll be tweeting about it with the #PassTheCrown hashtag.

Bottoms up!

Jeff, Allen, Johanna & the Interns

P.S.  Like the embroidery work on that there CR bag?  Then make sure to check out how to customize your own!  They are available to adults (21+) on www.CrownRoyal.com for $9.95 and feature a max of 40 characters, making the perfect gift for the whiskey drinker in your life (if you’re like us, then you have a lot of those).

Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and podcast kidnapee, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

“I speak over two thousand languages, including Dodo and Unicorn. I had a classical education.”

Can Theo talk to the animals? Does he speak two thousand languages? Can he communicate his agenda to the morbidly obtuse, dumb and crazy?

From horrible decisions of front offices past, to a psycho fanbase that values ivy over winning and bloated egos galore on an oddly constructed team, can Theo break on through to the other side of bad?

I imagine lunches with Carlos Zambrano can be strange. I hope they had a violinist play some Venezuelan music tableside. It may not have been quite as strange as going to temple with Hitler or eating Twinkies with Martha Stewart, but still quite ODD.

A manipulative, out of shape baby who goes on regular tirades is nothing short of potential disaster.  Big Z requested a sit-down and Epstein obliged.

Hmm… seems strange doesn’t it? The meeting went well and he’s going to give him a chance to pitch in 2012. I guess this means a trading partner couldn’t be found or perhaps Theo sees something no one else can.

“We said he’d have to work hard and that we aren’t welcoming him back unconditionally. We said he’d have to earn his way back.” (Link)

Damn straight. I hope you stick to that, Theo, and don’t be afraid to cut your losses at the first sign of the Carlos we all know. Don’t get me wrong. Z is as talented as any pitcher in the league, but that potential has never, I REPEAT NEVER been realized.

“Most of the details will stay confidential. But there are steps he needs to take to earn his way back. If he does so, we will see him in spring training and welcome him back.”

I WANT TO KNOW THOSE STEPS!!! But I’ll trust Theo on this.

For now.

If Z gets to come back and turns into the cataclysm we all know, then that will be a big strike one for me on Epstein. Own up to what you say and you will earn mad respect from this fan. Meanwhile, I’m suspending my disbelief that Zambrano will fail (again) at realizing his potential.

Don’t make me regret this, Theo. Or I’ll…

–Johanna Mahmud
Follow Johanna on Twitter!

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 29: Remembering Ugueth’s Urbina and Other Stuff

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

Jeff tries his darnedest to be as polite as possible during his unfettered gloating of World Championship status (Go Cards!) while Second City’s Mark Piebenga adds some level-headed awesomeness to Johanna’s outlandishness and Allen’s seasoned straight man routine.  Among the topics of discussion are “the greatest game ever”, the woes of rebranding an already twice championed franchise (talkin’ to you, Marlins), Theo Fever in the Chi, b!tch t!ts and much, much more!

Now grab some Crown Royal and enjoy yo’ self!

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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack. Follow Keith on on Twitter and make sure to check out his crew and their gut busting Undercast! podcast.

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Recorded Saturday, November 12, 2011

Pass the Crown!

If there’s one thing the guys at RSBS have in common with the guys from Boardwalk Empire, it’s that we like our Canadian whiskey.  And that we kind of resemble Steve Buscemi.  But mainly it’s the whiskey.

So, when we got word of Crown Royal’s “Pass the Crown” promotion and found out that they wanted us to get involved, well, you can imagine our excitement.  The best part is that we also get to reward one of our loyal readers.  Yep, that’s right.  You might get to share in our excitement!

The game works like your traditional Christmas party gift swap where the first person grabs a gift, opens it and then the next person can either pick another gift or take the one that the first person received.  Our turn is this Thursday and we’ll be looking for you to tell us if we should steal one of the first three gifts or grab a new one from the middle.  Of course, this all takes place in the virtual world of the blogosphere so tune in to RSBS and our Twitter feed (@RSBS) to let us know what you think we should do.

But here’s where it gets even more exciting.  Whatever gift we end up with, one of our readers will get a matching version, including the possibility of a Crown Royal hosted happy hour!  It only makes sense that a gift like this should go to RSBS‘s biggest fan so send pictures showing why you’re our biggest fan to rsbsblog@gmail.com and we’ll decide sometime around Christmas who wins.  Since the contest is sponsored by Crown Royal, though, you need to be 21 or older to win.

It may feel like Prohibition all over again the way the economy looks but at RSBS, we’ve imported the fun from our neighbors to the north.  There’s plenty for you, too, so make sure play along with us.

-A

The RSBS Yearbook: 1997

I was going to write something clever about the Army/Rutgers football game that took place at Yankee Stadium yesterday before I realized: no one cares about Army or Rutgers football and unless the Yankees are playing, no one cares about Yankee Stadium stadium either.  So instead, I would like to turn back the clock and shed some light on my lugubrious and oft mysterious colleague, Mr. Allen Krause.

As has been mentioned before, Mr. Krause and I met as freshmen in college — a time when long standing family values give way to good old fashioned drunken curiosity and late night emergency room visits take the place of family game night.  Lucky for you, the RSBS interns were able to scrounge up some old footage of us playing dizzy bat.  Clearly, I am the one spinning and Mr. Krause, well, he’s the one who saves his beer, despite some painful circumstances.


It may be 14 years later, but his priorities haven’t changed; and that is something that deserves applause.  Good job, Mr. Krause!

Hate me ‘cuz I drudge up the past, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Buckner to Perry for the…

The way our brains work, we attempt to apply a narrative or causality to events, even after the fact, to justify what happened and why it happened.  We look for points where the momentum shifts and where all of a sudden something that was unthinkable becomes inevitable.

Baseball is full of these moments.  Of course Jeff will tell you all about game 6 of this year’s World Series and no one will ever stop talking about the Bartman play in Chicago or Buckner’s famous muff.  Teams didn’t win or lose on those plays but it changed the flow of the game and, in retrospect, we consider it to be the dramatic reversal in the narrative.

Politics follows a similar course.  In the 2008 Democratic primary, Hilary was inevitable but then Obama won Iowa and the narrative shifted.  Sure, the changes may be due more to organization or groundwork but we prefer the grand, sweeping narrative and we look for game-changing moments.

This week’s Republican debate in Michigan offered the new narrative of choice for the primary season: Perry’s final flub.  For a campaign that had already hit a rough patch (polling behind Herman Cain?  Seriously?), they needed a strong showing.  Here’s what they got:

Granted, the last time a Texas governor became president, serious doubts surrounded his mental capacity.  And some pundits even point out that Perry’s damage control may have helped humanize him for the voters.  But if Perry does end up losing the nomination as now seems likely, the narrative will state that this moment was what nailed shut the coffin.  That’s just how our brain’s work.  And how Perry’s didn’t.

-A

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