Namely a Name

Yesterday was election day here in the Chi.  I was there bright and early, standing in line with old ladies and a man who smelled like gasoline.  Working class neighborhood.

We have regular old boring names like Jeff. Bob. Joe. Myrtle. Louise. Evelyn.

I look down at my ballot and get dizzy from these crazy names!  Newt. Mitt. Barack.

Immediately my mind strays from politics, and does what it often does when it would rather be doing something else… focusing on baseball.

My favorite baseball names, in particular.

Candy Maldonado. Boog Powell. Calvin Schiraldi. Pete Incaviglia. Elias Sosa. Willie McGee. Boof Bonser. Homer Bailey. Catfish Hunter. Urban Shocker. Rocco Baldelli. Razor Shines. Al Kaline. Goose Gossage. Yadier Molina. Dick Pole. Fernando Tatis. Ugueth Urbina (despite his homicidal tendencies). Dickie Thon. Harmon Killebrew. Tom Candiotti. Ray/Bob/Bret/Aaron Boone. Coco Crisp. J.J. Putz. Rusty Kuntz. Oil Can Boyd.

And, perhaps my very favorite, Kevin Bass, if only because I pronounced it Kevin Bass (as in, the opposite of treble) for a long time before being corrected on the little league diamond with snickers (not the candy bar) and jeers.  Still, to this day, I prefer my pronunciation.  It is much more marquis worthy.

Sadly, none of the above were on the ballot.

Ron Paul it is.

Happy Hump Day!

Jeff

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Don’t forget, a call for Filibuster queries is in effect!  Send us your questions (anything goes!) by emailing RSBSblog@gmail.com or by commenting below. We (and Kevin Bass) thank you.

7 Comments

You forgot to mention former Tiger great Rusty Kuntz….That was back in the day, though, when us kids would actually look at the baseball cards instead of looking them up in a Beckett. At least Mitt is named after a piece of baseball equipment, but that’s all he has going for him.
–Mike

I didn’t forget Rusty, Mike! Second to last there. Before Oil Can. Any teenager alive in the 80s can’t forget Kuntz. Who could? LOL.

I love goofy names! I even wrote a whole post about it back when I first started blogging. One of my favorite “oddball” names is Johnny Dickshot, from the 40′s. More recently, I always had to snicker at Merkin Valdez (assuming you know what a merkin is). And of course Wonderful Terrific Monds, even though he never made it out of the minors.
- Sue

Oh, sorry, Jeff, he’s there all right. My eyes get blurry working these midnight shifts!
–Mike

Sue — It’s hard to get any better than Johny Dickshot! I hadn’t heard that one before.
Mike — It’s all good, you’re just baseball starved, that’s all.

Yeah, our presidential candidates now have traditional news anchor names…and in our media snippet driven culture, there are so many jokes to be made there I don’t even know where to begin. As for the baseball names, lately it’s the pitchers’ names that get the most non candy bar snickers from the Brown household – Doug Fister, Antonio Bastardo, Joaquin Benoit, etc. Yes, the spelling is all wrong on that last one, but we watched a game where he couldn’t throw a strike to save his life and the resulting announcers’ calls had us in stitches until he was pulled for the next reliever.
– Kristen

Fister is a good one too, Kristen. Good call. That trade last year (Fister for Furbush) kept me laughing until the last day of the season.

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